Babies at the bridal shower?

krichards0527

I got into a tiff with my mother this morning.... basically two of my bridesmaids (my cousins) are pregnant, one due in December and one due in May. I could not be more happy for them! The issue is... my mother thought I was being ridiculous when I said that I would not want the new babies to be at my bridal shower. Instead of being a bridal shower, it would turn into a baby extravaganza- we will be having lots of family and out of town guests who would probably be seeing the babies for the first time! I am aware of how selfish this sounds... but I also am upset thinking that the focus of my bridal shower would be babies. My cousins each had their own bridal and baby showers with the focus on them, and now I feel like it is my turn. 

HELP? ADVICE? I need a way to delicately explain my views to my mother without her getting upset

Girlie1030

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-at-the-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3ad1e33e-ac89-4ef9-a80f-05237ef145b3Post:53460dc8-0284-4f1c-b4e6-8548b5ee4cb7">Babies at the bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]I got into a tiff with my mother this morning.... basically two of my bridesmaids (my cousins) are pregnant, one due in December and one due in May. I could not be more happy for them! The issue is... my mother thought I was being ridiculous when I said that I would not want the new babies to be at my bridal shower. Instead of being a bridal shower, it would turn into a baby extravaganza- we will be having lots of family and out of town guests who would probably be seeing the babies for the first time! I am aware of how selfish this sounds... but I also am upset thinking that the focus of my bridal shower would be babies. My cousins each had their own bridal and baby showers with the focus on them, and now I feel like it is my turn.  HELP? ADVICE? I need a way to delicately explain my views to my mother without her getting upself and calling me selfish again. 
Posted by krichards0527[/QUOTE]

But you are being selfish.  Yes, people may fuss over the babies but I promise you will still be the focus of the party. 

LDubHawksFan

You are being selfish.  Are both cousins traveling for this shower?  Even not, they will both be newborns, which require their mothers being around.  I would let them bring the babies.  Also, you you talking about this probably 9 months before this shower even happens.  Cross that bridge when it is closer.

Fancypantsamy

Do you ever watch 30 Rock? They make a joke about this unreasonable character being jealous of babies because they're cute and get more attention than her. It's played off as something only a crazy person would get upset about.

Seriously though, my cousin brought her brand new baby boy to my shower. My grandma, aunts and other cousins had never seen this baby before in person. Trust me, I still had the spotlight for the day.

achiduck

You are being very selfish and you need to get over it. There was a new baby at my SIL's shower that very few of the family had seen and of course he was cooed over a bit and passed around but the focus of the party was still the bride. 

Fancypantsamy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-at-the-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3ad1e33e-ac89-4ef9-a80f-05237ef145b3Post:46123c2c-a1f7-44c9-9e98-d839e0200995">Re: Babies at the bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]You are being very selfish and you need to get over it. There was a new baby at my SIL's shower that very few of the family had seen and of course he was cooed over a bit and passed around but the focus of the party was still the bride. 
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Achiduck - I liked having a new baby at my shower - since I was the bride, I got to call dibs on holding him first, haha.</div>

NOLAbridealmost

While I think your reasons are pretty deplorable, I don't see anything wrong with insisting on an adults-only shower, particularly if you're also having an adults-only wedding. 

*Shrugs*

achiduck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-at-the-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3ad1e33e-ac89-4ef9-a80f-05237ef145b3Post:de79df9e-2d9c-4b99-a210-6e9443efc83f">Re: Babies at the bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Babies at the bridal shower? : Achiduck - I liked having a new baby at my shower - since I was the bride, I got to call dibs on holding him first, haha.
Posted by Fancypantsamy[/QUOTE]
haha.. I totally would have done the same thing.

banana468

It's fine not to have babies at a shower.

That said, I think your reasoning is rather stupid.   If they're not there, do you think that will stop people from talking about them?   We're in the digital age now.   Even if you get away with no babies, those moms are going to pull out telephones  that are chock full of baby pics that load up their facebook and email feeds.   Are you going to stop the relatives from talking to the new moms?   Even FIL shows off DD to complete strangers since he stores photos of her on his iPhone.

My point: your shower will be great but you can't be the center of ALL attention.   People are going to talk to each other and will have fun catching up completely without you.   They might even talk to each other while you open gifts and that conversation may have zero to do with the knife block that is sitting in your lap.

Have an adult event if you want one but don't expect the conversation and all attention to be on you all the time.

lyndausvi

You are jealous of babies?  Even worse babies who are not even born yet?

I'm all for adult only parties, but your reason is beyond stupid.  

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-at-the-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3ad1e33e-ac89-4ef9-a80f-05237ef145b3Post:f11d1a1e-5d5a-47cf-84fb-201eba14bd19">Re: Babies at the bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]You are jealous of babies?  Even worse babies who are not even born yet? I'm all for adult only parties, but your reason is beyond stupid.  
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

^ this

arendiva

It's fine to not want babies at the shower (I wouldn't either). Their dads can watch them for a couple hours. But your reason is kinda silly.

shannie11

I feel the same way as you.  It is your day not theirs.  The dads can watch their own kids while mom goes out.

krichards0527

Thanks. Like I said, I was aware that my feeling of  'no babies at the shower' is selfish.  Its not that I dont like kids- I am a teacher! And its not that I am not excited for my cousins or super excited about the babies... I am beyond thrilled. I just have this nagging feeling that it will feel like a post-baby shower than a bridal shower. I'll let it go, I guess. 

Miss_2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-at-the-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3ad1e33e-ac89-4ef9-a80f-05237ef145b3Post:6d6768bb-75bc-4190-ba2b-2cf8bd4a090a">Re: Babies at the bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's fine to not want babies at the shower (I wouldn't either). Their dads can watch them for a couple hours. But your reason is kinda silly.
Posted by arendiva[/QUOTE]

Unless they are breastfed and not able to pump (or the dad is working of course).  Or maybe the moms just don't want to be away from their newborns early on like that.  Or the moms could just say "screw the shower, here is my card, pass it onto the bride".  Its not always as easy as put a bottle in a kid's mouth and let the dad's deal with it. 

The reasoning is selfish.  Let them take the the children to a shower that is pretty far out and not worth talking about just yet....or risk 2 family members not attending.  I recently didn't attend my friend's shower because I had child responsibilities to which she said "sure you can leave them for 2 hours" (stepkids I only see every couple of weeks).  Actually, no, I value my time with them seeing as it is limited - thanks for the invite, here is a gift in my absence, enjoy, see you at your wedding. 

dancingthrulife

I don't think they'd steal your show. They'll get some ooh-and-aah time, but everyone knows what the party's all about, and the benefit of newborns is there's a decent chance they'll be sleeping most of the time anyway.

My 2-year-old niece was at my shower, got fussed over, and spent a good part of the time parading around carrying the balloons (including the one next to my chair!). The thing is, I still got fussed over WAY more--and she is objectively cuter than me!

Ali092011

My one year old nephew was at my bridal shower. I wasn't thrilled when I found out he was coming, because he's walking now and I was afraid it would just be a disaster. He was a little cranky because he wanted to run around the restaurant and refused to sit in his high chair. But things worked out fine.

Newborns will likely have no impact on your shower. They will sleep most of the time, and there will probably be just a little cooing over them before all eyes are on you.