HELP!!!

juliepellegrin

So my mother and father cannot decide if they are going to pay for my wedding.  One week it is of course we are going to pay and then the next week it is if you don't straighten up your act we are not paying.  They are mad at me for sleeping at my fiances house every once in a while.  My parents are devout catholics but they say it is ok for him to sleep and my house but i can't go sleep at his???!?!?!?!?! How do I diffuse this situation and what if my mom and dad decide they are not going to pay (which i know that when it gets closer they are going to back out and leave me holding the bag like they always do). Do I start planning my dream wedding or the one I know I can afford???

Kati0105

Do I start planning my dream wedding or the one I know I can afford???

I am 99% sure you aren't real, but just in case... umm, durr, the one you can afford.

FutureMrsDudley55

Oh jeez..

mmdpm

Plan one YOU can afford.  The money is not yours until it's in your account.

laurenclaire1386

Plan the wedding you can afford. Don't count on money til it's residing in a bank account that is yours. Money=power and the ability to hold stuff over your head.

sarah0725

The one you can afford, obviously. If you take their money, you have to abide by their rules.

And how old are you? If my parents told me to "straighten up my act", I would laugh and laugh and laugh, then laugh some more.

redheadfsu

Plan the one you two can afford- I'm sure if you fix this current problem different ones will pop up later. Your post makes it sound like you know that this is the best choice.

ExpatPumpkin

Well...  It sounds like your parents don't really approve of your relationship and/or your behavior.  And they're using the wedding to try to influence you.  

So you have two options:

1 - Play by their rules, and they'll probably pay for your wedding.

2 - Do what you want, and pay for your own wedding.

SarahPLiz

Always plan the one you can afford. Don't count on any money until its in your bank account.

And how old are you that your parents are still playing discipline mind games with you. And stop telling them when you sleep there, as its none of their business.... unless you are still living at home. Assert your independance and pay for your own stuff. Oh, and move out.

danieliza1127

Tell them thanks but no thanks and plan the wedding you and your FI can afford. 

And stop with the excessive punctuation.

FutureMrsTR

Definitely plan the one you can afford.  Then anything they contribute is a bonus.  And even if they say they're going to contribute, don't count on it until it's in your hands.

Ditto Sarah that if my mom told me to straighten up my act I'd laugh my ass off.

lpstl

Hmm, tough one. I say you go ahead and plan your dream wedding. Now, if your parents try to pull out the rug from underneath you right before the big day, just threaten to turn tricks to pay for the wedding. That'll get them back on track right quick!

britne28

Until you cash a check you are paying for your own wedding. 

Um, you need to move out.  If the answer is you can't afford to, then how will you afford to live with your husband when you are married? 

SarahPLiz

And just a helpful hint:
I know there are a lot of Pellegrins in the NOLA area, but it might not be smart to have your real first and last name as your username. Its not too hard for internet stalkers to figure out who you are.

juliepellegrin

Wether you think I am real or not is really up to you but please girls lets be a little more lady like.  The reason why I am asking is because I cannot get a straight answer from my parents wether they will pay for it or not.  I'm pretty sure they are going to back out but there is always that chance they won't.  I already have the hall booked and the church also.  I'm just trying to think ahead and prevent any major stress. 

FutureMrsTR

Also, it seems like they're witholding the money as a threat to keep you from "misbehaving" and if they're doing that now, I can't imagine how many strings will be attached if you use their money for planning your wedding.

hayleymajayley

Well from your post it sounds like you should NOT plan a wedding at all. Seriously, how old are you? Your parents don't let you spend the night at your fiance's house? The whole thing just sounds ridiculous. Wait 5 years.

lpstl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:38806212-f37a-48fb-81c5-8ce9fa682d58Post:b5a21982-b7ae-4242-8800-4712a9dc03bb">HELP!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]So my mother and father cannot decide if they are going to pay for my wedding.  One week it is of course we are going to pay and then the next week it is if you don't straighten up your act we are not paying.  They are mad at me for sleeping at my fiances house every once in a while.  My parents are devout catholics but they say it is ok for him to sleep and my house but i can't go sleep at his???!?!?!?!?! How do I diffuse this situation and what if my mom and dad decide they are not going to pay (which i know that when it gets closer they are going to back out and leave me holding the bag like they always do). Do I start planning my dream wedding or the one I know I can afford???
Posted by juliepellegrin[/QUOTE]

For prosperity...

