Mother of the groom doesnt want her daughter at the wedding?!

missjean81302

Ok so here's the situation: My finace has a half sister (his mom had her when she was very young, and apprently there has been alot of issues and tension between them throughout the years). My Fiance would like to have his sister attend our wedding, but now his mom is saying that if she is invited, she wont come!!! WTH! What are we to do in this situation!? We are pretty freaked out because we did not anticipate NOT inviting his sister. How do we get them to set their differences aside for ONE day so we can have the wedding of our dreams?

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-of-groom-doesnt-want-her-daughter-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3997d591-c43d-48c4-8487-339eb02d40cbPost:c6a8c717-4b3e-479a-bcf1-b3a3fcbface1">Mother of the groom doesnt want her daughter at the wedding?!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok so here's the situation: My finace has a half sister (his mom had her when she was very young, and apprently there has been alot of issues and tension between them throughout the years). My Fiance would like to have his sister attend our wedding, but now his mom is saying that if she is invited, she wont come!!! WTH! What are we to do in this situation!? We are pretty freaked out because we did not anticipate NOT inviting his sister.<strong> How do we get them to set their differences aside for ONE day so we can have the wedding of our dreams?
</strong>Posted by missjean81302[/QUOTE]

You don't. You can't force people to act like mature adults. If your FI wants to invite his sister, invite his sister. If his mom says she's not coming, he needs to tell her she'll be missed, change the subject, and never bring up the wedding with her again. He needs to call his mom's bluff because that's probably all this is. Feeding into her childish demands is just giving her power over you.

Who's paying for the wedding?

vstu12

Invite her and let her be the one to make the decision.

hellerc1

What Ziti said, invite her and call MIL bluff. I would not even talk to her about it. If you have always planned on inviting the sister do it.

browneydgrl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-of-groom-doesnt-want-her-daughter-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3997d591-c43d-48c4-8487-339eb02d40cbPost:268146b8-9ec4-43a2-b261-2c8d7e473491">Re: Mother of the groom doesnt want her daughter at the wedding?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Mother of the groom doesnt want her daughter at the wedding?! : You don't. You can't force people to act like mature adults. If your FI wants to invite his sister, invite his sister. If his mom says she's not coming, he needs to tell her she'll be missed, change the subject, and never bring up the wedding with her again. <strong>He needs to call his mom's bluff because that's probably all this is. Feeding into her childish demands is just giving her power over you.</strong> Who's paying for the wedding?
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree. If she loves her son more than her own drama, she will do the right thing and show up regardless of who else is invited. </div>

Snippylynn

Call the bluff.  People make threats easily, but when you force the issue, it becomes a non-issue.

AND.  If she really follows through on it, well, you sure as heck know where you stand with her, right?  Then you get to decide if someone like her is worth it in the first place.

mkrupar

Ditto everyone else. She's just throwing that out there to make you all cave. It's childish and immature and makes me wonder who exactly is the adult in this situation. Call her on it. Tell her the sister is invited and if she won't come because of that she will be missed.

Loopyseven

Ditto PP's.  If your FI wants to invite his sister, he should do so.  

CRASHER1

 I am the MOM who wasn't invited to her son's wedding because my brother did not want me there , he had told my Son if I was there they werent coming....that stems from the funeral of my Dad. My brother kept me out of the picture until my Dad had died , so i never said  Good bye to my Father.   Hence I told my brother i would not be at his funeral...well Years later...this carried over and i consequently was LEFT out of my OWN SONS wedding...,So this tells ME where my SON was at.....I have cut him OUT of my life OFFICIALLY !

mob2689

Just glad with all the termoil in our family that we are able to put our differences aside for ONE day for someone we ALL love. (it will be intersting how it all goes to say the least)

 I hope the best for you and your FI. As others have stated call her bluf, and if you planned on inviting the sister in the beginning then do so.  It would be the FMIL loss and not yours even though your FI would be hurt, he is getting the woman of his dreams when he marries you

kmmssg

Agree with everyone to call her bluff.  When she tells your FI she won't attend, he simply needs to say, "I'm sorry you can't make this day about missjean and I.  I really hope you will change your mind, but if you don't you will be missed.  Sis in invited to the wedding."

When she brings it up, he needs to tell her the subject is closed, each and every time.  I'll bet she breaks.

tuckhm

We had a similar situation with my FFIL.  He has always had rocky relationship with his siblings (FI's uncles and aunts), and one day they had a particularly huge blow up and FFIL threatened to not come to our wedding if his siblings were invited.  Of course that put us in a huge predicament since we didn't want to disinvite his family.  This was several months before our wedding, and within a month after the drama went down FFIL was talking to his family again and he never brought up the threats to not attend the wedding again.

If you have plenty of time until your wedding, then maybe there is a chance that this may all blow over and you won't have to make any tough decisions.  If your FMIL is pushing for you to give her a definite answer sooner than later, then let her know that you want both her and FSIL to be there, and will be inviting both her and FSIL.  She can then make her own decision.

cathyandjustyn

Ditto zitiqueen! Had the same situation between my mom and step-mom. I told each of them (individually) that both were invited and that it is going to be MY day. I asked them for their only gift/wedding contribution to be that they put their differences aside for ONE freakin day and realize that this wasn't about them anymore. I said that I didn't expect them to make conversation and beome BFF's, but to merely be amicable in the same place together. What do you know... they're both coming and have yet to bring back their childish ways. (we'll see if this continues after the wedding) 

missjean81302

Thank you all so much for the advice. The plot has thickened tho....found out why FMIL and FSIL dont speak and that this family is ALOT more F--_ED up than I thought. No worries, tho. Because like most of you said, its OUR day, and we are going to live a happy life together regardless of who shows up at our wedding!