Not serving alcahol, is it rude?

BrooklynGurl17

My fiance and I don't drink, and alcahol is really expensive so we aren't planning on serving it. But I know at other weddings I've been too if there's no alcahol people complain. Should I serve it or not?

Elinetrouwt

It is not rude at all, and it is pretty rude from those people to complain about it. I don't drink alcohol either and I would have no problem with attending a dry wedding. You should realise however that some people will see a wedding without alcohol as less fun and will be rude about this. Their loss, no?

Rose March

No it is not rude. Guests complaining about a dry wedding is rude. You don't have to serve alcohol if you don't want.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-serving-alcahol-is-it-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a4f39a0-15dd-44a2-a743-4b74246f25abPost:a3577994-5bfe-4be6-b3ab-17b9e3780107">Not serving alcahol, is it rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance  and I don't drink, and alcahol is really expensive so we aren't planning on serving it. But I know at other weddings I've been too if there's no alcahol people complain. Should I serve it or not?
Posted by BrooklynGurl17[/QUOTE]

<div>A dry wedding is acceptable.  However this is the case where you really should know your guests.  If you know for a fact that your guests have complained that there is no alcohol at the weddings then it's pretty certain they will complain at yours as well.  It's up to you if that's how you want your wedding night to go or for people to remember about it.  Also, dry weddings tend to end earlier, and IMO are not as fun because people are less likely to cut loose on the dance floor, or even dance at all.  I personally won't step foot on the dance floor without a few drinks in me first, and if I wasn't going to dance at all I probably would leave shortly after dinner.</div><div>
</div><div>Also ways to save money are doing one or two signature drinks only, or beer and wine only. </div>

Kristin789

Not rude.  We only had a champagne toast, no other alcohol - and a wonderful reception...

kellyjellybelly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-serving-alcahol-is-it-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a4f39a0-15dd-44a2-a743-4b74246f25abPost:cd4cd626-bd62-4281-8cf7-3e5793da926a">Re: Not serving alcahol, is it rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Not serving alcahol, is it rude? : A dry wedding is acceptable.  However this is the case where you really should know your guests.  If you know for a fact that your guests have complained that there is no alcohol at the weddings then it's pretty certain they will complain at yours as well.  It's up to you if that's how you want your wedding night to go or for people to remember about it.  Also, dry weddings tend to end earlier, and IMO are not as fun because people are less likely to cut loose on the dance floor, or even dance at all.  I personally won't step foot on the dance floor without a few drinks in me first, and if I wasn't going to dance at all I probably would leave shortly after dinner. Also ways to save money are doing one or two signature drinks only, or beer and wine only. 
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, I'm in this boat.  </div><div>Are you having a daytime wedding?  Satuday evening wedding?  Of course, it's up to you whether you serve alcohol or not.  I don't feel it's rude to NOT have alcohol.  I always just assume when I go to a wedding that there will be alcohol served, and I would be kind of disappointed if there wasn't.  </div>

[Deleted User]

It's not rude, but the most boring wedding that I ever went to was a dry wedding. Not only that, but plenty of people were complaining about it. Not saying that they were right to complain, but it still happened.

Honestly, I'd rather go to a wedding with a cash bar than one that is completely dry.

littleluckypenny

Alcohol is a luxury, not a necessity.  If people actually complain, they are the rude ones, not you.

BrooklynGurl17

Ok so now I'm starting to think about serving alcohol, but I still want to keep costs down so should I just get champagne or wine for toasts and then not serve any other type of alcohol? Because I'm on a pretty tight budget, and I know that having open bars are pretty expensive.

kellyjellybelly

Check with you venue - tell them you have X amount you can set aside for alcohol and want to see what they can offer.  See what your options are and then you can make a decision from there.  

Starfish0116

It's not rude, and it's rude for guests to complain, but just be prepared that people will probably leave early.

My FI and I are not drinkers (he doesn't at all, and I don't out of respect for him, but have no issue with alcohol myself), but all of our friends/family are drinkers. We're still having a full open bar. To us, we're hosting a party to thank our guests for celebrating our wedding with us, and we want to host a party that they will enjoy. We know our guests, and they would not be having fun if the drinks weren't flowing. We want our wedding to be a huge party, and it's just a given that people are more loose and ready to have fun after a couple of drinks. Sure not everyone needs drinks to loosen up, but most people do.

Every dry wedding I've attended were, and I hate to say it because they were all lovely ceremonies and great couples, super boring. Most people left early. The evening ones that had music, but no one danced. The daytime ones consisted of people sitting around just talking.

PhoneCardLady

I will not have alcohol at my wedding and we will probably have a sparkling CIDER toast....

