How to handle my mother's requests gracefully

lbsteen

I'm wondering if anyone has ideas on how to respond to my mother. She is contributing money towards a good portion of the food at our reception and buying my dress, so she gets a say. 

The most recent situation was she asked about ceremony time because my aunt said she might not be able to make it to the wedding until 6PM and she's wondering if we could make the time later (its a Friday). 6PM totally does not fit with our plans and the venue's recommendations for our wedding day in October in MN. 

I'm completely thrown off when my mom/relatives ask me some of these questions/requests. I find them rude, but have come to learn that is part of planning a wedding. Just looking for advice on how to respond eloquently instead of my "um, ah, well,...I don't know..." when I really want to say "Are you freaking kidding me?!?!?!?"

winelover123

Honestly, it's not a crazy request. Friday evening weddings tend to happen later so people can hopefully work a full day and still attend the wedding. If it is really a problem though, what time does your reception start? If your aunt isn't a VIP, let your mom know that she is more than welcomed at the reception even if she didn't go to the ceremony.

mlg78

Friday weddings shouldn't start before 6pm...at least not if you expect most people to be there.  Unfortunately that's what happens when you choose to save the money with a Friday wedding.  It's something you need to be willing to work with.  Why can't you do a 6pm ceremony with a 6:30 or 7 reception (depending on where it is?)

STARMOON44

Really the venue's reccomendations shouldn't be a factor.  Consider your guests, and what will make it easiest for them to attend.  Unless you're trying to get this wedding done before sundown (in which case I assume your guests will understand) you should move it later.

MuppetOverlord

I would favor a 6:00 wedding personally.

Consider that most of the people will work that day. Some people can't leave early or take a day off. Add commuting traffic.  Many are going to have to regroup with their SOs or family, others have to get their kids situated with a sitter...

AddieCake

1. 6 actually WOULD be better for most people, I imagine. 2.I would suggest maybe replying, "Let me think on it and get back to you" and then change the subject. Gives you time to form a response.

MuppetOverlord

 "Let me think on it and get back to you" and then change the subject. Gives you time to form a response"

---I can't tell you how useful that advice is in every day life. Everytime I deal with a crazy request from a client or even from a coworker or the president of my company .... it sounds way better and gets a lot more mileage to say you're thinking about it rather than no off the bat.

mrsjmwolfe

My cousin had a wedding on a Friday at 4 pm. It was ridiculous. I would consider your aunt's request.

As for responding, I would do what PPs said. Sometimes with my FMIL I say "Thank you for your suggestion! Let me run that by [my mom/FI/my family/etc.] and I'll get back to you!"

Good luck.

Knottie_22382251

Of course 6pm on a Friday would be better for most people, but if it doesn't work for you for whatever reason, and you can accept that some people won't be able to make it or will show up late because of the time, then do what you need to do. My advice for planning your wedding (and the advice my mom gave me for mine) is to take people's advice into consideration, but in the end, do what you want. It is impossible to try to please everyone, and you will be miserable trying to accomodate everyone. You will be surprised how much people will go along with your decisions once you make them. I had my wedding three days before Christmas and a number of people questioned why we did it so close. We had our reasons and it was what worked best for us, and people who thought being there was mportant to them, worked around it.

Everyone likes to give their advice about how the day should go. Your mom may not necessarily expect you to honor every single request. So just politely explain why you made the decision you did, and leave it at that. Just my two cents...

lbsteen

Thank you all for your advice! Much appreciated. I didn't explain but our wedding is 1 to 3 hours away from most of our guests. We only picked a Friday because it was the only day available at our venue of choice (a winery) when we booked it last fall. Obviously not ideal, but we went with it because we wanted a winery wedding. So I am assuming those working Mon-Fri jobs who want to be there will make whatever work. I just don't think pushing it back to 6 will make it much easier for people to get there after working a full day of work and traveling. We have to have a cocktail hour after the ceremony (in case of bad weather we will have the ceremony/reception in the same location and they need time to change up the space). So a 6:00 wedding would put dinner around 8, and dance probably wouldn't start until after 9:30 realistically and we have to be off grounds by 11:30.