Wedding Etiquette Forum

Guests For Some, But Not For Others?

My niece is having her wedding this fall and she's allowed her single buddies to bring casual dates, but not some of her cousins. I find this appallingly rude and I'm beginning to feel like the only reason we were invited was because we're fairly wealthy (relatively speaking) and are known to give generous gifts for graduations, weddings, baby showers, etc. 

However, we have spent close to $10K on transportation & hotels, gifts, and miscellaneous costs on this same family for another wedding & baby shower/christening within the past year alone. We are incredibly insulted that our adult children, both in serious relationships, are not allowed to bring a guest to this latest wedding, all so the bride and groom can have more of their buddies and friends to party with. 

My husband (it's his brother's daughter) says we have to go, mostly for his parents' sake (they're quite elderly and will not be with us for long). He says our adult children should go, too, but they're both adamantly refusing (they're adults, after all, and it's certainly their choice). 

I say, screw 'em if they're that rude. Enough is enough. It's expensive enough to fly from the west coast to New York, and then to pay for a hotel for two nights, rent a car, and write a big fat check to the bride and groom (who've been shacking up for a couple of years anyway). No reason to do it for a bride and groom who obviously just want to have a big drunken party for their buddies paid for by relatives they clearly don't give a darn about. 

Isn't it rude as all heck for the bride & groom to treat their relatives like second class guests or, worse, spectators at their wedding? What are my kids supposed to do? Stand around and watch everyone else have fun and dance and enjoy the night while they have no one to talk to or dance with?
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Re: Guests For Some, But Not For Others?

  • Your children should have received an invitation for their SO.  Did your BIL specifically say that they could not be allowed?  Perhaps they don't know your children are in relationships since you are on opposite coasts?

    If I were you, I would decline the invitation to the wedding and fly out to see your ILs for Thanksgiving.  You do not need to attend the wedding if you are so put off by the invitation.  It's an invitation, not a subpoena.
  • If your husband wants to go, I would suck it up and go with him since it's his family, but tell him that your kids can decide for themselves whether or not they will go (and I would not expect them to go without their SOs).  If you don't feel comfortable giving them a large cash gift, then don't--give them something more modest.
  • How did you find out that the couple's friends got random dates?
  • Um wow this is rather judgmental "who've been shacking up for a couple of years anyway"

    If you don't want to go then don't go. It is perfectly likely that the bride and groom don't know your "adult" children were in serious relationships. And even if they did, it's not your wedding so you don't get to decide who is invited. It may be that they have actually met their friend's "casual" plus one and consider them a friend as well.

    And really who are you to judge whether your children's relationships are more serious then the allegedly "casual" ones? This post makes me sick. You have no idea what their budget or venue constraints are...

    And the very nature of being a guest is that you are a "spectators at their wedding". Again, not your day, get over it.
  • Because my stupid niece told us at the last family event we spent thousands of dollars on. She went on and on and on about her HUGE guest list and how they just have SO many friends and their guests and it's going to be so big and lavish, blahblahblah...she couldn't shut up about it for five minutes. 

