Wedding Etiquette Forum

I feel like a jerk C-list

So I have a friend (acquaintance) at work who was not invited to my wedding.  He's ALWAYS asking me questions about the wedding - how planning is going, how things are coming out.  I don't ever actually see him at work, but he IMs me on the office IM system.

I feel bad because I almost invited him then decided against it.

Well, now I'm just a few days out, and I have extra seats at a few tables (tables of 10 - and I pay per table not per head).  He keeps bringing up my wedding and talking about it a lot.  I actually would like to invite him (just a "hey, if you want, feel free to come"), but then I feel like a jerk for not inviting him in the first place - I mean, obviously, when you're invited over IM 3.5 days before the wedding, you weren't on the guest list...

I'd be fine not inviting him too, but I kind of feel like he's fishing for an invitation, and it really doesn't affect us at all if he comes or not (we are way under capacity).


am I a jerk and ignore his "fishing for an invite"? or am I a jerk and invite him 3.5 days before the wedding?
Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

Re: I feel like a jerk C-list

  • This may sound odd, but can you pretend like you sent him an invite and ask him if he is coming? Maybe bending the truth will get you out of this one. Or just invite him since he obviously wants to come.
  • I wouldn't invite him.  Three days before the wedding, its rude.  
    Photobucket
  • I definitely wouldn't lie about it.  Someone did that to my aunt a few days from the wedding and she knew it was total BS.  If you do choose to invite him, just be very upfront and honest with him.  Something like "I'm really sorry, I originally planned to invite you but our guest list got out of control with family and we had to cut it down.  We have had a few family members that can't make it, so we would love it if you could come to our wedding, even though its very last minute." 

    If you are going the route of asking him, honesty is the best policy IMO.
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
  • yeah - I'm not good at lying I was just going to say something to the effect of "you know, we have a few extra open seats at the reception, so if you want to come, you're welcome to.  all of the info that you need is on our website here www.mywedding.com"
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Next time he mentions it, say, Hey, would you be interested in going?  Cool, it's at the blank at blank o clock, feel free to bring Mrs. coworker!
  • fortunately he is single, because I only have 1 seat open at each table, and I don't want to re-do my entire seating chart just because of a 3-day-before addition
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Well, if you only have one seat at each table, I wouldn't invite him. It might be odd for him to want to go to a wedding with such late notice on his own. What if you passed along a verbal invite, and then he wanted to bring a guest to keep him company? It doesn't seem like it's worth the hassle. 
    image
    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • You would be fine to do that, especially since he's fishing for an invite.  We had one person that we added like 2 weeks before the wedding.  It was a BM's cousin who I'm friends with but didn't invite, and that BM's boyfriend wasn't crazy about going alone, so I asked the cousin to come as his "date" since his GF was a BM.  I said it exactly how I said in my example I gave you, and she totally was cool with it.  Its definitely not the most ideal thing to do, but if you are honest about it people understand. 

    imageBabyFruit Ticker
  • he does know people at one of my 9-person tables, so it wouldn't be too awkward....but I'm still undecided too


    sorry - I'm in pre-wedding freak-out mode where I am second-guessing all of my decisions...
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • edited August 2010
    I'll tell you what happened last year with my sister's wedding -

    My folks were really at odds at whether to invite my fiance's (then boyfriend's) parents to my sister's wedding.  They know a lot of the same people and have the same friends... but never QUITE ran in the same circle, if you know what I mean.  My mom knew my boyfriend and I were serious and would get engaged soon, so she felt an obligation to invite his folks.  Then again - they didn't know my sister or fiance well.  She went back and forth for weeks.

    She didn't send them an invitation.

    I think it was about two weeks before my sister's wedding when my mom just caved.  She went to the bank (Ben's dad is president there) and she actually gave him a handwritten invitation (all their formal extra ones were used up).  When she told me about it I was MORTIFIED.  Really!?  Tacky much?

    But as it turns out - my fiance's folks felt the same way my mom did.  They said they'd be honored if they WERE invited, but would understand if they weren't.  They actually really appreciated being extended a last minute invitation.

    It may not be the case with every person that's given a last minute invite - but you just never know.  You know this guy, and would probably know how he would feel.  Use your instincts. 

    ETA - Ben's folks came to my sister's wedding and had a total blast.
    panther
  • I did the same thing - In the end I did not invite the person and did not miss them! If you do invite him though I would be honest...
    image
  • I agree with MyWedding13 as long as you had his ADDRESS in advance, it might work.
  • I've been kind of pushed on this too...My mom asked me two weeks after invites were sent out, "Did you invite ---?"
    ummm...no, because that person isn't someone I want to share breathing space with...but she persisted and I caved...I scrounged up a leftover invite and sent it. I don't expect the person to actually show up, but still...
    If it's someone you don't mind being there, I'd say it's fine...but don't pull a me and invite someone you can't stand! lol
  • I was on the fence about inviting a couple last minute.  H and I had just reacquainted with them and since they were newly engaged we were talking wedding stuff with them a lot.  but they weren't invited, because they were "new" friends.

    We had tables open up, but in the end did not invite them.  I think we made the right decision.

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards