Exactly who gets to bring a "guest"?

angielipa

Anyone 18+?  I'm clueless.

kcscejal

Everyone in a relationship must be allowed to. Truly single people don't, but if you can afford it, it is nice to extend them a plus one. Especially if they don't know anyone else or have to travel.

jessicabessica

People in relationships should bring a guest.  I would find out that person's name, though, so you can write it on the invite instead of "and guest," which I think is kind of lazy and rude for someone in a relationship.  It's nice to invite the members of the wedding party with an "and guest" regardless of their relationship status. 

Some people invite all guests 18+ with a guest, but that's not required, etiquette-wise. 

We are inviting significant others only (don't have a wedding party). 

SilverLining1

If you can afford to invite everyone over 18 with a guest, do it! If not, don't worry, it's not necessary. As long as anyone who is in a relationship is invited with their S/O, you've got your etiquette bases covered.

ETA: Wedding party also gets to bring guests

kristeno90

It all depends on how many people your venue can hold but typically it is anyone who is married, engaged, or in an exclusive relationship. Also, it is up to you as to weather or not children are invited.

specialk84

We are giving guests a +1 if they meet any of the following criteria:

-In a committed relationship (their judgement, not mine)

-Traveled more than two hours

-Won't know anyone else besides FI or me

-Is a member of the wedding party

angielipa

Yeah, I'm kinda feelin' the whole over 18 thing, but he has cousins that are 18+ that still live at home.  I don't really know how to work all that out.  Yikes!

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_exactly-gets-bring-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:363b8b44-e622-4fca-8b5a-de2676ab3a7ePost:a2043ecf-5fc2-4f9c-ae24-e842e42a0403">Re: Exactly who gets to bring a "guest"?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, I'm kinda feelin' the whole over 18 thing, but he has cousins that are 18+ that still live at home.  I don't really know how to work all that out.  Yikes!
Posted by angielipa[/QUOTE]

If you're not sure how to do the invites...anyone over 18 should get their own invitation if you're playing by the rules.  So you would send one to their parents, and one to the cousin "and guest." 

If you don't want to give them a +1 because they live at home, but you are going to give everyone over 18 a +1, I don't think that's such a great idea. 

specialk84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_exactly-gets-bring-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:363b8b44-e622-4fca-8b5a-de2676ab3a7ePost:a2043ecf-5fc2-4f9c-ae24-e842e42a0403">Re: Exactly who gets to bring a "guest"?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, I'm kinda feelin' the whole over 18 thing, but he has cousins that are 18+ that still live at home.  <strong>I don't really know how to work all that out.</strong>  Yikes!
Posted by angielipa[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm not sure I follow you.  You ask if they're seeing anyone and get that person's name.  You address the invitation to the cousin and his/her date (or put "and guest" if there's not anyone specific).  Done and done.</div>

hlq2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_exactly-gets-bring-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:363b8b44-e622-4fca-8b5a-de2676ab3a7ePost:105e4e5c-7f70-44b3-beff-93d18d8a6860">Re: Exactly who gets to bring a "guest"?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are giving guests a +1 if they meet any of the following criteria: -In a committed relationship (their judgement, not mine) -Traveled more than two hours -Won't know anyone else besides FI or me -Is a member of the wedding party
Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]


This.

angielipa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_exactly-gets-bring-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:363b8b44-e622-4fca-8b5a-de2676ab3a7ePost:7a9dd171-0460-4cfb-b35e-7434dbd170e2">Re: Exactly who gets to bring a "guest"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Exactly who gets to bring a "guest"? : I'm not sure I follow you.  You ask if they're seeing anyone and get that person's name.  You address the invitation to the cousin and his/her date (or put "and guest" if there's not anyone specific).  Done and done.
Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]

So, technically, If I have two cousins that still live at home, I will be sending 3 invitations to one household?

specialk84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_exactly-gets-bring-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:363b8b44-e622-4fca-8b5a-de2676ab3a7ePost:0f9a6131-467b-4a4d-9556-ce602db14bfc">Re: Exactly who gets to bring a "guest"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Exactly who gets to bring a "guest"? : So, technically, If I have two cousins that still live at home, I will be sending 3 invitations to one household?
Posted by angielipa[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes.  If someone 18 or over still lives at home, he or she gets a separate invitation.</div>

hlq2011

Yeah, that's one etiquette rule I broke.  But I also know my cousin doesn't care about these things.

angielipa

Ugh, I feel like sending 3 invites to one house is so wasteful and time consuming.  But I guess that's just the way it's gonna be!  haha. 

I'm probably just going to go ahead and give everyone over 18 a +1.  Mainly because it's going to be really hard to try to "figure out" who is in a committed relationship etc. 

tmbryant1

I would only send 1 invitation to each household. Even though they are over 18 the name can just be added to it. As for the +1, if they are in a committed relationship or something to that degree then yes it will be +1. If his cousin just wants to bring someone he met a week ago just to "have a good time" no that will not be a +1!

jenjenaz

my rule for +1 is
a)  married, engaged or living together
b)  won't know anyone else at the wedding
c)  in a long term relationship (i.e. 2+ years) but don't meet any of the above.

of course, i'm sure i'll break the rules if something special comes up.