    And then we get the invitations (late, btw -- a "save the date" card is not a replacement for not getting your invitations out in a timely manner) and there are no guests for my kids or the other adult cousins. Everyone is furious. It would be one thing if she was having a modest wedding, but when your guest list is 300, you have no excuses other than you wanted more room for your friends and their pals. 
  • Your children in relationships should have been invited with their SO's. To exclude them was rude on the bg's part. An invitation is not a subpoena, so you don't HAVE to go, but it sounds like your husband wants to and it's "his" family so I'd suck it up and go with him. I do not think it's your place to force your grown children to attend. Let them make up their own minds. If I was your child I might play the passive/aggressive card, especially since it doesn't sound like your families are all that close, and contact the bride or groom "hey cousin, before I send the RSVP card back I just wanted to confirm that SO Joe is included in the invitation. It wasn't clear" or something. But as your kids are adults I'd let them handle their own communication and not put yourself in the middle of it.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-for-some-but-not-for-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:37ff3821-d51e-4cf2-be05-a0ffa5069fc7Post:79eade81-902f-4244-8936-a2a7be60f468">Guests For Some, But Not For Others?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My niece is having her wedding this fall and she's allowed her single buddies to bring casual dates, but not some of her cousins. I find this appallingly rude and I'm beginning to feel like the only reason we were invited was because we're fairly wealthy (relatively speaking) and are known to give generous gifts for graduations, weddings, baby showers, etc.  However, we have spent close to $10K on transportation & hotels, gifts, and miscellaneous costs on this same family for another wedding & baby shower/christening within the past year alone. We are incredibly insulted that our adult children, both in serious relationships, are not allowed to bring a guest to this latest wedding, all so the bride and groom can have more of their buddies and friends to party with.  My husband (it's his brother's daughter) says we have to go, mostly for his parents' sake (they're quite elderly and will not be with us for long). He says our adult children should go, too, but they're both adamantly refusing (they're adults, after all, and it's certainly their choice).  I say, screw 'em if they're that rude. Enough is enough. It's expensive enough to fly from the west coast to New York, and then to pay for a hotel for two nights, rent a car, and write a big fat check to the bride and groom <strong>(who've been shacking up for a couple of years anyway)</strong>. No reason to do it for a bride and groom who obviously just want to have a big drunken party for their buddies paid for by relatives they clearly don't give a darn about.  Isn't it rude as all heck for the bride & groom to treat their relatives like second class guests or, worse, spectators at their wedding? What are my kids supposed to do? <strong>Stand around and watch everyone else have fun and dance and enjoy the night while they have no one to talk to or dance with?
    </strong>Posted by Nina60[/QUOTE]

    Yes, it was rude of the bride and groom to not include your childrens significant others on the invitations.  However, this is the only etiquette rule broken in your entire thread.  Are the bride and groom allowed to give +1's to any single guest they would like?  Yes.

    I do however think your statement (the first bolded part of your post) regarding their living situation is in itself rude.  How dare you criticize how they live and that you feel that you still have to give them a large gift even though they are "living in sin".  A gift is voluntary and should not be based on the bride and grooms living situation.  It should be based on your financial situation and what you deem the most appropriate gift for the couple.  You can always choose to not give a gift but your statement is highly offensive to those of us who lived with our H's before we got married.

    The last bolded part is just utterly ridiculous.  They can't have fun without their SOs?  They won't know anyone else at all that they could talk to?  No other family members?  I am not saying what the bride and groom did was right because I have already said it isn't but to basically say that your children are going to be bored and not have any fun because their SO's were not invited is a bit crazy.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-for-some-but-not-for-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:37ff3821-d51e-4cf2-be05-a0ffa5069fc7Post:7fd25850-0d93-4cb9-bd9e-47529b9f961d">Re: Guests For Some, But Not For Others?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Because <strong>my stupid niece</strong> told us at the last family event we spent thousands of dollars on. She went on and on and on about her HUGE guest list and how they just have SO many friends and their guests and it's going to be so big and lavish, blahblahblah...she couldn't shut up about it for five minutes.  And then we get the invitations (late, btw -- a "save the date" card is not a replacement for not getting your invitations out in a timely manner) and there are no guests for my kids or the other adult cousins. Everyone is furious. It would be one thing if she was having a modest wedding, but when your guest list is 300, you have no excuses other than you wanted more room for your friends and their pals. 
    Posted by Nina60[/QUOTE]

    Um, wow!  You sound like such a loving Aunt. (please read with sarcasm)

  • Uh, and yes, they are aware of my kids' serious relationships. My kids live there and their SOs have been to a few family events already. 

    Oh, I agree -- I think we should stay home and we should write the bare minimum gift check. I do sympathize with my husband, though, and the fact his parents are in their 90s and not well. If we go, it's strictly for them. 