So you are not being rude!

mica178

It's fine to have a dry wedding, but I'd probably plan for a daytime wedding to reduce people's expectations to drink.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-serving-alcahol-is-it-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a4f39a0-15dd-44a2-a743-4b74246f25abPost:79862806-e778-454b-ac0b-51e73a375e65">Re: Not serving alcahol, is it rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]I will not have alcohol at my wedding and we will probably have a sparkling CIDER toast.... So you are not being rude!
Posted by PhoneCardLady[/QUOTE]

<div>Just because YOU are doing it doesn't mean that it's not rude.  I'm not saying that having a dry wedding is rude, just the fact that your sole argument here is that you're doing it so it's clearly okay is complete BS.  </div><div>
</div><div>OP honestly, I think wanting to serve alcohol and having a champagne toast are completely different.  Personally I couldn't care less if there was a champagne toast or not because generally it's only about 2 sips of champagne in your glass.  Truly that isn't going to make a difference to your guests who want alcohol.  IMO unless a champagne toast is included in your package I think it's a waste of money, when the money could be spent on bottles of wine per table at least and people could just toast with that as well. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

MichelleThompson

My FH & I are not serving alcohol BUT we are the type of people who have learned how 2 let loose w/o the use of alcohol. I personally think its juvenile to say "I only can have a good time w/ drinks". We will we introduced @ the reception and start partying right away. We have an awesome DJ who will get ppl movng. I refuse to bow to the pressure of lushes so they can have liquid courage to make a fool of themselves. Our wedding will be beautiful and party w/o alcohol. Its possible. I've been to dry weddings and left with my feet hurting from dancing so much. DO YOU

ggirl2001

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-serving-alcahol-is-it-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a4f39a0-15dd-44a2-a743-4b74246f25abPost:b16393be-56e0-4a15-99da-506d39ca536f">Re: Not serving alcahol, is it rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FH & I are not serving alcohol BUT we are the type of people who have learned how 2 let loose w/o the use of alcohol. I personally think its juvenile to say "I only can have a good time w/ drinks". We will we introduced @ the reception and start partying right away. We have an awesome DJ who will get ppl movng. I refuse to bow to the pressure of lushes so they can have liquid courage to make a fool of themselves. Our wedding will be beautiful and party w/o alcohol. Its possible. I've been to dry weddings and left with my feet hurting from dancing so much. DO YOU
Posted by MichelleThompson[/QUOTE]
You sound lovely.  Just because YOU don't need it to dance, doesn't mean that there aren't people who don't like to have a few drinks at  a wedding. The reception is meant as a thank you to your guests and you want to host them properly. <div>
</div><div>OP, it is not rude to not have alcohol, but ditto other PP's. Host what you can afford and go from there. </div>

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-serving-alcahol-is-it-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a4f39a0-15dd-44a2-a743-4b74246f25abPost:b16393be-56e0-4a15-99da-506d39ca536f">Re: Not serving alcahol, is it rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FH & I are not serving alcohol BUT we are the type of people who have learned how 2 let loose w/o the use of alcohol. I personally think its juvenile to say "I only can have a good time w/ drinks". We will we introduced @ the reception and start partying right away. We have an awesome DJ who will get ppl movng. I refuse to bow to the pressure of lushes so they can have liquid courage to make a fool of themselves.
Posted by MichelleThompson[/QUOTE]

Goodness - how pretentious.

kellyjellybelly

Beachy and GG:  the three of us are clearly juvenile.  

GG I'm gettting H drunk tonight and convincing him to buy me and Tucker a plane ticket!

kellyjellybelly

AND yes.  I use alcohol to get my husband to do what I want.

We are such lushes.  

BUT  I'm a happy lush.  In fact, I may go have a glass of wine right now.  Just cause I want to.  

And then I'm going to make a fool of myself with all my liquid courage.  

mica178

Woot, KJB.  :P

kellyjellybelly

Actually, my whole next vacation is centered around alcohol.  Napa is such a juvenile place to go visit.  

