Bridal Shower in Hometown - etiquette on guests

gwynniest

My mom would like to throw a bridal shower in the town I grew up in, which is NOT the town we're getting married in.  Traveling to the wedding will cost more than many of these people can afford, so we are not planning on inviting people to the wedding that we expect will not come, because then it looks like we're just asking for a gift.   Under these circumstances, is it rude to invite them to the shower and not the wedding?  I get it's rude if it's all in the same place or close by, but some of her friends I've know for decades and this would be our only opportunity to celebrate together.  Help!!

dumdumfroggie

Anyone invited to pre-wedding parties must be invited to the wedding.

The only possible exceptions are Church showers and work showers.

jessicabessica

The distance between the shower and the wedding doesn't matter.  If you want to celebrate with people, invite them to the wedding, and then whatever prewedding parties you want.  

CarleyBo

Everyone invited to the wedding doesn't have to be invited to the shower.  But everyone invited to the shower (and bachlorette party) should be invited to the wedding.

RaptorSLH

We give the same answer to people getting married at an island resort as we do to those having a hometown wedding.  What made you think your situation was different?

gwynniest

we know they would not be able to afford to travel to the wedding...I'd love it if they could come, but I know it's not feasible and that seems inconsiderate on my part.  

dumdumfroggie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-hometown-etiquette-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:36cf90bb-9782-4eb5-bdfa-923aebde95b7Post:659cecc2-43ed-4534-a671-43915b240ce8">Re: Bridal Shower in Hometown - etiquette on guests</a>:
[QUOTE]we know they would not be able to afford to travel to the wedding...<strong>I'd love it if they could come, but I know it's not feasible</strong> and that seems inconsiderate on my part.  
Posted by gwynniest[/QUOTE]

<div>If you want them there, invite them.  The inconsiderate part is assuming that they won't be able to come.</div><div>
</div><div>An invitations is not a summons if they want to go and can make it, they will, if not, they won't.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

midgetthemighty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-hometown-etiquette-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:36cf90bb-9782-4eb5-bdfa-923aebde95b7Post:659cecc2-43ed-4534-a671-43915b240ce8">Re: Bridal Shower in Hometown - etiquette on guests</a>:
[QUOTE]we know they would not be able to afford to travel to the wedding...I'd love it if they could come, but I know it's not feasible and that seems inconsiderate on my part.  
Posted by gwynniest[/QUOTE]

So you know all of the personal finances of all of the people in this town?

The cut and dry answer has already been given to you. Everyone invited to a shower has to be invited to the wedding. If <em>they</em> decline the wedding invitation for whatever reason, that is not your fault.

rebarobert2012

If you invite them to the shower, you must invite them to the wedding.  Otherwise, it does look gift grabby.  I know that is not your intent, but that is the way it will appear to people.

froggatt.clare

PPs are right.  I understand in theory what you're trying to do (include people in the wedding who may not be able to make it to the reception), but it won't look that way to them - they will see it as a grab for gifts if they are not also invited to the wedding.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-hometown-etiquette-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:36cf90bb-9782-4eb5-bdfa-923aebde95b7Post:659cecc2-43ed-4534-a671-43915b240ce8">Re: Bridal Shower in Hometown - etiquette on guests</a>:
[QUOTE]we know they would not be able to afford to travel to the wedding...I'd love it if they could come, but I know it's not feasible and that seems inconsiderate on my part.  
Posted by gwynniest[/QUOTE]


But you know they can afford to get you a gift?

They're adults, let them make their own financial decisions.

Ljacks87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-hometown-etiquette-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:36cf90bb-9782-4eb5-bdfa-923aebde95b7Post:30a01a51-56ae-4f80-a6d4-5ed45fe6f6d1">Re: Bridal Shower in Hometown - etiquette on guests</a>:
[QUOTE]Anyone invited to pre-wedding parties must be invited to the wedding. The only possible exceptions are Church showers and work showers.
Posted by dumdumfroggie[/QUOTE]

This. Whether or not they are financially able to attend one or both events is up to them, but don't make the decision for them by not sending a wedding invite.

Simply Fated

FWIW, I'd rather save up to attend the wedding of someone I was close to rather than attend the bridal shower when I wasn't even invited to the wedding.

daveANDkristen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-hometown-etiquette-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:36cf90bb-9782-4eb5-bdfa-923aebde95b7Post:659cecc2-43ed-4534-a671-43915b240ce8">Re: Bridal Shower in Hometown - etiquette on guests</a>:
[QUOTE]we know they would not be able to afford to travel to the wedding...<strong>I'd love it if they could come, but I know it's not feasible and that seems inconsiderate on my part.</strong>  
Posted by gwynniest[/QUOTE]

Agree with PPs, if they're invited to the shower, they need to be invited to the wedding.  Regarding the bolded part, what is inconsiderate about inviting someone to a wedding?  As at least one PP stated, if they can't come (due to finances, illness, whatever) they won't.  You have nothing to lose by inviting them.  And the reason it looks gift-grabby is because the shower is literally a party to shower you with gifts.  If I was invited to a wedding I would not assume I was invited only for a gift, but if I was only invited to the shower, I definitely would.

mica178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-hometown-etiquette-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:36cf90bb-9782-4eb5-bdfa-923aebde95b7Post:ff33b417-7d17-4dbb-9f16-b3a76a3109f0">Re: Bridal Shower in Hometown - etiquette on guests</a>:
[QUOTE]FWIW, I'd rather save up to attend the wedding of someone I was close to rather than attend the bridal shower when I wasn't even invited to the wedding.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

I agree!

KentuckyKate

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-hometown-etiquette-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:36cf90bb-9782-4eb5-bdfa-923aebde95b7Post:a94e2b36-ba03-4f59-aa8c-ff4d4402dc88">Re: Bridal Shower in Hometown - etiquette on guests</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Shower in Hometown - etiquette on guests : Agree with PPs, if they're invited to the shower, they need to be invited to the wedding.  Regarding the bolded part, what is inconsiderate about inviting someone to a wedding?  As at least one PP stated, if they can't come (due to finances, illness, whatever) they won't.  You have nothing to lose by inviting them.  And the reason it looks gift-grabby is because the shower is literally a party to shower you with gifts.  <strong>If I was invited to a wedding I would not assume I was invited only for a gift, but if I was only invited to the shower, I definitely would.</strong>
Posted by daveANDkristen[/QUOTE]
Exactly.  You've misplaced your logic, OP.