Wedding Etiquette Forum

so....what's the etiquette on talking to friends....

I know general etiquette says "do not talk about wedding-related stuff to people who are not invited."

BUT

I have an acquaintance, who was not invited to my wedding (we really don't talk much, usually), however this acquaintance just got engaged about a month ago.  A lot of our mutual friends said she should talk to me about wedding planning since I'm so close (and have done a TON of research in the area).

All of a sudden, this aquaintance and I are talking quite a bit - and always about wedding planning.

I feel weird talking to her, since she's not invited to my wedding (and it's too late to invite her), but I think it would actually be rude NOT to talk to her....
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Re: so....what's the etiquette on talking to friends....

  • I have similar situation and feel a little weird too, my coworker and I talk about wedding related stuff alot, she gives me tips, vendor suggestions, etc and she's not on our guest list.

    I think it's rude not to answer questions regarding wedding but you shouldn't bring up the conversation yourself in my opinion.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sowhats-ettiquite-talking-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:373c660f-2ad7-43f5-ad4c-d00e3e5ae300Post:dbb6e2d7-b033-4dcc-8c65-0a2ebc52ad38">Re: so....what's the ettiquite on talking to friends....</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would pass on info on the vendor research you did. I wouldn't talk specifics with her about your wedding.
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

    see - this is the problem - she is asking me! "what does your dress look like - here's mine"  "what are you doing for XXX? I'm thinking of doing..."
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  • i agree, just answer the questions she has, pass along info that may be helpful but keep it casual.  that is very nice of you and i'm sure she wouldn't expect an invite to your wedding anymore than you would of hers! 
  • You know what I don't get?
    Why people can't spell 'etiquette' correctly when it's at the top of the page.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sowhats-ettiquite-talking-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:373c660f-2ad7-43f5-ad4c-d00e3e5ae300Post:5a01455b-4eea-4eef-ba0a-ba9d5ecf3588">Re: so....what's the ettiquite on talking to friends....</a>:
    [QUOTE]You know what I don't get? Why people can't spell 'etiquette' correctly when it's at the top of the page.
    Posted by pumpkinpumpkin[/QUOTE]

    ::hangs head in shame::


    Yeah....I need my Mac, built in spell check! :-p
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  • edited July 2010
    At this point, she might know that she is not invited.

    As PP have said, answer her questions and just don't bring the topic up.
    And the whole time, my future husband was in the room...... image image
  • I think that if she's not inviting you, and you're not inviting her, it would be okay, just because there's a mutual understanding of not-inviting but talking about personal plans. I have had people talk to me about their weddings and I knew I wasn't invited, because it was an aquaintence level of friendship.

    I think that the "don't talk wedding stuff" really applies the most if someone is SEEKING an invite and isn't getting one, KWIM?
  • Because only Macs have spell check.

    Oh, wait. TK has a spell check button right down there...

    DOH!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sowhats-ettiquite-talking-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:373c660f-2ad7-43f5-ad4c-d00e3e5ae300Post:caf8e44a-b87a-4591-979a-d02e9e126c89">Re: so....what's the etiquette on talking to friends....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Because only Macs have spell check. Oh, wait. TK has a spell check button right down there... DOH!
    Posted by JessAndTrav[/QUOTE]

    I'm on IE6 @ work - the spell check just freezes up my window.



    Macs have it built in every time you type, so bad spellers like me can be extra lazy! :-D
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sowhats-ettiquite-talking-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:373c660f-2ad7-43f5-ad4c-d00e3e5ae300Post:dd664f4a-8567-46c0-af1f-560a26538113">Re: so....what's the etiquette on talking to friends....</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think that if she's not inviting you, and you're not inviting her, it would be okay, just because there's a mutual understanding of not-inviting but talking about personal plans. I have had people talk to me about their weddings and I knew I wasn't invited, because it was an aquaintence level of friendship. I think that the "don't talk wedding stuff" really applies the most if someone is SEEKING an invite and isn't getting one, KWIM?
    Posted by JessAndTrav[/QUOTE]


    I agree.

