A little weird...

brittblaz

So, I woke up this morning and while in the kitchen getting my breakfast I notice an envelope addressed to my FI laying open on our dining room table. Needless to say I was curious, and I wasn't snooping because I knew the person on the envelope who sent it. As I open it up I notice its a wedding invitation to this woman's wedding whom my fiance distantly works with and isn't very close to at work. I found it odd that she only addressed this invite to my FI, knowing that me and him having been engaged for a year and a half and have been living together for 9 months. When I asked him about this, he told me that she had told him that there wasn't enough room to invite me so she only invited him and felt reallllly bad about it.

Am I the only one not getting this? I think that was poor ettiquette and down right rude. Should I not have a reason to be a little upset by this?

misshart00

I think it's fine to be upset. SOs should be invited together. But since it sounds like your FI isn't close to this person at all, I would just see if he would decline.

Sierra524

You're FI really should decline the invite. It is so incredibly rude that she invited him and not you.

stantokm

She's being rude.  You're right to be upset by it.

daubachsgirl23

Definitely rude, and you have every right to be upset.  Hopefully your FI will decline the invitation, and that will be the end of it.

AJuliaNJ

It was DEFINITELY poor etiquette. I could not imagine inviting someone without their SO, especially a FI. Don't people understand that a wedding is more fun if you have someone to dance and hang around with? You have every right to be upset.

That being said, you don't necessarily have to make him decline it. If he thinks he will have fun, and it can help him network and bond with his work friends, I wouldn't stand in his way. No doubt it was rude, but I can't imagine forbidding him to go if he wants to go. What if he told me I couldn't go to a girls night out because he wasn't invited? I wouldn't like that at all, and I see it as being similar.

AddieCake

Yes, it was rude, but I'm sure your fiance will decline the invitation, so I wouldn't waste much time worrying about it since the couple is not really part of your life. 

MayberryAfterMidnight

I wonder if the woman felt like she had to invite everyone she works with? But her budget doesn't allow her to invite co-worker SOs?...Not that that makes it acceptable, but otherwise I can't figure out why she would invite your FI in the first place if they aren't close. In any case, as PPs have said, you have a right to feel a bit upset, but your FI declining the invite (and still continuing to be polite at work) will be the end of it.

ladytori

Your FI co-worker shouldn't have invited him unless you were invited too regardless of the reason (budget, not enough room, etc.). I wouldn't even bother sending her a gift.

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-little-weird?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:33364f68-3c71-41a2-94a3-8854995a6d18Post:026b8119-894a-48d3-bc31-313f85e5af9a">Re: A little weird...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>First of all, am I the only one who thinks that it isn't "snooping" if you know the person who sent it is an interesting interpretation of the word?</strong> But, yes, it is incredibly rude, and I would hope your FI would decline.  H and I have had a long standing rule that if we aren't important enough to invite both of us, you aren't important enough for the one you did invite to attend.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I kind of though so too. I know every couple is different, but, at least for us, snooping isn't even a word. We open each other's mail, I check his email and we'll look at each other's phones if it's the closest phone. The though that looking at open mail on the counter being snooping would never have crossed my mind.

But anyway, I agree with the PP who said to let him decide if he wants to go or not. OP, you;re right to be upset but your FI might have a good time.

Pookieson

We had a situation like this.  FI had a distant co-worker invite him to her wedding but she didn't have "room" for me.  He just declined on the RSVP.  Yes it is rude, but what can you do?  Did she give him the invite in person?  How it that you didn't see it until it was open on the table?  This wouldn't be a big deal in my house because we have no boundaries in regards to email, mail, phones, etc.  However, I think because you clarified you "weren't snooping" makes me feel like maybe you don't have that arrangment and maybe you WERE snooping, even if just a little bit.  I don't think it is a big deal, but I tend to agree with Stage on the snooping issue.

misssunshine17

I'll be honest, I'd probably throw a tantrum to FI and request that he doesn't go because it's a slap in your face.

brittblaz

To address the "snooping"...

I added that in for any of those out there who would have immediately jumped to that conclusion on their own. In no way do my FI and I hide things from eachother. That word doesn't exhist in our relationship, but in some, it may. I was only making a point and addressing all in this forum that they should not jump to that idea. I do believe in a relationship you should always be honest and trustworthy with your SO, otherwise there is no relationship. And as a side note, when I confronted my FI about the invite, in no way did he think by my looking at the invite was it a breach of privacy. That is not something we would think of if we left something laying around for the other to see.

Sorry for the verbage and miscommunication...I was typing this before heading for work.

Andama08

Very poor etiquette. If I can't invite a couple together I won't be inviting them at all. I would definitely decline, and possibly not even send in a declining RSVP.

Amyzen83

I can understand the co-worker not being able to afford everyone, but like people said, she should have invited you if she could afford the distant co-worker. Knowing my FI, he doesn't really enjoy other people's weddings anyway, and he'd enjoy them even less if I wasn't with him, might be a guy thing... He's only excited about our wedding. If your man's the same way, he probubly already decided he wasn't going and didn't want to upset you by telling you, that you weren't invited to something he was going decline anyway.