Wedding Etiquette Forum

Catering problems... very sick chef

I work at a non-profit agency and the chef who works here has become a good friend. He offered to cater my wedding and make my "wedding cheesecake" at cost. I am serving a full-course meal and like I said, am going to have cheesecake replace the traditional wedding cake (sheet cake will be available, however). The cost to cater it out would be wayyy over my budget, and my friend was trained in culinary arts while living in France, so needless to say I was ecstatic. However, he has a genetic disorder which has caused him to because very frail as he ages. I also have learned that he has cancer. He has not been to work in over a month because he is recovering from emergency surgery that is related to the cancer. I want the best for him and want him to get better, but I know it would make him sad if I told him that I had found another caterer. He is very giving that way and was really going over the top for my wedding. Also, if he could not cater my wedding I would have to make A LOT of sacrifices due to the budget. My wedding is in five months. That is enough time for things to get better or get a lot worse. Problem is, i need to start finding a caterer pretty soon if he is not going to be up to it. I am nervous about my budget, but absolutely do not want to stress him out or make him feel obligated to do something he isn't up to. What should I do? Wait, talk to him about it, or just look for another caterer? Would it be reasonable to ask him to still make the cheesecakes?

FYI: there will be between 75-100 people eating at the reception
My food budget is about $800 or so

Re: Catering problems... very sick chef

  • I'd talk to him about it soon and start looking into options for another caterer pronto.  If you have to get another caterer you are going to have a VERY hard time finding anything for $1.00 a person if you want a full dinner.  You might be better off with an afternoon dessert/punch reception.
  • If he's your good friend like you said, you should be able to sit down with him and discuss the situation.  "Look, friend, I know you're very excited about the wedding, but I understand if you're no longer feeling up to it.  If there's any question about it, let me know, and I'll find another caterer--I don't want to stress you out!"  Maybe he can still do your cake, or something, if he feels up to it.  I wouldn't want to have to find a new caterer last minute.

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  • I lke Loopy's idea of a cake and punch reception, or JK's idea of him doing your cake only.  Is there a restaurant that could cater?  I know alot of foreign restarants (especially mexican and chinese) can work within that budget.
  • I think I do need to talk to him sooner than later. However, I will have to figure something out for my guests. The wedding is on a Wednesday afternoon/evening and the reception will be from 5:30 - 9:00. The wedding/reception is happening over an hour from where we all live, so it's not like they can just eat and then come to the reception. We are trying to have a semi-formal wedding, so I don't think punch and desserts will work. I don't know where everyone is from, but in Utah, $5000 for a wedding is not considered an inexpensive wedding. A lot of Utah weddings look nice but when you get married in the Church, pretty much EVERYTHING gets donated. Things are really cheap here. I guess that's something I can use to my advantage. From looking at other catering menues, I might be able to find something pretty nice with chicken for around $15/pp. Is that typical in other states? It had been my original plan to have my friend cook steak, mashed garlic or sweet potatoes, homemade rolls, asparagus, stuffed mushrooms, etc. etc. Obviously, this is way out of my budget if he is too ill to do it anymore. Foreign food is out though, unless it is Mediteranian.
    I think I have talked myself into my own solution. I need to talk to him now. Like J&K said, it would SUCK to have to find a new caterer last minute.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_catering-problems-very-sick-chef?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:36040eca-e37a-4d17-9c68-9b949ef53d44Post:6026fdae-ac5a-4753-b3ff-058b0ee2cadb">Re: Catering problems... very sick chef</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think I do need to talk to him sooner than later. However, I will have to figure something out for my guests. <strong>The wedding is on a Wednesday afternoon/evening and the reception will be from 5:30 - 9:00. The wedding/reception is happening over an hour from where we all live, so it's not like they can just eat and then come to the reception. We are trying to have a semi-formal wedding, so I don't think punch and desserts will work. </strong>I don't know where everyone is from, but in Utah, $5000 for a wedding is not considered an inexpensive wedding. A lot of Utah weddings look nice but when you get married in the Church, pretty much EVERYTHING gets donated. Things are really cheap here. I guess that's something I can use to my advantage. From looking at other catering menues, I might be able to find something pretty nice with chicken for around $15/pp. Is that typical in other states? It had been my original plan to have my friend cook steak, mashed garlic or sweet potatoes, homemade rolls, asparagus, stuffed mushrooms, etc. etc. Obviously, this is way out of my budget if he is too ill to do it anymore. Foreign food is out though, unless it is Mediteranian. I think I have talked myself into my own solution. I need to talk to him now. Like J&K said, it would SUCK to have to find a new caterer last minute.
    Posted by jackyghan[/QUOTE]
    If you're having it from 5:30 to 9 then a cake and punch reception won't work anyway, regardless of formality.  You need to serve a meal of some sort if your reception is during a mealtime, as yours is.



  • I got a small pizza place in town to cater our wedding. Their dinner prices are usually around $8.50pp so we were able to get them to cater for that including a server and set up and such. It might be worth checking out a small plce that norally doesnt do "formal" catering. They were just as good as any other caterer, since we did buffet, and a nice budget price!

  • You need to talk to him about it soon.  Make sure he is aware you don't want him to feel obligated to do it if he can't handle it or is sick.  You should start looking into other catering and get prices and availability for them just in case. 

    As PP said, you couls always do a cake and punch reception.  With a few different dessert type options it would be easier for him (or someone else) to handle, and cost less.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_catering-problems-very-sick-chef?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:36040eca-e37a-4d17-9c68-9b949ef53d44Post:2aa4ce48-93ee-4938-bf95-ab3f39eb5703">Re: Catering problems... very sick chef</a>:
    [QUOTE]You need to talk to him about it soon.  Make sure he is aware you don't want him to feel obligated to do it if he can't handle it or is sick.  You should start looking into other catering and get prices and availability for them just in case.  As PP said, you couls always do a cake and punch reception.  With a few different dessert type options it would be easier for him (or someone else) to handle, and cost less.
    Posted by Grits8812[/QUOTE]
    But only if it's at a different time than is currently planned.



  • I agree with PP but want to add that you should stress that you want him to focus on getting better.  It might help him feel better about not being able to do more than the cheesecake (love the idea btw).
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