    It used to be a wedding was a family event first, not an excuse for a bunch of thirtysomethings who've already been living as if they were married to throw their own reality show. I'm sick to death of  the" it's their day, so shut up, show up and pay up" attitude. If they don't want us there, or if it's all about them, then they shouldn't invite us or our kids. 
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited September 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-for-some-but-not-for-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:37ff3821-d51e-4cf2-be05-a0ffa5069fc7Post:7fd25850-0d93-4cb9-bd9e-47529b9f961d">Re: Guests For Some, But Not For Others?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Because <strong>my stupid niece</strong> told us at the last family event we spent thousands of dollars on. She went on and on and on about her HUGE guest list and how they just have SO many friends and their guests and it's going to be so big and lavish, blahblahblah...she couldn't shut up about it for five minutes.  And then we get the invitations (late, btw -- a "save the date" card is not a replacement for not getting your invitations out in a timely manner) and there are no guests for my kids or the other adult cousins. Everyone is furious. It would be one thing if she was having a modest wedding, but when your guest list is 300, you have no excuses other than you wanted more room for your friends and their pals. 
    Posted by Nina60[/QUOTE]

    Wow, well aren't you a loving and caring Aunt (please read with a high dose of sarcasm).

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-for-some-but-not-for-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:37ff3821-d51e-4cf2-be05-a0ffa5069fc7Post:bc3626ab-be3b-47f1-b163-4cbef2c19e69">Re: Guests For Some, But Not For Others?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Um wow this is rather judgmental "who've been shacking up for a couple of years anyway" If you don't want to go then don't go. It is perfectly likely that the bride and groom don't know your "adult" children were in serious relationships.
    <strong>And even if they did, it's not your wedding so you don't get to decide who is invited. It may be that they have actually met their friend's "casual" plus one and consider them a friend as well. And really who are you to judge whether your children's relationships are more serious then the allegedly "casual" ones?
    </strong>This post makes me sick. You have no idea what their budget or venue constraints are... And the very nature of being a guest is that you are a "spectators at their wedding". Again, not your day, get over it.
    Posted by KLS123[/QUOTE]

    To the bolded above, anyone in a relationship should be invited together.  It is rude to split up couples.  So just because a B&G has control over their guest list, doesn't make it ok to not invite SO.  And who is the B&G to judge how serious anyone's relationship is?  They are being just as judgey as the OP in your thinking.

    OP - you sound very angry over the whole invitation.  I would not attend if this wedding is making you so angry.  And if you do attend for the sake of your husband and his family's harmony, I certainly would not be giving a huge gift - maybe get them a nice monogrammed toaster.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-for-some-but-not-for-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:37ff3821-d51e-4cf2-be05-a0ffa5069fc7Post:1c46aa27-5f37-4fca-979f-9829a0fd6fb0">Re: Guests For Some, But Not For Others?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Uh, and yes, they are aware of my kids' serious relationships. My kids live there and their SOs have been to a few family events already.  Oh, I agree -- I think we should stay home and we should write the bare minimum gift check. I do sympathize with my husband, though, and the fact his parents are in their 90s and not well. If we go, it's strictly for them.  It used to be a wedding was a family event first, not an excuse for a bunch of thirtysomethings who've already been living as if they were married to throw their own reality show.<strong> I'm sick to death of  the" it's their day, so shut up, show up and pay up" attitude</strong>. If they don't want us there, or if it's all about them, then they shouldn't invite us or our kids. 
    Posted by Nina60[/QUOTE]

    No one said you had to show up or pay up. You just need to shut up because you are saying highly offensive things, you clearly don't care about the bride or groom or their feelings by the comments you have made so why do you expect them to care about yours? Go see you relatives another time. Stop complaining online and get an attitude check. If any of my relatives spoke about me the way you are speaking about your niece I would be extremely appalled and uninvite them immediately.
  • Yeah, I'm as "loving and caring" as she's shown herself to be. What goes around comes around. If she hadn't usurped the entire event blabbing about her fantabulous, HUUUUGE wedding, then no one would know until they got there that they'd been treated so poorly while her friends were given preference over their own family. That IS stupid. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-for-some-but-not-for-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:37ff3821-d51e-4cf2-be05-a0ffa5069fc7Post:1c46aa27-5f37-4fca-979f-9829a0fd6fb0">Re: Guests For Some, But Not For Others?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Uh, and yes, they are aware of my kids' serious relationships. My kids live there and their SOs have been to a few family events already.  Oh, I agree -- I think we should stay home and we should write the bare minimum gift check. I do sympathize with my husband, though, and the fact his parents are in their 90s and not well. If we go, it's strictly for them.  It used to be a wedding was a family event first, <strong>not an excuse for a bunch of thirtysomethings who've already been living as if they were married to throw their own reality show</strong>. I'm sick to death of  the" it's their day, so shut up, show up and pay up" attitude. If they don't want us there, or if it's all about them, then they shouldn't invite us or our kids. 
    Posted by Nina60[/QUOTE]

    I'm sorry, but DH and I lived together for a year before our wedding... and our wedding was still a family event (AND a party).

