Wedding Etiquette Forum

Avoiding a sticky guest situation

I have a sticky situation that I'm not sure how to handle. I don't want to leave anyone out but I also feel like I owe these few guests a 'heads-up' on this possible issue. Read on -

My first two years of college, I lived with a pretty good friend who started dating one of our other pretty good friends. The relationship was rocky at best for almost 2 years. I transferred to a different college and soon after I left, my former roommate and her boyfriend broke up in a very heated fashion (cops were called on several occasions and eventually a restraining order was filed against her, expired now). Out of the about 10 people in that group of friends (girls and guys), every single one of them blames this girl for the problems she caused. That was about 6 years ago.

Fast forward to today. She's married to a great guy and has straightened up considerably. We aren't near as close as we used to be but I still consider her a friend. However, I'm still very close with the rest of the group, including the former boyfriend who is now dating one of my family members. See where I'm going with this?

The entire group is going to be there. I feel like I should almost forwarn (sp?) this girl that the rest of them, including the BF, will be there. I want her to be there but I don't want any of them thinking that I hid the fact that they will all be present. I also don't want cops at my wedding lol. Should I drop them all a line and tell them that everyone will be there or just stay out of it?

Re: Avoiding a sticky guest situation

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    I think you could casually mention it in conversation- "Oh, we're so glad you're coming!  It'll be the whole gang together again- you and me and Suzy and Sally and Fred and old-BF and Tom...." and so on and so forth.  Don't assume the whole thing is still as crazy as it once was; people grow up.
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    Is she aware that you're still friends with the others? If so, she may very assume that they'll be there.

    If it's a matter of just mentioning to HER that they will be there, I would do it. Just give her a casual FYI next time you see her. (If you don't ever see her in person..... do you really have to invite her?)

    I wouldn't mention anything to the rest of the group though, unless THEY ask or bring it up. If you bring it up to them, it might come across as asking their PERMISSION to invite her, which you certainly don't need. It will also give them something to gossip about leading up to the wedding. Hopefully your friends are all adults and can act civil at your wedding.
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    Do you honestly think any of them will care since it's been 6 years?  That's a long time.  A lot of maturation happens after college. If you really think they will be bothered, then mention it casually.  
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    I thnk you are WAY overthinking this.  It's been six years.  As long as she has gotten the nutso out of her system and will act like a proper adult, I don't think it will be an issue.  People move on.   I sincerely doubt people are sitting there going "omg what if your exgirlfriend from over half a decade ago is there and you have to say hello to her??!!"


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    Do your friends know that you are still friends with her?  If yes, then they probably figure she might be invited.  Does she know that you are still friends with them?  If yes, then she'll know they are invited.  Just don't make a big deal about it.  If they ask if she's coming, be honest.  If she asks if they'll be there, be honest.  That's all you can do.
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    There's still some animosity there between her and the rest of the group. I don't think the others, including the ex-BF, really care one way or the other if she shows up and she knows I talk to the rest of them on a regular basis. I'll give her a casual heads up that way she can't say she had no idea.

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