Oh look, real people hate the things we hate too!

emilyinchile

http://apocalypstick.com/2011/04/07/plus-one-or-get-none/

I love that in this one post and its comments, people diss:
- Not giving plus ones to relationships you arbitrarily decide aren't serious (I personally don't think you need a plus one for EVERYONE if they will have other friends at the reception, but whatever)
- Cash bars
- Cash registries
- The general attitude of "I'm the bride, it's my day"

Apparently we haven't been talking out of our asses saying things that only apply on E this whole time after all, and real guests at real weddings actually feel this way. Who knew?

Meg1979

I've got to say that I had plus ones for everyone, but I had a pretty small gathering.  I just didn't want people I knew from grad school, who knew no one else, sitting around feeling lonely.  I mean, there was mingling, but it's nice to have a person with you that you know. 

doctabroccoli

Thumbs up!

baystateapple

There are actually such things as "cash registries"?  Damn.

GeauxTigers17

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_oh-look-real-people-hate-things-hate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3295195f-9878-4012-be5e-174d7c5be24ePost:93058fb8-7e5b-4a44-87f3-4d264408b6a4">Re: Oh look, real people hate the things we hate too!</a>:
[QUOTE]There are actually such things as "cash registries"?  Damn.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

<div>Every time I see the word cash registry I think "that's an oxymoron...."</div><div>
</div><div>I had a friend get married recently. I specifically said "where are you registered, I would love to get you something for your apartment since you're moving back to NYC!" and she sent me back a link to a honeymoon registry. Twice. I declined to use it. I guess that makes me a jerk but I'm a law student graduating in May and moving to a new city, up to my eyeballs in student loan debt, and I just didn't want her to see exactly what I spent on a gift. Felt too odd to give money to a peer. </div>

Jelenny

This made my morning!

Habs2Hart

There are some very angry people on that blog

pantherRN

Love that you called non-TK people "real people".

emilyinchile

Well, panther, since the counterargument usually seems to be "you are all just bitter internet hags who don't know my family and friends," it seemed like an appropriate distinction.

pantherRN

Agreed.

Snippylynn

I love this:

I’m so fucking over this idea that the wedding is about the bride and therefore anything she wants is sacred. I don’t care if it’s your wedding, a selfish douche is as a selfish douche does. You’re already getting married, you’re already getting gifts, everyone’s admiring how pretty you are and they showed up for you, and you won’t even talk to them for more than ten seconds, so yes, I agree, this totalitarian bullshit is rightfully annoying and offensive because it’s rude to the fucking guests who are putting time and money into showing up and looking nice and buying that gift just because you’re already having the best day ever. I kind of don’t care if that was a run-on sentence.

Milsey32

haha! Wow... another way to make me smile today, thanks!

and I'm not giving everyone a +1 because there's a group of people that hang out as is (some in relationships, some single) all the time.. and one specifically said "oh thank God I won't have to worry about finding a date!" haha (and yes, that was a REAL person.. hahahah)

midgetthemighty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_oh-look-real-people-hate-things-hate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3295195f-9878-4012-be5e-174d7c5be24ePost:21c01589-5e27-46fa-a86f-3e13050047d6">Re: Oh look, real people hate the things we hate too!</a>:
[QUOTE]I love this: I’m so fucking over this idea that the wedding is about the bride and therefore anything she wants is sacred. I don’t care if it’s your wedding, a selfish douche is as a selfish douche does. You’re already getting married, you’re already getting gifts, everyone’s admiring how pretty you are and they showed up for you, and you won’t even talk to them for more than ten seconds, so yes, I agree, this totalitarian bullshit is rightfully annoying and offensive because it’s rude to the fucking guests who are putting time and money into showing up and looking nice and buying that gift just because you’re already having the best day ever. <strong>I kind of don’t care if that was a run-on sentence.
</strong>Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

I loved all of this comment as well but the end of it just made laugh even more. I've never heard of a cash registry either...seems ridiculous. Do they actually list the amounts of money they want from you? Wow..

doctabroccoli

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_oh-look-real-people-hate-things-hate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3295195f-9878-4012-be5e-174d7c5be24ePost:21c01589-5e27-46fa-a86f-3e13050047d6">Re: Oh look, real people hate the things we hate too!</a>:
[QUOTE]I love this: I’m so fucking over this idea that the wedding is about the bride and therefore anything she wants is sacred. I don’t care if it’s your wedding, a selfish douche is as a selfish douche does. You’re already getting married, you’re already getting gifts, everyone’s admiring how pretty you are and they showed up for you, and you won’t even talk to them for more than ten seconds, so yes, I agree, this totalitarian bullshit is rightfully annoying and offensive because it’s rude to the fucking guests who are putting time and money into showing up and looking nice and buying that gift just because you’re already having the best day ever. I kind of don’t care if that was a run-on sentence.
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

Snort.

cengle

When I first read "cash registries," I swore it said "cash registers," and I was very confused as to why anyone would need a cash register at a wedding.
Reading fail.