    You're seriously overreacting. Was it rude for them to not include your children's SOs? Absolutely. Call and ask (or have your children or your husband) call and ask if they are invited. Perhaps they assumed your children would know their SO's are invited? Again, not okay by etiquette, but it is what it is.

    Gifts aren't mandatory. Don't give one if you feel that is the only reason your were invited. But stop being so damn judgemental. I, for one, am glad DH and I got out all of the problems caused when first moving in together PRIOR to our wedding so we already knew it would work.
  • kaos16kaos16 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    edited September 2012
    Ok, we get it . . . . . .you have a lot of money.  How much you spend to get to this wedding, or any other family function has nothing to do with anything.  Nor does the size of the check you'd be writing, as you can give as much or as little of a gift as you feel comfortable with.

    That being settled, your adult children should probably be responsible for getting themselves to the wedding if they choose to attend it.  Your adult children are also likely fully capable of calling this relative and inquiring as to whether their SO was left off the invitation before RSVPing.  Your adult children can they decide if they want to attend.

    I think you are causing yourself way to much stress and anger over something that really is not a big deal at all.  Go, or don't go. . . . .  she will still get married.  Give a gift, or don't. . . . .she will still get married.  Be judgy about her "living in sin" if you want. . . . she will still get married.
  • OP, you are one angry person.

    If you don't like how they are treating you or your kids and you don't like how they are planning their event then don't go and don't give a gift.  You aren't required to do anything so just stop complaining and check the little box on the RSVP card that sends your regrets, and move on with your life.


  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-for-some-but-not-for-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:37ff3821-d51e-4cf2-be05-a0ffa5069fc7Post:8702c20a-4f74-4653-8dea-eed0c7101722">Re: Guests For Some, But Not For Others?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Yeah, I'm as "loving and caring" as she's shown herself to be.</strong> What goes around comes around. If she hadn't usurped the entire event blabbing about her fantabulous, HUUUUGE wedding, then no one would know until they got there that they'd been treated so poorly while her friends were given preference over their own family. That IS stupid. 
    Posted by Nina60[/QUOTE]

    You haven't given us much about the background on your relationship with your niece or the family dynamics, but I just have to comment on the bolded.  Throughout your relationship with her, you were the adult and you had the responsibility to demonstrate good behavior.  If you never made an effort to have a good relationship with her throughout her childhood, you don't get to now say, "she's not trying, so why should I."
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-for-some-but-not-for-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37ff3821-d51e-4cf2-be05-a0ffa5069fc7Post:cbc0c63c-dc68-4176-9fc6-3db060d982ec">Re: Guests For Some, But Not For Others?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guests For Some, But Not For Others? : I'm sorry, but DH and I lived together for a year before our wedding... and our wedding was still a family event (AND a party). You're seriously overreacting. Was it rude for them to not include your children's SOs? Absolutely. Call and ask (or have your children or your husband) call and ask if they are invited. Perhaps they assumed your children would know their SO's are invited? Again, not okay by etiquette, but it is what it is. Gifts aren't mandatory. Don't give one if you feel that is the only reason your were invited. But stop being so damn judgemental. I, for one, am glad DH and I got out all of the problems caused when first moving in together PRIOR to our wedding so we already knew it would work.
    Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]

    <div>Off topic, but if you thought living together would give your marriage a better chance, you're wrong. Statistically, people who lived together before marriage have a higher divorce rate than those who didn't. Just sayin'. </div><div>
    </div><div>You brides are something else these days. No wonder most of your marriages fail. Ta!</div>
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-for-some-but-not-for-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:37ff3821-d51e-4cf2-be05-a0ffa5069fc7Post:1c46aa27-5f37-4fca-979f-9829a0fd6fb0">Re: Guests For Some, But Not For Others?</a>:
    [QUOTE]It used to be a wedding was a family event first, not an excuse for a bunch of <strong>thirtysomethings who've already been living as if they were married to throw their own reality show</strong>. I'm sick to death of  the" it's their day, so shut up, show up and pay up" attitude. If they don't want us there, or if it's all about them, then they shouldn't invite us or our kids. 
    Posted by Nina60[/QUOTE]
    Excuse me?!? It's still a wedding. They're still getting married. My god, you are so judgmental. They aren't having a pretend wedding. They are <u>getting married</u>. Whether or not they live together has nothing to do with it. My FI and I have been living together for two years, but the court is still issuing us a marriage certificate.

    If you're so upset about this, don't go. That's all there is to it. An invitation is not a subpoena. If your husband is adamant about going, go, but that doesn't mean you have to give them a gift.

    I wonder if your niece knows how you feel about her. I bet she wouldn't have invited you if she knew you were calling her stupid and judging her living situation so harshly.

    She should have invited their SOs, especially since she knew about them. I agree that was rude. I lost all sympathy when I read the rest of your posts, though. I hope your children didn't inherit your attitude.
  • Maybe she purposely excluded your kids' SO's because she knew you would be offended and not come :-) :-)
  • jlm9113jlm9113 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited September 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-for-some-but-not-for-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37ff3821-d51e-4cf2-be05-a0ffa5069fc7Post:7fd25850-0d93-4cb9-bd9e-47529b9f961d">Re: Guests For Some, But Not For Others?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Because my stupid niece told us at the last family event we spent thousands of dollars on. She went on and on and on about her HUGE guest list and how they just have SO many friends and their guests and it's going to be so big and lavish, blahblahblah...she couldn't shut up about it for five minutes.  And then we get the invitations (late, btw -- a "save the date" card is not a replacement for not getting your invitations out in a timely manner) and there are no guests for my kids or the other adult cousins. Everyone is furious. It would be one thing if she was having a modest wedding, but when your guest list is 300, you have no excuses other than you wanted more room for your friends and their pals. 
    Posted by Nina60[/QUOTE]

    Wow.  You're a gem.  I wish you were my aunt.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to Re:Guests For Some, But Not For Others?:[QUOTE]Your adult children can they decide if they want to attend.I think you are causing yourself way to much stress and anger over something that really is not a big deal at all.nbsp; Go, or don't go. . . . . nbsp;she will still get married.nbsp; Give a gift, or don't. . . . .she will still get married.nbsp; Be judgy about her "living in sin" if you want. . . . she will still get married. Posted by kaos16[/QUOTE]

    I can't bold on my phone but I live this part of your response.
  • Is there going to be a wet tshirt contest at this "reality show" of an event? Cause that might be worth the "thousands of dollars" it will cost you to attend.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-for-some-but-not-for-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37ff3821-d51e-4cf2-be05-a0ffa5069fc7Post:c64a4ac7-a941-4ee1-865e-ed225815ac9f">Re:Guests For Some, But Not For Others?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is there going to be a wet tshirt contest at this "reality show" of an event? Cause that might be worth the "thousands of dollars" it will cost you to attend.
    Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]

    <div>It wouldn't surprise me in the least...</div><div>
    </div><div>And it does cost thousands to fly coast to coast, to rent cars, to reserve hotel rooms -- oh, yeah -- she reserved a block of hotel rooms for her local friends so they could drink themselves retarded and not have to drive home, but we are on our own, so it costs us nearly twice as much to stay than it does people who live less than five miles from the wedding site -- etc. </div><div>
    </div><div>If I wasn't already aware of the rudeness of the average grasping, narcissistic bride, this thread sure showed me. No wonder so many of my friends say they no longer attend -- they know they're not wanted, it's just gifts the bride and groom are after. </div><div>
    </div><div>Nice world you've carved out for yourselves. </div><div>
    </div><div>For the record, your marriage is less likely to last if you've been living together beforehand. Just sayin'.  The reality is that more than half of you will be divorced anyway, and sooner rather than later. What a waste of time and money. </div><div>
    </div><div>I will decline and send a donation in their name to a charity. No reason to fund this thing, or to fund the inevitable divorce. Whatevs. Ta!</div>
  • Agree with PPs.  It was wrong of the bride & groom not to extend invitations to legitimate SOs, but that shouldn't be the cause of so much drama.  I understand your feelings are hurt, but mistakes and oversights happen.  I accidently neglected to include two cousins' SOs - they both started relationships in the couple of weeks between getting guests lists and sending invitations.  NBD, I apologized and the SOs both came.  End of story - no one got upset or cranky and everyone had a nice time.

