Reception Beverages...meaning alcohol!

leayn

I have quite a few alcoholics on my side while my fiance has a picture perfect family.  In an effort to avoid any problems at the reception, I thought maybe Beer and Wine only would be a safer way to go then to have full open bar.

When my fiance shared this with his mom, she said "you can't ruin everyone's time just for a few people who can't control themselves".  I didn't like that at all.  Here are my thoughts:

1) Our ceremony is at 2pm....do people need to get wasted in the middle of the day?  If it was at 6pm, I would kind of see her point.  But really.

2) This will RUIN everyone's time?  Beer and wine ins't enough?  I can get plenty trashed from wine....but still think it is a better way to go.  Aren't people coming to the wedding to see us get married...not get drunk??  Aparently not.

3) We are paying for everything ourselves.  Cutting out the full bar does save us a chunk of money.  We are also having surf and turf for the dinner....kinda expensive, but we wanted the dinner to be really nice.  I think she should be happy with whatever we can afford.....even if we have to cut back elsewhere to get the few things we really want.

4) FInal thought...isn't it our day?  Why am I even caring about this?  Is it me?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one...I am not a big drinker because of my family history, so maybe it just isn't a big deal to me....but it could be to everyone else and I don't want to be biased with the final decision.

THANKS!!!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I think her response was very rude. Alcoholism goes beyond being able to "control" oneself.

However, I'm not sure how just beer and wine will stop alcoholics from drinking, you know?

Regardless, what you serve (or don't serve) is up to you. If you can afford to host beer and wine and want to do just those, and maybe a signature drink, that is perfectly acceptable. And I bet most people here will tell you they'd be fine with that, so long as there are several options for each.

MeaghanandMichael

1) You can still get just as drunk on beer or wine as you can on hard liquor.

2) Beer and wine is just fine and not rude to any one.

3) If this is something that is really going to cause problems with you FI's family, let them know they are welcome to pay for it. Refer to #1 as to why liquor is nbd at a reception.

eastunder1

I don't see a need for a full bar at 2pm.  Honestly, I wouldn't blink twice at a dry wedding at 2pm.  Evening is different of course, but I don't think there is a great demand for hard liquor mid day.

PLease dont use "isn't it our day" as an excuse for anything.  Ever.  Thanx.

katiewhompus

Yeah, I would just be telling her that it's an alcoholic issue as much as a budget issue. If she is willing to pay for the alcohol then that is an option, otherwise you will not be contibuting.

I think beer and wine, or beer/wine/signature drink will be fine. We had a small open bar at my 3pm Friday ceremony and people definitely did not come anywhere near drunk or even buzzed.

jasmineh7777

I think beer and wine is fine for a 2pm wedding. Our reception is at the same time, and we are just doing wine.

polichik

Wow, your FMIL is a beast. I'd flick her in the ear if I were you. If not having hard liquor is going to "ruin" her family's time, I feel sorry for her family. Beer and wine are fine. That's what we're doing. When one of FI's friends whined about being able to have his gin and tonic, I told him to bring a flask. Your FMIL can do the same if it's so damn important to her. What a peach. Sorry. I'm cranky.

katiewhompus

Poli, when I told mil that the reception was going to be beer/wine/soda she flipped, then said "Eh, I'll just bring my own bottle" ok, whatever. She then funded the liquor part of the open bar

EmmaBride2B

Saying that having a limited bar will "ruin everyone's time" is very like something an alcoholic would say.

And yeah, it's a 2 pm wedding, so I don't know that most people would care if it was dry, a limited bar is a great option.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-beveragesmeaning-alcohol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:34a210a6-04a5-46d0-b0f0-f62ce37a6f41Post:7c56c578-fcd8-44fb-838c-d57baa225630">Re: Reception Beverages...meaning alcohol!</a>:
[QUOTE]I think beer and wine is fine for a 2pm wedding. Our reception is at the same time, and we are just doing wine.
Posted by jasmineh7777[/QUOTE]

I honestly think beer and wine is fine, no matter what time the wedding is. I'm personally chosing to have a full bar for my evening wedding, but if I went to a wedding with 2-3 kinds of white wine, 2-4 kinds of red wine, 3-5 kinds of beer, and maybe sangria or mojitos, I would SO not be saying, "WTF? I can't get a ketel one martini?"

katiewhompus

Actually now that I look back at pictures, I'm fairly sure mil was wasted...and the only one...

