Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bach party dilemna

Got involved in a sticky situation and am now being asked to lie. I was invited to a back party for a friend this past weekend. It was small,we  stayed over night in a hotel went to a drag show and ice skating. I asked why the SIL (she is a ton of fun and I really admire her) was not invited and was told "she couldn't make it" which was a lie. So after the other guests splashed pictures and whatnot all over FB about the great party, the SIL weighs in that she was really hurt not to have been invited. I don't blame her, they spend every holiday together. So now I am  expected to lie and cover up that this was spontaneous and not planned. I don't  want to lie about this as her SIL has been through thick and thin. with her...I think she deserved alot better than this. Any thoughts? Also, if anyone out there is planning to diss people and not invite them to events, keep it off Facebook, or you are gonna create a world of hurt that will creep into your wedding joy.

Re: Bach party dilemna

  • I'd probably be honest if she asked me directly about it.  You're not the one who didn't invite her, so it's not your problem to lie about it.  But if she doesn't ask you, just stay out of it.

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  • edited December 2010
    Who asked you to lie?  If the SIL asks about the party, just direct her to the person who planned it.
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  • That's fairly shitty of your other friends.  It's one thing to not invite her, but they shouldn't expect you to cover their lie.  I would be honest with SIL and tell her that they had lied to you and that you're not sure why.  I also probably wouldn't want to hang out with those people in the future, but that's me.
  • When SIL asks you about it, I would just say I really wish you would speak to *whoever hosted party* and that you don't want to get into it.
    "In the old days my ass would be in your back yard picking cotton, so excuse me if I don't put much stock in how f*cking awesome the old days were." -Nuggs
  • J&K10910J&K10910 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2010
    OH MY GOD, you still spell dilemna with the n.  I was trying to convince people on another board last week that people used to spell it that way and it was an accepted spelling. 

    I would also not lie--maybe say you weren't involved in the planning (if you weren't), and direct them to the people that were. 

    ETA:  I also don't think the SIL should be asking you for details, and people shouldn't be asking you to lie.  It's not your drama, why is everyone trying to get you involved?

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • LVB, that picture is adorable!

    OP, who is asking you to lie?  Don't insert yourself into any drama, and if someone is trying to put you into the drama, be true to yourself.  Have integrity.  If you think the SIL was treated badly, you can say so.  If you are being asked to lie, you can refuse. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bach-party-dilemna?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:32976bfb-db1a-4bb4-9c49-5064a4e7781ePost:ff4af05d-2124-4d07-ad7b-e6cc8c70b45a">Re: Bach party dilemna</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd probably be honest if she asked me directly about it.  You're not the one who didn't invite her, so it's not your problem to lie about it.  But if she doesn't ask you, just stay out of it.
    Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

    This.
    Updated 1/17/11 imageWedding Countdown Ticker
  • Don't let yourself be put in the middle of the situation you did not create the problem you do not need to solve the problem!!!  You clearly had nothing to do with the planning of this party so you should not be held responsible to 'cover' for those who did plan it.  I completely understand why she is hurt and I don't blame her in the least!  Both of my future SIL will be invited to anything my sisters plan for me unless it is strictly a "Bridal Party" thing so no ones feeling can get hurt.  If she does ask you just be truthful in the fact that you didn't plan the get together and you have no idea why she was not invited but you understand why she is hurt.  
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  • I doubt the SIL will ask me about it directly. She has too much class. What has me PO'd is the "maid of honor" (a gay guy) is sending out group emails telling everyone to "shut the F up" and not contact or upset the Bride. He is the one who is asking everyone to lie. I am pee'd cuz I was lied to by the bride, and am now asked to lie for her. I am gonna have a straight up convo with her (no emailing or texting) and tell her that I am disappointed in her. Her fiance had a serious accident a few years back and her SIL moved heaven and earth to get him expensive medical treatment he needed and stayed by his side. I think she deserves better than this shabby treatment by this queeny MOH.Not sure how much the groom knows about these sheninigans. I predict some frosty family relations on his side...if this comes between him and his sister it will be shame.
  • Wow, yeah, I would probably address the bride directly.  Who you choose to be your MOH says a lot about you, especially when actions like this are reflected.  This is just a shitty situation and I would try to stay out of it as far as dealing with the SIl, but I would definitely advise the bride to handle this better.  As for after the wedding, I'm not sure if she's the type of person that I'd even want to maintain a close friendship with.  Her and her MOH actions on this are atrocious.
    Anniversary
  • Yeah, this is really not your fight.  If the SIL isn't going to say anything to you directly, then how would you be called on to lie?  Just stay out of it. 
  • It is weird that the bride now has this posse of gay guys around her constantly. She texts them every few minutes when they aren't physically there.What does it mean when a woman is suddenly is part of the gay male world?  They are very bitchy. I'd like to have my old friend back minus the Queens.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bach-party-dilemna?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:32976bfb-db1a-4bb4-9c49-5064a4e7781ePost:cacb2f2c-3410-4f37-8791-87031b0c4021">Re: Bach party dilemna</a>:
    [QUOTE]It is weird that the bride now has this posse of gay guys around her constantly. She texts them every few minutes when they aren't physically there.What does it mean when a woman is suddenly is part of the gay male world?  They are very bitchy. I'd like to have my old friend back minus the Queens.
    Posted by leafpeeper[/QUOTE]

    I don't know what that says about the bride, but this statement makes you seem like kind of a biitch.
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  • You are starting to sound like a real jerk, leafpeeper.  How on earth do you know how often the bride is texting other people?   And really?  They are around her constantly?  LIke there's a fabulous, sparkly parade around her at all times?  

    Speaking of bitchy . . . .
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bach-party-dilemna?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:32976bfb-db1a-4bb4-9c49-5064a4e7781ePost:cacb2f2c-3410-4f37-8791-87031b0c4021">Re: Bach party dilemna</a>:
    [QUOTE]It is weird that the bride now has this posse of gay guys around her constantly. She texts them every few minutes when they aren't physically there.What does it mean when a woman is suddenly is part of the gay male world?  They are very bitchy. I'd like to have my old friend back minus the Queens.
    Posted by leafpeeper[/QUOTE]

    Maybe it means that she likes them better than you. If this is how you talk about her friends - and how you view gay people in general - I'm not sure I can blame her.
  • She texts them when they are in the same room! It's jusr wierd that's all...this girl has a huge record of achievement - but is insecure. It  seems like she is using this new group of Mean Girls as a shield, None of them where in her life 'til about two years ago, and now she freaks if they are not constantly texting each other. It's just weird. I guess its time for me to get off the crazy bus; but its hard to have a friend turn into a stranger.
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