    Your children, if they want to attend, should call their cousin and give her the opportunity to correct the invitation.  If they don't want to attend or make the call, they should RSVP no.  You get to do something similar, decide you will attend in good faith and enjoy the time with family or decline (no need to send a gift) because you dislike how your family was treated.  It's not that hard.

    Please stop judging the couple for when they decided to get married.  DH and I were together for 5 years before we got married, owned our own home, and lived as a married couple in many ways.  Every couple needs to make decisions about their relationship in their own time and space.
    image
    Anniversary


  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-for-some-but-not-for-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:37ff3821-d51e-4cf2-be05-a0ffa5069fc7Post:8780ae8d-4090-4532-80f8-aaa956687ee9">Re:Guests For Some, But Not For Others?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Guests For Some, But Not For Others? : It wouldn't surprise me in the least... And it does cost thousands to fly coast to coast, to rent cars, to reserve hotel rooms -- oh, yeah -- she reserved a block of hotel rooms for her local friends so they could drink themselves retarded and not have to drive home, but we are on our own, so it costs us nearly twice as much to stay than it does people who live less than five miles from the wedding site -- etc.  <strong>If I wasn't already aware of the rudeness of the average grasping, narcissistic bride, this thread sure showed me.</strong> No wonder so many of my friends say they no longer attend -- they know they're not wanted, it's just gifts the bride and groom are after.  Nice world you've carved out for yourselves.  For the record, your marriage is less likely to last if you've been living together beforehand. Just sayin'.  The reality is that more than half of you will be divorced anyway, and sooner rather than later. What a waste of time and money.  I will decline and send a donation in their name to a charity. No reason to fund this thing, or to fund the inevitable divorce. Whatevs. Ta!
    Posted by Nina60[/QUOTE]

    Whoa Nelly. I was with you until this diatribe. Everyone on this post agreed your niece has been rude. Some have even given you ideas on how to handle (i.e. have your children call and ask to bring their SOs, etc.). Everyone else has agreed with you but said you just sorta have to get over it. Which is true.

    But, hey, thanks for calling every bride narcissitic and knocking many of their lifestyle choices. The whole "most people who live together before getting married end in divorce" is an old study that really doesn't hold true anymore.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-for-some-but-not-for-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:37ff3821-d51e-4cf2-be05-a0ffa5069fc7Post:8780ae8d-4090-4532-80f8-aaa956687ee9">Re:Guests For Some, But Not For Others?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Guests For Some, But Not For Others? : It wouldn't surprise me in the least... And it does cost thousands to fly coast to coast, to rent cars, to reserve hotel rooms -- oh, yeah -- she reserved a block of hotel rooms for her local friends so they could drink themselves retarded and not have to drive home, but we are on our own, so it costs us nearly twice as much to stay than it does people who live less than five miles from the wedding site -- etc.  If I wasn't already aware of the rudeness of the average grasping, narcissistic bride, this thread sure showed me. No wonder so many of my friends say they no longer attend -- they know they're not wanted, it's just gifts the bride and groom are after.  Nice world you've carved out for yourselves.  For the record, your marriage is less likely to last if you've been living together beforehand. Just sayin'.  The reality is that more than half of you will be divorced anyway, and sooner rather than later. What a waste of time and money.  I will decline and send a donation in their name to a charity. No reason to fund this thing, or to fund the inevitable divorce. Whatevs. Ta!
    Posted by Nina60[/QUOTE]

    You think your niece might not want you to attend?  I really can't imagine why.
  • My niece is the 12 year old brat who, at Christmas, said -- and I quote VERBATIM -- "hey lady, why didn't you give me a better gift?". 

    Her mother is as bitchy and rude as she is. 

