Family Only DW w/ AHR for Others

smilygrl17

I've already seen that everyone says its proper etiquette to invite whoever comes to an AHR to the DW. My question is why?

Ideally, I would rather elope and not have a big to do. My mother really wants a wedding cause I'm her only daughter. I don't like attention and I don't want all eyes on me. If I had a family only DW, it would be small and initimate and allow me to be a bit more comfortable. For my mother, we would have an AHR for others close to our family be able to celebrate with us.

If its family only at the DW why is it wrong to have others invited at an AHR?

Also-we are not registered anywhere or going to register anywhere, so having an AHR is not for the gifts.

kripeebear

@ hccpsu, I completely agree, thank you! I suppose it's bad etteiquite only for the fact that people say so. I DO understand those arguments and those are all valid points to consider, I will admit that. BUT, not enough to agree with it. I think that, or hope that, most people would want to go to an AHR to celebrate & support the marriage of the people they love, and that would also be the reason they were invited in the first place. Just as when some people decide to invite guests to their reception AFTER diner is over, just for dancing. Would you feel second string or would you feel honored they wanted you to celebrate in their love? So what if you didn't get to eat dinner. Did you show up for dinner and cake or did you show up because you love the couple and want to share in their happiness on the best day of their life together? Maybe people need to re-evaluate themselves instead of the brides.
I think of this situation as being similar to a graduation party....When someone graduates highschool, you throw a huge graduation party and invite tons of guests to come and bring cash and gifts to you. You don't invite all of those people to the actual graduation ceremony do you? No. How is a wedding different? If anything a AHR should be more acceptable than this because IMO this is something much more worthy to be celebrated than a high school graduation. And Smiley Girl 17 isn't even asking for gifts, how can anyone call that a cash grab? And for anyone to say that she would be the center of attention at a low-key AHR, no way. Think of when you throw a party, how is that the center of attention compared to an actual wedding reception?

amys325

We had a DW with 45 friends and our immediate family only (invited around 80).  Came back and had 3 AHRs (where we live, where i grew up and where he grew up) for the rest of our friends and family.  Invited well over 500 ppl to the AHRs.  We specifically stated "No gifts" and almost everyone got us gifts. 

I've never heard of this idea that you only invite the people to the AHR that were invited to the DW.  I've been to many DW with AHRs and they always invite many many more people.

Guess I missed the memo on that one.