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date dilemma

My fiance and I are getting married October 1, 2010. His brother just informed me that he and his fiance are getting married on the 2. I think it is rude for him to have chosen that date. Our weddings will be forever lumped into one event in the minds of the people who attend both. It will turn into a convoluted competition. We can't o on the short weekend vacation we planned afterwards because my fiance can't skip his brother's wedding. We chose to get married on a friday so we would have all weekend for our mini honeymoon because I'm still in school and we're going to have to wait until Christmas break to do the real thing.

I can't tell at this point if I'm ridiculously mad for no reason, or if it's justified. I just would really like some of y'all's opinions and advice. I'm stuck. 

Please and Thank you,
Alli
Lilypie Premature Baby tickersImage and video hosting by TinyPicLilypie Pregnancy tickers"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" -Mary Oliver

Re: date dilemma

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    Did you guys talk to each other before planning this date?  Did you get each others opinions or other family members opinions? 

    Communication is so important, let them know how you feel.  Anything set in stone yet?  any deposits put down on venues?  If your still in school is there a possibility you can wait till your done?  What's the rush?
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    Our date is set and paid for, theirs has a deposit. The guys' family is an extremely strange one. None of them really talk to each other. They won't know the difference between the two events. That's, I guess, where I'm getting selfish. I want it to be my moment. I don't want to share it with people we don't particularly get along with besides the fact that they're brothers. There is no real communication with them. I tried to explain how I was feeling to his brother last night and he ended up just screaming that it wasn't on the same day, so get over it.

    There is no rush to get married. That is just the date we both felt was right for us.
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickersImage and video hosting by TinyPicLilypie Pregnancy tickers"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" -Mary Oliver
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    Then do your best to enjoy your wedding, you only get one day, enjoy it as much as possible.  Let them worry about the results of planning them on seperate days.  Crappy, but don't let it bug you.  Have your cry, and move on. 
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    Well, then it sucks that they did that, but there's not much you can do about it.  You can either leave it and deal with it or you can move your date.  You still have a lot of time, so you should be able to get another weekend around the same time, especially with a Friday. 

    If you leave it, you could always go on your trip as planned and skip their wedding. 
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    That pretty much sucks.  I mean, I know you only get one day and all, but damn. 

    Can you work something out with them now that you know?
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    Cut and pasted from duplicate thread:

    Were they thinking that it would be convenient for out of town guests to have a " family wedding weekend" and only have to make the trip once?  I'm trying to give them the benefit of the doubt, but it's not easy. 

    I don't know that there's anything you can do - you can't make anyone change their date any more than they can make you change yours.  But you may want to move yours up a month if you don't want to have a family wedding weekend.  What does your fiance think?  What do your future inlaws think?

    I suppose there are some possible advantages to it, though - you could split certain costs, and you'll get to spend two nights in a row with your out of  town guests (at least thsoe you have in  common, like relatives).
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    edited February 2010
    As of right now, we'll either be skipping their wedding to go on our mini vacation or I'll be a pill sitting there. 

    I know this is all horribly selfish, but is it alright for me to be this way over my wedding?

    There really aren't any out of town guests in their family. They all live in the Atlanta area.
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickersImage and video hosting by TinyPicLilypie Pregnancy tickers"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" -Mary Oliver
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    You know, we all say you get one day, but yeah, it was a really jerk move on their part and you're right to be upset. 
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    I'd be upset, too, and as others have pointed out, I find it hard to believe that the other bride is thrilled about it, either.  Have you talked to her?

    Are you sure your date is set in stone?  If you are using the same vendors, they may be willing to apply the same payments to a different date in, say, September.  If I were you, that's what I'd try. 

    If you really, really can't change, and if they won't change, then try to enjoy your day and don't worry about people "not knowing the difference" - presumably they'll know the difference between the two weddings. 


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    This is the only time I've ever seen someone have a legit reason to be upset over someone choosing a wedding date close to theirs. Dude, that was really terrible of your FI's brother to do, IMO. And then yell at you that at least it wasn't the same day. Fuuck all that. I'd still go ahead with the wedding plans as they are now, becuase hey, at least you're first. And I'd probably skip their wedding too and leave to go on the little trip.
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    I think what they just did was pretty crappy.

    Your guests are going to party all night and then get up and to the next one?

    Selfishly, I'd want to plan a late night rager so all the guests at the bro's wedding will be too tired to enjoy themselves.
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    I agree with PP, I would try to talk to the other Bride, she might be more understanding...

    If not, and you can't move your date (which is really the only thing you have control over), then make sure to tell them that you already have a vacation planned and will not be able to attend. Actually your FI should tell them. And the reason I say to tell them now- is so that you don't become the 'bad guy' later on.
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    That totally sucks!  I can't imagine how I'd feel if my FBIL tried to pull that.  But I can understand why your FI doesn't want to miss his brother's wedding. 
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    Well, it seems like it will be difficult for them to plan a rehearsal dinner. Look on the bright side - maybe everyone will be hung over on their wedding day.

    I would say, "Well, unfortunately we are leaving on our mini-moon on Saturday morning, so we will not be able to attend. Good luck." And leave it at that. I'd say your wedding is more important than your BIL's wedding. To you and your FI, at least.
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    That seriously bites ass.  Obviously his brother isn't trying to hear that his douchbaggery isn't sliding by unnoticed, so I would just go on ahead with your wedding and your plans for a mini moon afterwards.  If his brother raises a stink about him not attending his wedding, pull the "we're sorry, we'd love to be there but the timing just isn't going to work for us.  Thanks for the invitation though."
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