Wedding Etiquette Forum

Am I being unreasonable?

So, a very close friend of mine is getting married this year.  I love her to death and we practically grew up together.  Originally her and her fiance stated they can't afford a really big wedding and are going to have a small affair because they'd rather save for a house...Well how the times have changed since they said that a few months ago.

They are now throwing a big wedding, having invited almost 200 people.  The're paying the whole thing themselves (aside from about $1500 the groom's mom chipped in).  Now here's where I'm getting a little upset.  They've basically, in a "subtle" way, been asking for money for everything!  They want a photobooth and have tasked the best man and groomsmen with researching and PAYING for it because according to them, it's traditional for them to assist in planning, etc, etc etc.  Then at the bridal party they were asking for donations toward the honeymoon...this one was OK because they raffled off tickets for small prizes (which were given to them for free, but I digress). 

Now made of honor is asking all the guests for the bachelorette party to help pay and she doesn't even have anything planned but sent out invites!  So far, we'll just be going to male strip club and "we'll see where the night takes us".  I'm part of the bridal party and would have been more than happy to assist, besides, if anyone should help financially then I think it's the bridal party...You don't invite guests to a celebration and ask them to chip in, right?

Then the invites!  They're basically asking for money in lieu of gifts, which I personally think is tacky no matter what.

Those of us close to the bride and groom are pretty upset, we know they're basically trying to break even by asking for money instead of gifts.  They are also going to have a money dance.  Their close friends and some family are just appalled!  We think it seems like they want this big wedding and they are hoping we'll help pay for it in the end. 

Am I being unreasonable or do I have the right to be upset?

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

  • I'd probably be giving them the side-eye on a few things, but I don't think I would take it personally or really let it upset me.  Like PP, you can't control their actions.  You can only control how you react so just try to make the best of it.
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  • She sounds pretty ridiculous (minus the bachelorette party part) - however, it's not going to reflect badly on you.  AND if you don't agree with her money grabbing ways, then make sure to wrap up a nice gift (lose the gift receipt) and don't give her money. 
  • ngmez- I noticed that your from LA, and I know this is random but I think I might know the couple you are talking about. Are they by chance getting married in October?

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-being-unreasonable-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b16d495-8f63-4eb8-b1c2-6256d47034f9Post:88be886d-b347-4805-8ae7-7b91f0a45594">Re: Am I being unreasonable?</a>:
    [QUOTE]She sounds pretty ridiculous (minus the bachelorette party part) - however, it's not going to reflect badly on you.  AND if you don't agree with her money grabbing ways, then make sure to wrap up a nice gift<strong> <font color="#800000">(lose the gift receipt)</font></strong> and don't give her money. 
    Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]

    Awesome idea!
  • No you are not being unreasonable.  Very tacky on her part.  And kind of sad.  Wonder how many people will actually show up to the wedding.
  • Totally ridiculous IMO.

    Exctp the Bachelorette.  Every bachelorette party I have ever been to, everyone pays their way and chips in for the bride.  I have always expected to pay to go to a b-party.  I dont think the maid of honor should be expected to buy a dress and shoes, throw a wedding shower AND throw a bachelorette party all on their own dime. Technically they dont have to do any of these things, but usually do.  The b-party is the one exception in which you CAN ask guests to pitch in.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-being-unreasonable-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b16d495-8f63-4eb8-b1c2-6256d47034f9Post:d7887e58-6577-46d8-92e4-497de0f9dd22">Re: Am I being unreasonable?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have no problem chipping in for the bachelorette party.  As long as it is reasonable.  But the rest of the stuff is just silly.  To avoid any problems, I would just say no and not get into why you are saying no.  It still amazes me that people can be that rude......
    Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

    Agreed!
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  • Wow, thanks everyone!  And thanks for the infor on the bachelorette party, I didn't know the protocol on that one. 

    People should just have the kind of wedding they can afford.
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