shower thank you woes.

violet355

So apparently my FMIL made a faux pas and did the give everyone an envelope so they can fill in their address for me.

I had no idea, or I would've told her not to.  It's not like I don't already have everyone's address (how would i be able to send out their wedding invites!)  She is also under the impression that every female invited to the wedding should have been invited to my shower too.  That one is NBD though.

Boo to the envelopes.  But I guess I'll have to use them anyway, it was nice of her to get me thank you cards.

crash2729

I'm in the "I don't see the big deal" about the addresses. I would just use them because if I filled out my address then didn't get the envelope I would probably side-eye. Like "Why did I waste my time on that?" KWIM?

jessicabessica

Relax.  It was her faux pas, not yours.  Write heartfelt thank you notes to each guest and don't worry about it.

lauralaur

I was given an envelope at my neighbor's baby shower. I live next door! I wrote "Just drop it in my mail box" on the envelope.

I would be a little embarrassed too but you may as well use them.

DramaGeek

I probably wouldn't use them.  And everytime I've had to do that stupid thing, when I get it in the mail I always think "who the hell has the same handwriting as me in _________(state the card came from)?"  Then i open it and see who it's from and remember that I had to fill out my own envelope.  So I would guess a lot of people wouldn't remember having filled it out, but it might just be me.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-thank-you-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:36249375-fa4b-4ebd-ba76-215e4fbf9134Post:5f673e59-3d2b-4840-aba2-c74116fd0b6b">Re: shower thank you woes.</a>:
[QUOTE]I think every bridal/baby shower that I have been to had the guest write their address. Its not a big deal and I doubt anyone would see it as an issue that they had to write their address.
Posted by snippet17[/QUOTE]

Don't be so sure.

I can recall each instance that I was requested to do this and I loathed it every time.    The only action I should have to take to get a TY note is to give a gift.    I find the practice repugnant and wish it would go away as quickly as it arrived to be the new thing to do.

MoxieMickie

In Respons

achiduck

I would just use the envelops your guests filled out. I personally loathe this. When I found out my shower hostesses bought me the matching thank you notes I spoke to my MsOH and asked that they not have guests fill them out, that I would prefer to do it myself. 

Lincolnmagoo

I agree with snippet - if it interrupts your life that much to have to write your name and address then that's a shame. I've seen most hostesses of a shower use them as the cards they draw from for raffling baskets or games, so it serves two purposes. Personally I don't see it as an issue at all and would find someone sitting next to me at a shower who was huffing and puffing about it to be kind of a snob.

zizibet

If i took the time out of my life to shop for a shower gift foryou, and then took time out of my life to go to your shower, you need to write a TY note.

Sharpschruter22

In Response to Re:shower thank you woes.:I probably wouldn't use them.nbsp; And everytime I've had to do that stupid thing, when I get it in the mail I always think quot;who the hell has the same handwriting as me in _________state the card came from?quot;nbsp; Then i open itnbsp;and see who it's from and remember that I had to fill out my own envelope.nbsp; So I would guess a lot of people wouldn't remember having filled it out, but it might just be me. Posted by DramaGeek This. I absolutely would not use them. Everything Drama said is exactly how I feel and if you redo them those who remember filling it out and were offended will realize you had nothing to do with requesting that. Then you will be redeemed in their eyes. To all those who think it's no big deal, speak for yourself only. I think it is a huge etiquette gaffe. Last time this happened I refused to fill it out. I still received a thank you which is better than not receiving one, but it came as a joint card to my mother's house that mom had filled out in her name only thanking us both for the separate gifts we gave. Sheesh!

DramaGeek

The last time I had to do this, my mom and I gave a joint gift, but my mom couldn't attend.  The hostess told me they didn't have enough envelopes and would we mind sharing?  Um, yeah, actually, we would mind.  We are two people who do not live together, we each should get our own thank you card, thankyouverymuch.

Sharpschruter22

Exactly! Buy another flippin envelope! Or make one for Pete's sake. It takes one minute, maybe? We did not give a joint gift, did not live together, and my mom even told the bride she didn't need a thank you note. That's good that the bride still sent one, but to both of us and to her address? That irritated me a bit. If mom forgot to say she received it, I never would have. At church showers, brides and new moms typically write names only on the envelopes and place them in the foyer for people to pick up next time they go to church. I work on Sundays so when this happens, I rarely receive the note. Just spend the ten seconds per note to write the address, stick a measly stamp on it and send it out. Rawr.

Summer2011Bride

I think it's rude. I don't get how there's anything snobby about thinking the recipient of a gift should be able to write an address on an envelope. If I spent the time and money to find a gift I'd thought you'd really like, and you can't even be bothered to address the darn TY note? THAT comes across as snobby to me.

OP, you didn't know, so I understand your embarrassment, but what's done is done. I would still use the envelopes because they're already done, and as a guest, I'd remember filling it out and wonder why it wasn't used.

2012FutureMrsB

This is a little off-topic, but I wanted to add to the whole "TY note for two people thing." My DH and I went to a graduation party last spring for one of his family members. We were engaged at the time and brought a gift together. His mom brought a totally separate gift. Who got the TY note? H and his mom. It was addressed to both of them and my name didn't even appear on the card. And it wasn't even mailed or delievered. We went to visit H's great aunt one day and she gave it to us. Apparently the graduate had dropped it off at her place to give to H and his mom whenever she saw them. Sheesh.

Benny618

My FSIL did this at her shower last weekend.  The bridesmaids (which includes me) were asked to let the guests know to fill out their address on an envelope.  My mom and I were so embarassed... I did my best to go up to all the guests from our side to let them know (as requested), and to side eye it with them so they knew it wasn't our faux pas.  Many of them asked if they should write their own thank you note as well.  Face palm. 

reppunzel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-thank-you-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:36249375-fa4b-4ebd-ba76-215e4fbf9134Post:d1454f79-6aff-4596-9682-ec5fecc9768e">Re: shower thank you woes.</a>:
[QUOTE] if it interrupts your life that much to have to write your name and address then that's a shame. I've seen most hostesses of a shower use them as the cards they draw from for raffling baskets or games, so it serves two purposes. Personally I don't see it as an issue at all and would find someone sitting next to me at a shower who was huffing and puffing about it to be kind of a snob.
Posted by Lincolnmagoo[/QUOTE]

I've encountered the address-your-own-envelope thing at two showers now and strongly dislike it. 

I did <em>not</em> huff and puff.
I <em>was</em> given to feel that I had created a nuisance for the bride by taking time to buy her a gift and come to the shower and the least I could do for insisting on being so tiresome was to save her the bother of writing out my name and address.

NOT the way I would want any of my friends or family to feel.  I can write four short lines on an envelope.

Nor would I want a friend I'd given a shower for to feel as OP does.  (OP, I did understand as a guest that this reflected on the hostesses and not the bride, fwiw).

Jen4948

As a guest, I hate the "guests address envelopes" activity.  Part of writing a gracious thank-you note is addressing the envelope oneself instead of making a guest do it.  As an honoree, I am capable of addressing envelopes myself.

If the idea behind it is because the hostess doesn't have the snail mail addresses of the guests, she should obtain that from the guests before they come-or don't invite them.

As the honoree, you can use those envelopes if you want to, and of course you shouldn't get indignant and nasty about it.  Or, you can say when this is suggested, "You know, I would be happy to get your snail mail addresses, but rather than have you address the envelopes yourself, could you E-mail them to this address later?" and give them your E-mail address.  If there's anyone who can't be reached that way, just approach them privately and ask them for their snail mail address without asking them to address the envelope.