FutureMrsDudley55

Just curious, but how old are you?

ohwhynot

Julie, how old are you?  Are you still living with your parents?  When is your wedding, and can you afford the hall you've booked without your parents' contribution? 

mandybear7

Hahahaha lp.

But honestly, OP, my parents would freak out if I moved in with FI before we got married. They are paying for the wedding and I respect them as my parents, so I'm not moving in with him. As Expat said, you have to make that decision.

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:38806212-f37a-48fb-81c5-8ce9fa682d58Post:2a1880fd-61c5-4b7e-a435-7e43c115b621">Re: HELP!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Wether you think I am real or not is really up to you but <strong>please girls lets be a little more lady like.</strong>  The reason why I am asking is because I cannot get a straight answer from my parents wether they will pay for it or not.  I'm pretty sure they are going to back out but there is always that chance they won't.  I already have the hall booked and the church also.  I'm just trying to think ahead and prevent any major stress. 
Posted by juliepellegrin[/QUOTE]

Bitch please.  I'm the most lady-like broad on this board.  And anybody who says otherwise is getting a beatdown like whoa.  Heifer.

FutureMrsDudley55

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:38806212-f37a-48fb-81c5-8ce9fa682d58Post:a7e9b80e-d46f-46db-82f0-f3e184989c34">Re: HELP!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP!!! : Bitch please.  I'm the most lady-like broad on this board.  And anybody who says otherwise is getting a beatdown like whoa.  Heifer.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

HA! Love it!

angie74

blergh. you can't be serious. what a stupid ass question.

JessAndTrav

I'm with lpstl...definitely go for your dream wedding.

In all honesty--you sound/seem to be way too young to get married.

sarah0725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:38806212-f37a-48fb-81c5-8ce9fa682d58Post:2a1880fd-61c5-4b7e-a435-7e43c115b621">Re: HELP!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Wether you think I am real or not is really up to you but please girls lets be a little more lady like.
Posted by juliepellegrin[/QUOTE]

*belches*

Maybe you should explain to your parents why you like to sleep over at FI's house using My Little Ponies.

Kati0105

girls lets be a little more lady like

Sorry, I'm pretty sure you're looking for the stick-up-my-butt-pinkie-in-the-air forum (also known as "Just Engaged").

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:38806212-f37a-48fb-81c5-8ce9fa682d58Post:c9737636-757e-42a3-85b6-85b6ff6feb5c">Re: HELP!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP!!! :  Maybe you should explain to your parents why you like to sleep over at FI's house using My Little Ponies.
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

HA!

JessAndTrav

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:38806212-f37a-48fb-81c5-8ce9fa682d58Post:a7e9b80e-d46f-46db-82f0-f3e184989c34">Re: HELP!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP!!! : Bitch please.  I'm the most lady-like broad on this board.  And anybody who says otherwise is getting a beatdown like whoa. <strong> Heifer</strong>.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

This makes me think of <em>The Color Purple </em>when Squeak says, "You just a big ol heffa! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

MyNameIsNot

If your parents still discipline you, you're too young to get married. 

bbyckes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:38806212-f37a-48fb-81c5-8ce9fa682d58Post:c9737636-757e-42a3-85b6-85b6ff6feb5c">Re: HELP!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP!!! : *belches* Maybe you should explain to your parents why you like to sleep over at FI's house using My Little Ponies.
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

hahahaha  Love it!