Hypothetical in law question

Nebb

Lets say your inlaws lived 3 hours away in your husbands home town, never visits you(&husband) where you live now, and get all moody about how little you visit them.

If you were invited to a family party at their house, and were greeted when you got there and then not talked to again (by inlaws - mother in law, father in law) for the entire day, and then given a hard time by them when you left because they didnt get enough time to visit with you (despite them making no attempt to visit with you the entire day, even though you/husband made numerous attempts to talk and they walked away to socialize with other family members), would you be inclined to attend future parties of that nature?

btrflykate1230

I'd go one more time, but if the second time around they still ignore you, I might not want to go at all. 3 hours there and 3 hours back is a long way to drive to be ignored.

whitneykaye87

Yes, but I'm a big fat suck up, so I'd give it one more try.

jasmineh7777

I wouldn't go again. My grandparents do the same thing. Always want us to visit, then blow us off. My grandma will even interrupt you, mid-sentence, to change the subject. We just quit trying.

kikibaby

They seem like rude jerks, but I think I'd suck it up and go to keep the family peace. 

swtasa

I wouldn't go again. Granted I like to make any excuse to see my futute ILs because they're kinda crazy, rude and stuck up.

If you like them I'd say go again. If you don't use that as an excuse to bow out

sarabellam

Yeah, I would give them the benefit of the doubt, this time.

Night_Sprite

Are these kinds of parties a regular occurrance or more family reunion-y?

Nebb

Hah I really dont like them, and I could go on for HOURS about why not. My vote is obviously no, as I have no desire to go, but apparently MIL has "put her foot down" and says we have to come. I am trying to convince my husband that if they pull the same crap they did last time, we arent going to one of these parties again.

Nebb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_hypothetical-law-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37c05003-002c-42d5-8dcd-4f3003c77413Post:b70b713b-de51-439f-b9f8-c35651d44639">Re: Hypothetical in law question</a>:
[QUOTE]Are these kinds of parties a regular occurrance or more family reunion-y?
Posted by Night_Sprite[/QUOTE]
Last year it was for their 30th wedding anniversary, this year is his moms 50th birthday. Its not a big fancy party either, just a bbq and cake party at their house/in the backyard.

swtasa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_hypothetical-law-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:37c05003-002c-42d5-8dcd-4f3003c77413Post:df4d61c8-dcb7-4488-b191-29133e16b6cf">Re: Hypothetical in law question</a>:
[QUOTE]Hah I really dont like them, and I could go on for HOURS about why not. My vote is obviously no, as I have no desire to go, but apparently MIL has "put her foot down" and says we have to come. I am trying to convince my husband that if they pull the same crap they did last time, we arent going to one of these parties again.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

"Put her foot down"? Errr... no offense to your husband but did you remind him he's not 10 anymore and what his mother says doesn't necessarily go?  If he wants to go I'd say do it one more time, then tell him you won't do it anymore.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I would, but because I'm a wimp. If it was a friend, I would probably let the friendship die. But parents are different.

I'd leave it up to your H, though, and base it off the relationship he has with them.


Oh, and FYI, my father has never visited me where I live in the 6.5 years I've lived here. He's made it as far as Vegas, where I drove out to meet him. My wedding will be the first time he steps foot in California. I couldn't afford to go home for Christmas two years in a row, either, and twice spent a year and a half not seeing my parents. My mom has made it here twice. She also only visited me in college twice, even though I was 2 hours away. Moral of the story: my parents just really, REALLY hate to travel.

shellydiane820

I probably would just to shut them up.

MISSCOURTNEY20

I woud still go. Aren't there other people there that you get along with and can still have a good time with?? Go, so that they can't bitch about you not coming and just have a good time with the other guests. And when they whine about not spending enough time with them, say well we've been here the whole time. And then throw up 2 fingers and say "See ya next time."

andyandhillary

I would because I'm all about keeping the peace with family and don't want to deal with repercussions.  It's rarely worth it, to me.

jajph1974

Have they done something like this to you before, or was it a one time thing?

That's an awfully long drive and doesn't seem like it's worth it if they're not even going to spend time with you

Nebb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_hypothetical-law-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37c05003-002c-42d5-8dcd-4f3003c77413Post:415d567d-bdd6-410f-a268-701e2d3c9a4a">Re: Hypothetical in law question</a>:
[QUOTE]Have they done something like this to you before, or was it a one time thing? That's an awfully long drive and doesn't seem like it's worth it if they're not even going to spend time with you
Posted by jajph1974[/QUOTE]
They did this to us last year when we went up for their anniversary party. We actually havnt SEEN them since then because they wont come visit us, Im unemployed and they know we hardly have any money but still consider it our responsibility to visit them. His mom has insinuated that im not actually looking for work. .. this is just my dislike for them leaking out, ignore that.

aMrsin09

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_hypothetical-law-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37c05003-002c-42d5-8dcd-4f3003c77413Post:77b3af6e-acb4-4335-b600-c3bc72fbb5f9">Re: Hypothetical in law question</a>:
[QUOTE]I woud still go. Aren't there other people there that you get along with and can still have a good time with?? Go, so that they can't bitch about you not coming and just have a good time with the other guests. And when they whine about not spending enough time with them, say well we've been here the whole time. And then throw up 2 fingers and say "See ya next time."
Posted by MISSCOURTNEY20[/QUOTE]


This.  And, because I do remember some of your stories, I would take it as a blessing they ignored you.  If you go and at least get to see other people, they can't complain.  Well, they can, but other family members will look at them like they have two heads.

MissLeahM

Was there good food and free booze? Then yes, I would go. Even if there wasn't, I'd still go if FI wanted to. If he didn't want to go then nope, I wouldn't go.

You know, 'hypothetically'

Nebb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_hypothetical-law-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37c05003-002c-42d5-8dcd-4f3003c77413Post:6bad04b7-30ea-4086-aef4-b151779d15f9">Re: Hypothetical in law question</a>:
[QUOTE]Was there good food and free booze? Then yes, I would go. Even if there wasn't, I'd still go if FI wanted to. If he didn't want to go then nope, I wouldn't go. You know, 'hypothetically'
Posted by MissLeahM[/QUOTE]
Good question. No booze of any kind, they dont drink. I had to bring my own food last year because all they had was hamburgers and heavy mayo type salads.

MissLeahM

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_hypothetical-law-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:37c05003-002c-42d5-8dcd-4f3003c77413Post:e3331291-bbc3-45af-a400-4e5d45fe8ba2">Re: Hypothetical in law question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Hypothetical in law question : They did this to us last year when we went up for their anniversary party. We actually havnt SEEN them since then because they wont come visit us, Im unemployed and they know we hardly have any money but still consider it our responsibility to visit them. <em>His mom has insinuated that im not actually looking for work. .. this is just my dislike for them leaking out, ignore that.</em>
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

Yea, screw that. I wouldn't go.