Nebb

I have gotten drunk drinking beer at 2 pm, and im by no means an alcoholic. If its free, I will drink it. Just sayin.

sarah0725

Poli, I like it when you get scrappy.

Also, I'm doing beer and wine only, and I'm planning on spending a lot of time making sure the beer and wine choices are really interesting, so anybody who complains will get a punch in the nose. My reception starts at 12pm.

polichik

Yay Sarah! *internet hug* don't worry, I'm still scrappy, just simultabeously huggy. Katie, that's the perfect thing for her to have done in that situation. Sucks that the OP's FMIL won't be doing the same. Nebb, you should come over and get drunk on beer with me.

MyNameIsNot

Beer and wine is fine, and is a good way to cut the budget.  But limiting the bar because you think someone will get drunk is stupid.  If people will abuse alcohol, they will find a way regardless.  If you are concerned, speak with the bar staff and make sure they are paying attention and prepared to cut guests off if they go too far.  

People who use the expression "it's my day" make me want to get stabby.  Please delete that from your vocabulary.  

Nebb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-beveragesmeaning-alcohol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:34a210a6-04a5-46d0-b0f0-f62ce37a6f41Post:933e7c52-ee92-4bad-a3bb-d3cd459999dc">Re: Reception Beverages...meaning alcohol!</a>:
[QUOTE]Yay Sarah! *internet hug* don't worry, I'm still scrappy, just simultabeously huggy. Katie, that's the perfect thing for her to have done in that situation. Sucks that the OP's FMIL won't be doing the same. <strong> Nebb, you should come over and get drunk on beer with me.</strong>
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]
That sounds like a wonderful time, IM IN!

ohwhynot

Our wedding starts at 6pm, and we're most likely just offering beer and wine.  Fi wants to host an open bar, which we'll do if our funds can cover, but if not . . . beer and wine will have to do.  It's strictly a budget issue.  And I hate to admit it, but it's not even 2-4 kinds of reds, 2-4 kinds of whites, and interesting microbrews.  We haven't worked out the details, but it's probably going to be a single red choice, a single white choice, and two kinds of beer: light and dark. 

Your MIL sounds like a jerk, but frankly you didn't win many points with teh "but it's my day!" or the flawed logic that somehow alcoholics won't get trashed on beer/wine.  I rarely drink mixed drinks and I've been good & drunk on many, many occasions. 

polichik

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-beveragesmeaning-alcohol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:34a210a6-04a5-46d0-b0f0-f62ce37a6f41Post:7a54d0ad-06e7-4c08-a4fd-aa74c2ce5700">Re: Reception Beverages...meaning alcohol!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Reception Beverages...meaning alcohol! : That sounds like a wonderful time, IM IN!
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

WOOOOOO!!

katiewhompus

Oh, and as much as it really does kill me to admit it, my dad is a hardcore alcoholic. Not the abusive or mean type, but he was regularly drinking about 10 beers a day and would get drunk just sitting watching tv.
I told him I wanted my dad to remember my wedding, and please not get out of control.
Not only did he not drink at all that day, but he has since cut back and , while not completely dry, is well on his way to being a healthy social drinker.

polichik

Katie, I'm so glad to hear that. It must've been difficult to level with him, and it's great that he really seemed to take it to heart.

leayn

What I meant by "its our day" is we are getting married, so people should be happy and want to share the moment with us.  I didn't mean "its MY day and I'm CRAZY!!"  Didn't mean to come across like a snooty toot pants or anything...I'm actually really laid back and am just surprised his fam even cares about this.

My Dad and Step Dad are the alcoholics.  There have already been a few issues with them regarding who is walking me down the isle, whose name was in the paper for the engagement announcement, even whose name goes first on the invite...and the wedding is still over a year away...AHHHH!  They each have a specific liquor they get sloppy with.  Usually when I have a party at my house, I ask people to flask it (or stash the stuff somewhere and hide it from these two) and we only have beer or wine.  Since that's not what they drink everyday, they'll might have a few....but not even close to what they down when their fav drinky-poo is around.  They also usually skip out early, mainly so they can get home to the sauce. 

Thanks for all the advice...I thought maybe it was me.  I feel much better now!