Head Table Etiquette?

FruitSnack84

I am torn between the idea of a sweetheart table and having the wedding party (and their dates) at a head table with us.

Part of me feels that the sweetheart table might seem selfish or anti-social, but I really am not a fan of my little sister's boyfriend (she's my maid of honor). They are just 21, but have been dating for about two years. I don't like him because he's rude and awkward, and I would prefer not to have to sit with him at my own wedding!

I don't feel that sitting the wedding party's dates apart from us is nice, but I have seen it done before.

Please share your thoughts and opinions! Thanks!

Calypso1977

i personally dont care for sweetheart tables as they really separate the B&G from everyone else and they are always situated at the front almost putting the couple on display.

you can have more than one head table.  at my cousin's wedding, they did 3 tables of 8 or 10 so the WP and dates were seated together and the bride and groom were with their sets of parents.  so you are all together at head tables, but your sister could easily be at one of the other tables.

Liane28

It was really important to my FI for us to be seated with each of our parents at our "head table" and we decided to have our siblings and their dates at the table with us and our parents.  Our WP will be seated at 2 tables on either side of our table...

He sold me the idea by saying "it's going to be our first official family dinner"

SJM7538

How big is the bridal party? You can always just seat them towards the end of the table?

courtski2004

We had 2 different round tables for WP so that everyone could sit with their significant others. I didn't really like the idea of an elevated head table.

My sister did a 'feasting table' which was a long table wich was placed across the center of the room. It was for the entire wedding party (which was large) and we all faced eachother (it was maybe 12 on one side and 12 on the other) which was really neat. You can set up seating arrangements to accomodate all WP members and their SO's, and strategically place your sister's bf further away from you. Truth be told, you really won't be sitting there long enough to even have to deal with him.

StephBeanWed61502

This is going to sound weird, but I feel like our sweetheart table actually made us more approachable for our guests than we would have been if we'd been sitting with a big group of friends. Our guests approached us most often at the table, I think because they felt less like they were "interrupting," since it was just the two of us sitting there.

SKPM

I vote any of the first three options. We had a sweetheart table and really liked it. My mom was afraid we would appear to be isolating ourselves, but I think it turned out fine. It was nice to have ten minutes together before starting table visits.

JaxInBlue

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_head-table-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3401ad80-8291-4d9e-87c6-374d8cc90238Post:5698ea95-9feb-4055-baf3-bb097b97f685">Re:Head Table Etiquette?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is going to sound weird, but I feel like our sweetheart table actually made us more approachable for our guests than we would have been if we'd been sitting with a big group of friends. Our guests approached us most often at the table, I think because they felt less like they were "interrupting," since it was just the two of us sitting there.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

This happened for us too!  We liked that at the sweetheart table we had space and time to actually eat (since we both loved the food we picked) - but guests also came up, said hi and talked about little things.  We didn't say seated for the whole dinner, though.  We started table visits between salad and entree and when we finished eating we resumed them.  We were probably seated for 30 minutes total, including time for toasts and blessing.

TheVirginians

We had three head tables. My brother (usher) hosted one and my sister (MOH) hosted the third. That way there was space for all the dates/SO. My mom planned it that way so they could be her mini-hosts. DH and I sat with OOT WP.

[Deleted User]

We're not doing a sweetheart table because we don't like being that much in the center of attention. We both get exceedingly awkward. That being said, we're probably just doing, most likely, MOH and best man (with their spouses...and our nephews if they come) so it's not a huge head table. The wedding parties folks will be seated elsewhere.

I'd say do what you want. I've been to weddings with both and I've never noticed it making a huge difference. The bride and groom are generally not at the table for very long either way!

heroeswearbrown

our sweetheart table will be seated among the rest of the guests actually. All tables facing the dance floor. I'm not overly fond of head tables and I think the SH table will be the perfect mix of us having our own space as well as being approachable.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

As a guest (date of a WP member) I enjoy sitting at a separate table from the B&G. Head tables can have an awkward layout and I'd really prefer the social atmosphere of a round table.

As a bride, we had a sweetheart table and I liked it.

banana468

I vote for the SH table.

If you sit at an intimate table with a few guests, you'll be away from them for a large chunk of time as you have to visit with guests.

The other option is the head table with dates.  

The method you choose needs to seat couples together.

nattykins

We were stuck on what to do for the head table as we didn't have a wedding party (but had our best friends as witnesses), we had a sword arch (military wedding) made up of his other good friends, and both of our parents are divorced with new parters... We had all kinds of different scenarios (just witnesses, witnesses and spouses, just sword party, immediate family) and finally, a few days before the wedding, decided on a sweetheart table (which was the option we wanted the least).

We LOVED it! I have social anxiety and never once felt like we were the center of attention. Instead, we were able to take some time to chat with eachother and have other people come chat with us. It also allowed all our guests to sit with friends in a more relaxed setting instead of at a more formal head table.

FruitSnack84

Thanks everyone for your advice! I'm definitely more sold on the sweetheart table now I do want everyone to sit with their dates, and my FI and I really hope to have a chance to eat some of the food!

ceceibson

I hadn't planned on having either a sweetheart or a head table.  But my sister and her husband were there helping us set up the tables prior to the wedding and reception and there was one table going across the room, with all the others lining up perpendicular, if that makes sense.  I figured we would use it for gifts or something, but by the time we got to the reception, somehow it had become the bride & groom's table.  I felt kind of silly sitting there, but as it turned out we really didn't sit for long anyway.

tjah

Not gonna bother reading all previous posts, but I love the idea of the sweetheart table. The whole day is so full, with getting ready, ceremony, family photos, reception, dancing, etc, etc, etc. It's all very structured.

I'm looking forward to doing a sweethert table with my husband to be, because (until the end of the night at least) I think it'll basically ensure that we have at least that time, just to ourselves, to bask in the first hours of wedded bliss.

You'll be dancing and partying with your guests all night, I don't think it should be considered antisocial at all

CFM102012

We're doing a SH table but we're not going to be up on a raised platform or anything. I'm going to ask the venue to just situate the SH table in amongst the reserved  tables (reserved for WP and immediate family). 

Meegles4

I'm personally not a fan of SH tables just because it felt more like the center of attention. Instead, we did a Captain's Table with us, WP, and their dates. It was fairly large (sat 25 people around a large rectangle) and was stationed in the middle of the room and not on a stage or anything like a traditional head table might be.

To be honest, we weren't at it for more than about 20 minutes because we did table visits. In addition, I could really only talk to my husband and my MOH who were sitting on either side of me. It would have been difficult to crane around and talk to whomever was sitting on the other side of them and so forth. I say that to explain that even if you do a head table with WP and their dates, you're likely really not going to notice or talk to your sister's boyfriend.

s-aries8990

I think a SH table allows the B&G to visit other tables during dinner without interrupting the table by leaving and coming back so many times

gundy21

DH and I sat with our parents.  BP members were at various tables with their spouses/kids/friends.

[Deleted User]

Our venue has offered us a "barbell" table. where we'd be in the middle with two round tables on either side of us so the WP and their dates can sit close to us, but not in one large straight table... we're most likely going to do that since neither FI or I are fans of the sweetheart table either.