Milsey32

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_oh-look-real-people-hate-things-hate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3295195f-9878-4012-be5e-174d7c5be24ePost:948d8a9b-3a48-438c-abcb-f1bc9d0d1501">Re: Oh look, real people hate the things we hate too!</a>:
[QUOTE]When I first read "cash registries," I swore it said "cash registers," and I was very confused as to why anyone would need a cash register at a wedding. Reading fail.
Posted by cengle[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>ahahhahahahhahahhaha... ummm so you can open up all your cards right there and keep the money safe, obviously. </div>

jemmini6

A lot of it is pretty acurate, but "if you do not give everyone invited to your wedding a plus one, you are a total fucking asshole."  Really?  What about our best man's 15 year old step daughter?  Am I an asshole because I don't give her a +1?  I think this statement is bull.

I'm not giving any of my friends from college a plus one because none of them are in relationships and they obviously all know each other...I know they won't need a date to have fun.  On the other hand, my coworker from my old job who is single, but doesn't know anyone else will be getting a plus one because I don't want her to feel uncomfortable.  I think that part is all relative and as long as you are considerate, you're fine.  The whole +1 thing is not an all or nothing deal like they make it out to be in the article.

NotColloquial

This is my favorite comment on there:

"...apparently throwing a wedding, no matter the size, turns people into dickbags.
It’s seriously like they treat the wedding like it’s a fucking bank heist, and if even the tiniest thing goes wrong or doesn’t go to plan, they will NEVER be able to make it out of there with all the presents that they managed to Ocean’s 11 away from their guests."

mizjodi

Wow, yeah, some angry people on there! They make some valid points, but in the way they do it, they kind of counteract their apparent view on ettiquette! I find the dichotomy amusing.

AbbeyS2011

Loved it!

I am giving all our guests that are not married/in a relationship and over 18 a plus one. 

When I was reading cash registry, "Chia Pet gift" came to mind, hehehehe.  

Did you all catch the post about the bride returning all kinds of gifts to the store and buying clothes instead? Major fail on her part.  She did marry someone, so half ownership of those gifts were his I am assuming.  Perhaps she bought him some socks though. 

mrjcre2011

I do think it's true that a lot of couples (or their parents) fail to take into account the comfort level of guests at the reception. I see no issue with not inviting +1 for guests if you don't have the space or money. In our case, we decided to accommodate +1 for everyone over the age of 18, regardless of whether they are in a relationship or not, mostly because we won't be able to spend a significant amount of time with everyone and we want them to be able to party it up with whomever they want. Most of our friends are friends with a lot of other guests so they should have a good time regardless, but sometimes going to a wedding with a date can be more fun (especially when the slow songs are playing). It's a romantic atmosphere and I want my guests to feel they can soak that up with an S.O. regardless of whether there is a ring on their finger or not, or if I know their guest or not. Not everyone feels the same way, and I've been to some weddings with that philosophy and it never bothered me, but it does bother others. You can't make everyone happy.

I also don't see what the big deal is with giving couples cash. A lot of people these days don't need stuff. People are living together first, getting married older, and already have the necessities. If what they NEED is a down payment or assistance on their honeymoon, then what's the big deal in giving money? They know how much items cost off their registry, so it's not like they don't already know how much you spent.

As far as cash bars, what's the issue? It's EXPENSIVE to provide an open bar, and not everyone can afford that. It's also a liability issue if someone gets completely lit because of all the "free" booze. In our case, we wanted to do an open bar, but it's waaaaaaaay too much money, so our compromise is open bar for the cocktail hour, cash bar during the reception, and (hopefully) a couple of bottles of wine per table during dinner to defray some of the cost to our guests. We want to be good hosts, but our wallets are only so big.

I do think some brides need to chill the eff out. It's ONE day. It's about spending your life with someone, not a fancy party to show people you can keep up with the Jones'. Save your pennies, have the party you can afford, keep in mind the ultimate goal, respect the feelings/finances/etc. of those included in the events, be good hosts to your guests, and expect that it will not go perfectly as planned. Following those guidelines will dramatically lower your stress and keep your attitude in check. Getting married is not a license to turn into a bratty princess that treats everyone around them like crap.