MichelleThompson

Oh ladies! Calm down lol It is an expection to drink @ a wedding but totally not rude to not serve alcohol. Call it "shy" call it "fun" call it "liquid courage". Either way Brooklyngryl would be bowing to the pressure of an uncessary expense. So yes some dry weddings are boring and yes some open bar weddings are outrageous. Its about Brooklyngryl & her FH and the money they have to spend not so that Shy Jane Doe" will dance. Ha!

mica178

Napa is for babies.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-serving-alcahol-is-it-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a4f39a0-15dd-44a2-a743-4b74246f25abPost:22239133-f5c8-4226-844e-6ed82a83152f">Re: Not serving alcahol, is it rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh ladies! Calm down lol It is an expection to drink @ a wedding but totally not rude to not serve alcohol. Call it "shy" call it "fun" call it "liquid courage". Either way Brooklyngryl would be bowing to the pressure of an uncessary expense. So yes some dry weddings are boring and yes some open bar weddings are outrageous. <strong>Its about Brooklyngryl & her FH and the money they have to spend not so that Shy Jane Doe" will dance. Ha!</strong>
Posted by MichelleThompson[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, you don't belong on the etiquette board giving advice.  I think you made a wrong turn somewhere. </div>

banana468

I never understand the "I don't do this so why offer it" logic.

It's mind boggling.

Then again, I can't imagine a dry wedding in my family. 

kellyjellybelly

I'm just picturing the look of sheer confusion on my friends faces if they showed up and we didn't have alcohol.  

LetsHikeToday

I can't imagine a dry wedding in my circle either. If it were dry, I can guarantee it would end pretty quickly. I agree with banana. I don't understand the "we don't drink so we won't provide it for everyone" mentality. I dont eat red meat but that was an option for our guests.

RebeccaB88

There's nothing wrong with a dry wedding.  I've been to weddings with a full open bar that were boring as hell, and dry weddings that were a blast. It's all about how much effort the hosts and guests were willing to put into it. If you go into it deciding you're going to be bored, then you probably will be.

Complaining that I'm a bad hostess because I chose not to serve this or that would probably cause me to distance myself from our relationship.  To me, this is rudeness to the point of being offensive and insulting.  If you're offering a proper amount of food and beverage that is appropriate to the time and location of the event, then you're doing your job as a hostess. Period.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-serving-alcahol-is-it-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a4f39a0-15dd-44a2-a743-4b74246f25abPost:b16393be-56e0-4a15-99da-506d39ca536f">Re: Not serving alcahol, is it rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FH & I are not serving alcohol BUT we are the type of people who have learned how 2 let loose w/o the use of alcohol. I personally think its juvenile to say "I only can have a good time w/ drinks". We will we introduced @ the reception and start partying right away. We have an awesome DJ who will get ppl movng. I refuse to bow to the pressure of lushes so they can have liquid courage to make a fool of themselves. Our wedding will be beautiful and party w/o alcohol. Its possible. I've been to dry weddings and left with my feet hurting from dancing so much. DO YOU
Posted by MichelleThompson[/QUOTE]

I bet you are a blast to hang out with.

mizutamababy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-serving-alcahol-is-it-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a4f39a0-15dd-44a2-a743-4b74246f25abPost:b16393be-56e0-4a15-99da-506d39ca536f">Re: Not serving alcahol, is it rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FH & I are not serving alcohol BUT we are the type of people who have learned how 2 let loose w/o the use of alcohol. I personally think its juvenile to say "I only can have a good time w/ drinks". We will we introduced @ the reception and start partying right away. We have an awesome DJ who will get ppl movng. I refuse to bow to the pressure of lushes so they can have liquid courage to make a fool of themselves. Our wedding will be beautiful and party w/o alcohol. Its possible. I've been to dry weddings and left with my feet hurting from dancing so much. DO YOU
Posted by MichelleThompson[/QUOTE]

IA with you that it's silly that so many people need alcohol to have a good time.  I have a lot of aquaintances and also have a few friends that every time they go out it centers around drinking.  It's pretty boring for me because I'm not a drinker and, like you,  I don't need alcohol to have a good time.

HOWEVER, and a big one!  Not all  people are the same.  DH needs a few drinks in him to be more outgoing, even though he doesn't often drink.  There many people that fall into that need a few drinks to loosen up category.  So for this reason we had alcohol at our wedding.  I don't think it's fair to expect guests to adhere to your standards just because you invited them to your wedding.

reallymk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-serving-alcahol-is-it-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a4f39a0-15dd-44a2-a743-4b74246f25abPost:de50ab83-f24d-4c56-8628-0954fc930314">Re: Not serving alcahol, is it rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's not rude, but the most boring wedding that I ever went to was a dry wedding. Not only that, but plenty of people were complaining about it. Not saying that they were right to complain, but it still happened. Honestly, I'd rather go to a wedding with a cash bar than one that is completely dry.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

Again, it obviously depends on the crowd, but the most boring wedding reception I ever went to was open bar. Most of the groomsmen, one of the bridesmaids, and quite a few of their friends were boisterously and/or belligerantly drunk within a hour after dinner. People left that wedding pretty early, too.

Hopefully your guests can have a good time either with or without alcohol.