    I would actually be surprised if she invited me, so yeah.. :)
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  • I have a friend like this, exactly.  We were friends a long time ago, lost touch, and when I moved to Cincinnati we reconnected, solely based on the fact that she just got engaged to a local boy (she lives OOT).  So, every time we go out with them, she and I inevitably end up talking wedding stuff.  I did not invite this friend to the wedding because we reconnected after our guest list was set.  I'm sure she understands that.

     I doubt your friend expects to be invited to your wedding, since it's so close, so I don't think there's a real problem giving her advice, and talking wedding dress shopping and flowers with her.  It's all part of the experience.   Maybe she will invite you to her wedding, you'll just have to see how your friendship progresses.  I guess its up to you to gauge your friendship and determine if you think she'll be offended more if you talk wedding stuff with her and don't invite her, or stop talking to her about wedding stuff when she really wants your advice. 
  • Look at it this way - the ladies on this board discuss wedding specifics with each other and yet most of us don't have other knotties on our guest lists.

    If she's aware that she's not invited, I'd throw out the, "Oh, I'll be sure to send you a picture of our centerpieces." As long as she's not fishing for an invitation, I can't see this ending in hard feelings, so feel free to answer her questions.
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  • I have a few friends of friends like this, and we're not invited to each others' weddings.  It's nice to be able to talk to someone else who's as wedding focused as you are without feeling like you're boring them.  It's also nice to talk to someone who has no personal feelings about your wedding so you don't have to listen to other people's opinions!
  • I think that because she's initiating these conversations with you and is aware that she's not invited, she won't be offended if you tell her about your wedding details even though she's not invited.  I think the whole "don't talk about the wedding to people you didn't invite" is mostly to avoid hurt feelings and misunderstandings, but I don't think that is an issue in this situation.
  • we all talk about our own weddings all the time and we're rarely invited to each other's weddings. I think if someone else is asking you, it is fine to answer questions. several of my classmates and I were all engaged and planning weddings for the past 12 months. some people were invited to others' weddings, some were not--I was only invited to one wedding, but shared plans with 10 brides. one other girl and I discussed sharing decorations and cutting the cost in half, and neither of us invited the other.

    long story short, I thilnk it's fine as long as the situation is understood.
    image

    Glenna Harding Photography
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sowhats-ettiquite-talking-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:373c660f-2ad7-43f5-ad4c-d00e3e5ae300Post:02b4cfb3-0a56-49dd-9b6e-ad3998864deb">Re: so....what's the etiquette on talking to friends....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: so....what's the etiquette on talking to friends.... : I'm on IE6 @ work - the spell check just freezes up my window. Macs have it built in every time you type, so bad spellers like me can be extra lazy! :-D
    Posted by rbtrumpet[/QUOTE]

    Firefox does this too... IE needs to get with the times!!

    I think it is just fine to talk wedding stuff with her. Honestly, it is really fun to talk wedding stuff with someone who doesn't have a personal involvement in your own but who is as interested as you. I have an acquaintance also getting married and even though neither of us is inviting the other, we talk about wedding stuff all the time - we are quite a lot closer now because of it too. I love it because I never feel guilty spilling all the details to her or talking about it too much.
  • I think it's totally fine to have fun together planning/talking about your weddings- it doesn't mean you're all invited to them. I actually got really close to some knotties IRL when planning my first wedding, and we'd talk wedding stuff all the time, but weren't inviting each other to the weddings. If anyone understands the whole invite list quandry, it's another bride. Don't worry about it! But, don't be surprised if she does invite you to her wedding, and don't feel you have to reciprocate. I actually sang at one bride's wedding, and invited her to mine, but my wedding was when her HM was. Honestly, have fun, go with it, and don't worry about it, I really feel two brides chatting is great- you can get all weddingy without irritating the hell out of your other friends! :)
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