Distance between ceremony and reception

BizWiz4

My FI and I are having a small-ish wedding with just our families (grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc) and a handful of very close friends.  Then, we'd like to have a large reception with more extended family, good friends, etc. 

The problem is that the venues are about 45 minutes apart.  There may be closer options, but I really love the two that are chosen.  I was thinking we could do some light finger foods and maybe a champagne toast after the ceremony, then the family/friends could snack while we take pictures, etc?  The reception is also at a convention center with a hotel attatched, so they are welcome to leave early and check into their hotel rooms, freshen up (after an outdoor wedding), etc. 

Is this asking alot for families to travel 45 min from one to another? Any suggestions on how to fill the time in between?

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_distance-between-ceremony-and-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a81d846-891d-4e1d-b707-5fe001e97c79Post:dbd6acba-8064-495e-9e87-08177b7b36b5">Distance between ceremony and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>My FI and I are having a small-ish wedding with just our families (grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc) and a handful of very close friends.  Then, we'd like to have a large reception with more extended family, good friends, etc.  T</strong>he problem is that the venues are about 45 minutes apart.  There may be closer options, but I really love the two that are chosen.  I was thinking we could do some light finger foods and maybe a champagne toast after the ceremony, then the family/friends could snack while we take pictures, etc?  The reception is also at a convention center with a hotel attatched, so they are welcome to leave early and check into their hotel rooms, freshen up (after an outdoor wedding), etc.  Is this asking alot for families to travel 45 min from one to another? Any suggestions on how to fill the time in between?
Posted by BizWiz4[/QUOTE]

The issue with the bolded is that you're essentially having a tiered wedding. Everyone invited to the reception should also be invited to the ceremony. The only time it's OK is if the ceremony is TRULY immediate family only which means no aunts, uncles, cousins or friends. Just siblings and parents and you and FI. So I would re-think that.

I also think 45 min. is too far in between. I think the max should be 30 min. tops.

angelsong21

I agree with PP - the max time between ceremony and reception should be 30 minutes tops.

BizWiz4

Well crapola.... 32 miles? LOL.  Thanks gals.

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_distance-between-ceremony-and-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a81d846-891d-4e1d-b707-5fe001e97c79Post:0630b954-de2c-480d-8f3a-f3a85e544b88">Re: Distance between ceremony and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Well crapola.... 32 miles? LOL.  Thanks gals.
Posted by BizWiz4[/QUOTE]

32 miles can be 45 minutes, of if there is an accident or something, an hour.  I would try to limit it to around 20 minutes honestly, but 30 minutes tops.

And I agree with PP.  If you are going to do a private ceremony, make it actually private.  That means immediate family only and maybe a MOH and BM.  But, if you are inviting extended family, you really should find a way to include all of the guests that are invited to the reception.

melb2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_distance-between-ceremony-and-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a81d846-891d-4e1d-b707-5fe001e97c79Post:35fb978a-3ef5-4a6c-aafd-bcacc69b613f">Re: Distance between ceremony and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Distance between ceremony and reception : The issue with the bolded is that you're essentially having a tiered wedding. Everyone invited to the reception should also be invited to the ceremony.<strong> The only time it's OK is if the ceremony is TRULY immediate family only which means no aunts, uncles, cousins or friends. </strong>Just siblings and parents and you and FI. So I would re-think that. I also think 45 min. is too far in between. I think the max should be 30 min. tops.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

<div>I disagree with this.  It doesn't sound like OP is having a ceremony with say 50 people and then a 100 for the reception.  As long as you host the people at the ceremony also at the reception, I don't see a problem.  It's wrong to have a tiered reception, but this isn't what she's describing.</div><div>I also agree that 45 min is too far.  Max 30 min.</div>

ootmother2

45 minutes doesn,t bother me as much as the tiered reception

kateguess22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_distance-between-ceremony-and-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a81d846-891d-4e1d-b707-5fe001e97c79Post:dbd6acba-8064-495e-9e87-08177b7b36b5">Distance between ceremony and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI and I are having a small-ish wedding with just our families (grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc) and a handful of very close friends.  Then, we'd like to have a large reception with more extended family, good friends, etc.  The problem is that the venues are about 45 minutes apart.  There may be closer options, but I really love the two that are chosen.  I was thinking we could do some light finger foods and maybe a champagne toast after the ceremony, then the family/friends could snack while we take pictures, etc?  The reception is also at a convention center with a hotel attatched, so they are welcome to leave early and check into their hotel rooms, freshen up (after an outdoor wedding), etc.  Is this asking alot for families to travel 45 min from one to another? Any suggestions on how to fill the time in between?
Posted by BizWiz4[/QUOTE]

Personally speaking, I think it`s okay to send an invite only to the reception. However, it`s the other way around that is never acceptable to me- you can`t invite someone only to the ceremony when you are having a reception. I know that wasn`t part of your question but I noticed that the above poster disagrees with this so I wanted to also give you my opinion for what it`s worth.

