Guests

lanneyd

We have some friends that have been dating their significant other for many years, some only a few weeks, and some are completely single.  When we sent out save the dates, everyone just got their single name on the card, unless they have been together for several years.  When it comes to the wedding invites what is the proper way to determine if someone gets an "and guest"? 

jeanna85

I would try to give everyone an "and guest". That's what I'm doing. I remember weddings where I was invited and my fiance (then BF) wasn't and it sucked. If you can't afford that, at the very least everyone who is married, engaged, or living together should be considered a social unit and both should be invited.

brookelynpaisley

Anyone in an established relationship should be invited with their significant other. To some brides, this means living together or engaged. For others, it means they've been together for a certain amount of time. It's up to you to determine, but keep in mind that any cut-off could cause hurt feelings for SOs being left out.

Also, the invitation shouldn't say "and guest." The invitation should be addressed to both people by name. If you don't know your friend's SO's name, take 2 minutes to pick up the phone and call them to find out what it is. SIngle guest's invitations should be addressed to them only, and if they RSVP for more than just them, call and explain that you're unable to accomodate a guest for them and you hope they'll still join you.

FYI we invited everyone with a guest. DH and I know we wouldn't want to go to a wedding alone, and decided to extend a guest invite to all guests. In the case where the guest was truly single with no SO, i included a handwritten note in the invitation telling them they were welcome to bring someone and to please include their guest's name with the RSVP.

soontobeschooley

We are also giving EVERYONE an "and guest."  Even if I were single, I wouldn't want to go to a wedding by myself, but I do know that some people are a little more restrictive because of their budget.

At least anyone who is in a serious relationship should have their SO invited.  As someone mentioned, "serious relationship" is subjective and you decide what that means.

quotequeen

If it really jumps from a few weeks to a few years, then your cutoff is probably fine.  The cutoff is supposed to be when they couple becomes a "social unit," though that isn't clearly defined, or at least, people disagree about what the defintion is.  If you choose an arbitrary length of time, you run the risk of offending certain people because THEY consider their relationship to be serious and consider themselves to be part of a social unit.  If you only invited SOs of 2+ years, and you have somebody who has been in a relationship for 1.5 years, that person will probably be upset about it.

squirrly

If they refer to the person they're dating as a GF or BF, I'd say they get an invite with their SO, regardless of if it's been 2 dates or 2 years. 

If you've met the person they're dating multiple times, I'd invite them. 

And if you have room, I'd give everybody an "and guest". 

PsyDet 2155

If your budget allows, I would invite everyone with a guest.  I can't really think of too many people who want to go to a wedding alone.

Calypso1977

the only ones you are required to invite with "and guest" are marrieds, engaged, living togethers and serious LTRs.

if you do invite singles, this is where planning your seating chart will take some extra time to ensure that the singles have a good time.  for example, dont put all of the singles at the same table.  lame.  try to place your singles with other poeple with whom they either know or have a common interest with.

i have gone to 1 or 2 weddings solo.  i had a blast.  buit i'm a pretty confident person and dont feel the need to always have someone to hold my hand.  i would never let being alone prevent me from missing something as important as a wedding.

brittneyumd

I am planning to invite "plus ones" only if they are in a relationship--married, engaged, boyfriend/girlfriend. The only exception will be if the person invited does not know anyone else at the wedding. For example, I am inviting a bunch of people that all hang out together all of the time. If someone in that group does not have a boyfriend, I am not going to feel bad because they will know so many other people (including other singles). My plan isn't perfect, but it's a way to save money.

Beachy730

Ditto PPs.  Deciding a cutoff is tricky and up to each couple.  But I do get bothered by a lof of the cutoffs people mention on here because H and I got serious quick.  We were married before we were together for 2 years so when people say its not serious unless its been at least a year or 2 it drives me nuts

We also were torn on who to give guests to.  We weren't going to give them to singles but then realized with our invites going out about 7 weeks before the wedding, it was very possible that someone could meet the person of their dreams in that length of time.  We ended up giving a guest to everyone and didn't regret it at all. 

Also, the only problem I see with not giving a guest when they know other people is that I would never want to be the only single person with all couples.  Even if they were my friends and I knew lots of people there, it would still make me feel awkward.

PharmacyBride

I gave a plus one to everyone.  I personally feel it is respectful and the right thing to do.  Now a days- people put of marriage for many years to pursue education/careers.. I also feel like labeling them a single even more is a bit cruel.

Your guests will LOVE the option.. and in my experience.. most people don't abuse it (although my sister invited a lot of people younger than 22 and they abused it.. girls were fighting to be one of the dates of the single guys).. but I have been to many weddings where it wasn't abused.

It also prevents you from having to judge your friends' relationships- which trust me- will save you a lot of drama.  Also- relationship statuses change.  At the time we created our list.. our friend was single... he had a new gf by the time invites went out .. and now they are very serious..  our wedding was a great way for everyone to meet her and he would have been very upset not to be able to bring her.  If he is a close enough friend to invite in the first place.. why would we do anything to make him less comfortable at our wedding!

qwerty777

We invited all SO's of our guests, but other than that no one got a plus one unless they didn't know anyone else. Of everyone we invited, there was one person who didn't really know anyone there. She knew my ILs, who were at the parents table. I told her she could bring a guest if she wanted, but she choose not to, and hung out with my sorority sisters for dinner. I also didn't invite any SOs of my cousins that are under 18, but I think I only had one cousin who this applied to.

RMacQueen

You should also consider how many people they are going to know at your wedding. If they aren't going to know anyone, then you give them a guest regardless of relationship status. However, if they know 10 people then they should be fine on their own.

alexirom

I am giving everyone a "plus one".  If I was single I would want the option to bring a date.  A few years ago my FI (then BF) was invited to a wedding without me and I was very annoyed.  I think it is difficult to judge how serious a couple is, some people are serious from the start while others are still casual after a few months.  Between the time of making a list and sending invites people may become serious, they may even get to that point between the time they get the invite and the wedding.  I understand that weddings are expensive, but is there any other place you could cut the budget?

ktelfer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3999062e-6397-4c28-8f9b-8a6b6a354780Post:d340cfb1-c359-4136-9ef3-f0f8faba3ec0">Re: Guests</a>:
[QUOTE]I am planning to invite "plus ones" only if they are in a relationship--married, engaged, boyfriend/girlfriend. The only exception will be if the person invited does not know anyone else at the wedding. For example, I am inviting a bunch of people that all hang out together all of the time. If someone in that group does not have a boyfriend, I am not going to feel bad because they will know so many other people (including other singles). My plan isn't perfect, but it's a way to save money.
Posted by brittneyumd[/QUOTE]

That is exactly what I plan on doing. I have a group of 6 friends that I have know since highschool and only one of them is in a relationship - I don't want them to bring someone just because they can and I don't want to spend $100 on someone I don't know. But that is just me. :) 

mica178

We had space limits, so married, engaged, and LTR couples were invited.  For people who didn't know many other people at the wedding we also asked them if they wanted to bring a date.