    I am not the only one complaining about this bride's selfishness. My other inlaws are equally as angry. Their adult children were invited alone, too. At this niece's brother's wedding we were all seated at a table next to the kitchen door while his friends and their dates were all seated near the family. The groom and his wife never even greeted us personally. We were told there was a dropbox for cards with money, thanks, and that's it. 

    There's a history here, believe me. Yes, we know we were invited for the gift. As I said, the only compelling reason to go is for the sake of my husband's parents. 

    I guess I'm old fashioned. I guess it used to be nice when young people didn't sleep around and when weddings were genuine celebrations of a new life as married people, not a gift-grabbing, materialisitc show. 

    I get it -- the bride and groom are allowed to do whatever THEY want because it's THEIR day and no one is allowed to criticize ever. 

    Guess what? There are plenty of people of my generation who are talking behind the scenes, and fewer and fewer of us are going to these weddings. We're also no longer giving the gifts we might have given if we'd felt truly welcome and wanted. 

    I'm taking the advice a friend of my generation gave me -- decline, send a large charity donation in their name to our favorite charity, and have the charity send a card to them informing them of such. Win-win. 


  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-for-some-but-not-for-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:37ff3821-d51e-4cf2-be05-a0ffa5069fc7Post:5ff81a21-94b8-4b48-9a2e-9fcf0b7c063b">Re: Guests For Some, But Not For Others?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My niece is the 12 year old brat who, at Christmas, said -- and I quote VERBATIM -- "hey lady, why didn't you give me a better gift?".  Her mother is as bitchy and rude as she is.  I am not the only one complaining about this bride's selfishness. My other inlaws are equally as angry. Their adult children were invited alone, too. At this niece's brother's wedding we were all seated at a table next to the kitchen door while his friends and their dates were all seated near the family. The groom and his wife never even greeted us personally. We were told there was a dropbox for cards with money, thanks, and that's it.  There's a history here, believe me. Yes, we know we were invited for the gift. As I said, the only compelling reason to go is for the sake of my husband's parents.  I guess I'm old fashioned.<strong> I guess it used to be nice when young people didn't sleep around and when weddings were genuine celebrations of a new life as married people, not a gift-grabbing, materialisitc show. </strong> <strong>I get it -- the bride and groom are allowed to do whatever THEY want because it's THEIR day and no one is allowed to criticize ever.</strong>  Guess what? There are plenty of people of my generation who are talking behind the scenes, and fewer and fewer of us are going to these weddings. We're also no longer giving the gifts we might have given if we'd felt truly welcome and wanted.  I'm taking the advice a friend of my generation gave me -- decline, send a large charity donation in their name to our favorite charity, and have the charity send a card to them informing them of such. Win-win. 
    Posted by Nina60[/QUOTE]

    I just can't take you seriously.

    This has to be mud.
  • edited September 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-for-some-but-not-for-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:37ff3821-d51e-4cf2-be05-a0ffa5069fc7Post:8780ae8d-4090-4532-80f8-aaa956687ee9">Re:Guests For Some, But Not For Others?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Guests For Some, But Not For Others? : It wouldn't surprise me in the least... And it does cost thousands to fly coast to coast, to rent cars, to reserve hotel rooms -- oh, yeah -- she reserved a block of hotel rooms for her local friends so they could drink themselves retarded and not have to drive home, but we are on our own, so it costs us nearly twice as much to stay than it does people who live less than five miles from the wedding site -- etc.  If I wasn't already aware of the rudeness of the average grasping, narcissistic bride, this thread sure showed me. No wonder so many of my friends say they no longer attend -- they know they're not wanted, it's just gifts the bride and groom are after.  Nice world you've carved out for yourselves. <strong><u> For the record, your marriage is less likely to last if you've been living together beforehand. Just sayin'.  The reality is that more than half of you will be divorced anyway, and sooner rather than later.</u></strong> What a waste of time and money.  I will decline and send a donation in their name to a charity. No reason to fund this thing, or to fund the inevitable divorce. Whatevs. Ta!
    Posted by Nina60[/QUOTE]

    Wow who are you to judge others. who are you to say half of us will be divorced? I was with you about everyone not getting there SOs invited but now lady you just insulted me and half the engaged couples today. So what if I'm 31 and FI is 32 and we decided to buy a house before the wedding. It is not for you or any other judgemental snob to judge us or anyone.
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