Seating -future husband's father and family

lahlah12bk · September 2012

Hi ladies! Since you were so helpful last time, I'm wondering if someone can help me on this one. My fiancé is not at all close with his father, who lives in a different state with his second wife and three sons (one 18, two pre-teens). Still, fh works hard to maintain something of a relationship with his dad and half-brothers, even though his entire family hates his father and won't speak with him. In the spirit of maintaining the relationship, we have invited the the family, as a unit, to our wedding. We have gotten some flack, and some tears, about this but fi feels they should be invited and we've stood our ground and made it clear that we are trusting everyone to be on good behavior.

My problem now is, where do I seat these people? The children will be the only children at the wedding (simply bc we don't have any other kids in our lives) and the tables are all 8-10. Is it fair to ask adults to sit with children they don't know? My gut says no. Will they look like social outcasts if they are alone at a table? The wedding is pretty small and everyone has heard (from fis family) that this man did some pretty awful things to fi and his mother and sister, so I feel it's unfair to sit a family friend with them as well.

I'm open to about any solution except scraping assigned tables. I also can't change the type of tables we have at the venue. Thanks in advance!

bigfootjax · September 2012

Make them sit outside. Problem solved. Your welcome.

Meegles4 · September 2012

Don't scrap assigned tables. I would try to find at least one other couple to make it a table of 7, preferably 2 other couples. Do you have 2 other couples who know each other, but maybe not too many other people. I'm thinking co-workers or friends.

I do think it'd be weird to just have a table of 5. I don't think it's asking too much to have some other guests (i.e. the 1-2 couples I mention above) to sit with "kids". It's not as though they're five year olds. Pre-teens are perfectly capable of acting their age and sitting for dinner without throwing temper tantrums.

Unrelated: Bigfoot, I see you've made a re-appearance. However, there's really not too many people here anymore, so your trolling is pretty pointless.

arendiva · September 2012

honestly if the kids are 11+ than they should be mature enough that they can talk to adults they don't know. I mean i could see if the were like 4 why you would feel bad if other adults had to sit with them but I doubt it will be a problem. If it's truly the case that everyone else on your dad's side of the family hates them than I would seat them at a table with a couple random people from your side of the guest list.

jessicabessica · September 2012

I agree with PPs. It's fine to sit other adults with the family, but I would look for "nice randoms"--people that don't know the backstory but aren't particularly hard to get along with. I would try to find 2 other couples to put at that table.