I know you said that it`s a 45 minute drive from the ceremony to the reception, but I`m not sure how much time there is between when the ceremony ends and the reception begins. I`m also curious if 45 minutes means under 45 minutes, or more than 45 minutes with traffic. Anyway, you have options. You could possibly set up a `hospitality lounge`at the hotel where the guests are staying and your light finger foods with champange toast idea could happen there after the 45 minute drive instead of at the ceremony site. As long as your guests aren`t abandoned for a long period of time with absolutely no plans or place to enjoy themselves. Stick to ideas that are an organized social `party`atmosphere that all guests are included in rather than a `fend-for-yourself-nothing-to-do-but-go-hang-out-in-your-hotel-room-alone`. Obviously your guests can choose to do this but you could give them the possibility of being entertained and technically hosted by you even in between the ceremony and the reception if they choose.

And my opinion as a wedding guest about the 45 minute drive: I think that`s bordering on unreasonable to be honest. But just bordering. I`m sure that all of your guests would obviously prefer a shorter drive- usually the shorter the better. However, 45 minutes isn`t completely crazy so if these venues are really important to you then don`t let it stop you. Just think it over because your guests might (secretly!) grumble about it on the drive to the reception. This really depends on what 45 minutes means though- is it somewhere between 30-45 with traffic or is it 45-55 mins depending on traffic- to me this makes a big difference!

DramaGeek

If you were having a private (read: immediate family only) ceremony in the morning with a large reception in the evening, I wouldn't even think twice about the distance because they're essentially two different events.  However, as described I think it's too far.  Of course, I also think it's rude to only invite people to the reception, unless of course the ceremony really was private.

BizWiz4

You are right- 32 miles IS 45 min where we are.  There will be no traffic- because tractors aren't typically out this time of year.   It's difficult to get venues close to one another- but even I was thinking this might be a bit of a stretch (though I'd be lying if I said I didn't hope someone would convince me otherwise! ).

My family is very close and without many aunts/uncles/cousins- so the idea for the wedding guest list is less than 1/6th of the reception site.  I understand other's thinking that a "reception only" invite isn't best etiquette, but it's how we had hoped to deal with it.

The thought was that it would be mid-afternoon ceremony, with an evening reception.  Therefore, we'd have time to have the ceremony, take pictures at our leisure, and chit chat with family before meeting up with extended familiy, etc.

Thanks for all input.

hoffse

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_distance-between-ceremony-and-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a81d846-891d-4e1d-b707-5fe001e97c79Post:89046837-d404-496c-9c27-4859992e341d">Re: Distance between ceremony and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]You are right- 32 miles IS 45 min where we are.  There will be no traffic- because tractors aren't typically out this time of year. ;)  It's difficult to get venues close to one another- but even I was thinking this might be a bit of a stretch (though I'd be lying if I said I didn't hope someone would convince me otherwise! :)). My family is very close and without many aunts/uncles/cousins- so the idea for the wedding guest list is less than 1/6th of the reception site.  I understand other's thinking that a "reception only" invite isn't best etiquette, but it's how we had hoped to deal with it. The thought was that it would be mid-afternoon ceremony, with an evening reception.  Therefore, we'd have time to have the ceremony, take pictures at our leisure, and chit chat with family before meeting up with extended familiy, etc. Thanks for all input.
Posted by BizWiz4[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Well it doesn't stick strictly with etiquette, but I might be able to get behind this plan since there's such a big gap between the ceremony and reception.  As a guest I don't mind an hour or even an hour and a half wait between the ceremony and reception but I don't like really long gaps.  Since there's such a large gap it doesn't seem entirely unreasonable to me, particularly if guests can check in to their hotel and freshen up.</div><div>
</div><div>Honestly the only thing about this that really bugs me is the private ceremony - I don't get why you can't invite everybody you invite to the reception to the ceremony also.  Is it because the venue is too small?  If so then it sounds like you're picking venues over guests, and that's never good.  Is it because that's your wedding dream?  If so, then I think you need to re-dream this one - it would offend me to be invited to the reception and not the ceremony because I was important enough to party with you (and buy you a gift) but not important enough to witness your vows.

</div>

BizWiz4

The small wedding was mainly because I wanted it to be close family only.  It's difficult to invite one cousin without inviting another (particularly siblings) when you aren't that close to both, which is how the number jumped from 20 to 40 so quickly!

I guess I hadn't thought about people being upset not being invited to the wedding.  It's just the way my family has typically handled the situation, and I hear so many people making excuses not to attend the ceremony and just show up for the reception.  I guess my thinking was the reverse- instead of "making" them (yes- i know- it's not a MUST) come to the wedding in order to come to the reception and eat/drink, I was getting a venue I loved and "letting them off the hook." 

YOu make a good point, and honesty I hadn't as much thought into it as I should have- rather, just went with the status quo.

Thanks!