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_exactly-gets-bring-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:363b8b44-e622-4fca-8b5a-de2676ab3a7ePost:4e254d0b-9507-483c-8ae6-f741c270ca6f">Re: Exactly who gets to bring a "guest"?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would only send 1 invitation to each household. Even though they are over 18 the name can just be added to it. As for the +1, if they are in a committed relationship or something to that degree then yes it will be +1. If his cousin just wants to bring someone he met a week ago just to "have a good time" no that will not be a +1!
Posted by tmbryant1[/QUOTE]

Again, it's not proper etiquette to include adult children on their parents' invitation. 

I'm cutting corners here with regard to some cousins that I rarely see but am inviting, but I'm not going to post on the Etiquette board that what I'm doing is the right thing to do and recommend that other brides who are concerned about etiquette (since the question was asked on this board) do the same as me. 

Habs2Hart

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_exactly-gets-bring-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:363b8b44-e622-4fca-8b5a-de2676ab3a7ePost:3052420e-510c-44ab-94a5-72d3672a2685">Re: Exactly who gets to bring a "guest"?</a>:
[QUOTE]my rule for +1 is a)  married, engaged or living together b)  won't know anyone else at the wedding c)  in a long term relationship (i.e. 2+ years) but don't meet any of the above. of course, i'm sure i'll break the rules if something special comes up.
Posted by jenjenaz[/QUOTE]

Really?  2+ years?  That's ridiculous.  Why 2 years?  A lot of people are married before 2 years.  What about those that are serious and exclusive after a month?  6 months?  1 year?  1.5 years?  Your wedding is not an opportunity to judge someone's relationship status.  If I was dating someone for over a year and they weren't invited because they didn't make the year length cut, I'd be pissed.

jenjenaz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_exactly-gets-bring-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:363b8b44-e622-4fca-8b5a-de2676ab3a7ePost:3e3c76fe-3055-4e1c-bf68-b6f420966f0f">Re: Exactly who gets to bring a "guest"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Exactly who gets to bring a "guest"? : Really?  2+ years?  That's ridiculous.  Why 2 years?  A lot of people are married before 2 years.  What about those that are serious and exclusive after a month?  6 months?  1 year?  1.5 years?  Your wedding is not an opportunity to judge someone's relationship status.  If I was dating someone for over a year and they weren't invited because they didn't make the year length cut, I'd be pissed.
Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]

just a judgement call...if someone had been dating 23 months i wouldn't be all 'nope, you don't make the cut'.  after a month, no.  after 6 months - eh?  depends on my relationship with the couple.  after a year -- yeah, you're right, i probably would invite them.

maybe i didn't think about my answer enough - because i've only got one friend on my invite list that has a SO where they're not engaged/married/living together - and they've been together 7 years!  everyone else is either single or casually dating around, or married.  most are married.

so yeah, maybe i should revise that...

jtmh2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_exactly-gets-bring-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:363b8b44-e622-4fca-8b5a-de2676ab3a7ePost:a16c8108-0bf3-433d-b799-6f41effdf57d">Re: Exactly who gets to bring a "guest"?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, that's one etiquette rule I broke.  But I also know my cousin doesn't care about these things.
Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]

I'm breaking it as well, but my family has already told me to.

nasagirl29

I'm also unsure about whether I should send separate invitations to cousins over 18 who are still in school or living at home. I know that ettiquitte dictates that they should receive separate invitations, but my mom is worried that it will look like we expect separate gifts from my cousins, which we definitely don't as they are still in school and also not exceptionally close to me. My concern is that since I am the first cousin to get married, they may not be aware of the ettiquitte rule that says they should receive separate invitations and perceive it as us trying to get more money/gifts. Any advice?

mica178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_exactly-gets-bring-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:363b8b44-e622-4fca-8b5a-de2676ab3a7ePost:458042b3-5765-42e4-b71c-f594d980a0fd">Re: Exactly who gets to bring a "guest"?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm also unsure about whether I should send separate invitations to cousins over 18 who are still in school or living at home. I know that ettiquitte dictates that they should receive separate invitations, but my mom is worried that it will look like we expect separate gifts from my cousins, which we definitely don't as they are still in school and also not exceptionally close to me. My concern is that since I am the first cousin to get married, they may not be aware of the ettiquitte rule that says they should receive separate invitations and perceive it as us trying to get more money/gifts. Any advice?
Posted by nasagirl29[/QUOTE]

<div>From an etiquette standpoint, 18+ year olds living at home get their own invitations.  Practically speaking, if you're worried, you can spread by word-of-mouth to your relatives that you don't expect individual gifts from every invitation sent.</div>