Wedding Etiquette Forum
Options

Catty Bridesmaids, Maid of Honor woes and all that jazz.

Well, my best friend isn't too happy. I asked both her and my younger sister to share the title of Maid of Honor. The choice was too hard and both are still working Grad students so I thought it would not only be easier money wise, but they could split responsibilites, etc. When I brought this to my best friend, she broke down. Crying. I had no idea what to do. I knew she wasn't going to be thrilled about the idea but I thought she would understand. I mean, if I wanted to take the traditional route, I'd just go with my sister. Not only that but she is SO upset that I asked one of my friends (whom she doesn't like) to be one of my bridesmaids. She was actually giving me reasons why I shouldnt have her in my wedding. It really upset me. This is suppose to be my day and I feel like she's making thigns into issues that just shouldn't be. She's been kind of distant for a few weeks and I don't know what the best way to bring this up to her. I want to let her know that her distance is hurting my feelings. I need her, and want her to be a part of all of this but she's acting like a child.

How would you go about this?
us Wedding Countdown Ticker White Knot

Re: Catty Bridesmaids, Maid of Honor woes and all that jazz.

  • Options
    emeejeeayenemeejeeayen member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited November 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_catty-bridesmaids-maid-of-honor-woes-and-all-that-jazz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b654edf-332c-4c40-b626-4244b0e5b14ePost:118dcf24-3a8b-4edc-81ba-9f536b6b5c6f">Catty Bridesmaids, Maid of Honor woes and all that jazz.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, my best friend isn't too happy. I asked both her and my younger sister to share the title of Maid of Honor. The choice was too hard and both are still working Grad students so I thought it would not only be easier money wise, but they could split responsibilites, etc. When I brought this to my best friend, she broke down. Crying. I had no idea what to do. I knew she wasn't going to be thrilled about the idea but I thought she would understand. I mean, if I wanted to take the traditional route, I'd just go with my sister. Not only that but she is SO upset that I asked one of my friends (whom she doesn't like) to be one of my bridesmaids. She was actually giving me reasons why I shouldnt have her in my wedding. It really upset me. This is suppose to be my day and I feel like she's making thigns into issues that just shouldn't be. She's been kind of distant for a few weeks and I don't know what the best way to bring this up to her. I want to let her know that her distance is hurting my feelings. I need her, and want her to be a part of all of this but she's acting like a child. How would you go about this?
    Posted by ftrmrsklepper[/QUOTE]

    <div>FYI, your MOH doesn't have to do anything other than buy a dress... presumably they won't be sharing a dress?</div><div>
    </div><div>ETA: your friend has no right to tell you who should be in your bridal party. That's cray cray.</div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker whatshouldwecallweddings.tumblr.com
  • Options
    Your friend sounds controlling and childish.  Tell her that you've made your decision about who you've decided to ask, and that you'll thank her to drop it.

    If she's uncomfortable sharing the MOH title, she can be a BM or a guest.  
  • Options
    It never ceases to amaze me how crazy people get over weddings.  In any other circumstances, your average person is a polite and nice soul.  Add 'wedding' to the equation, then it's all "OMG ME ME ME ME!!!!!!!"  It doesn't matter if it's not even their own wedding.

    Ignore your friend's pouting.  She's doing it for attention, and that kind of behavior shouldn't be reinforced with fretting and cooing.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • Options
    I was thinking about having two MOH, but decided against it, and judging by your friend's reaction, I might have made the right decision.  Just talk to her about it - it will probably be an awkward conversation, but clearly and calmly state why things are the way they are in your wedding, and hopefully she will get on board.  Your friend sounds a little overly emotional - maybe there is something more to it and that is why she is acting a bit irrational?

  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_catty-bridesmaids-maid-of-honor-woes-and-all-that-jazz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b654edf-332c-4c40-b626-4244b0e5b14ePost:53b32873-813c-4292-ba4e-9d3329fe6689">Re: Catty Bridesmaids, Maid of Honor woes and all that jazz.</a>:
    [QUOTE] If she's uncomfortable sharing the MOH title, she can be a BM or a guest.  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    I like this advice.  I asked my two BFs (one from HS one from college) to be co-MOHs and they were awesome about it.  H was a co-BM for his good friend with their third college roomate.  It shouldn't be an insult to be asked to share the MOH position; especially not with your sister.  She should also respect the fact that you have a friendship with the 3rd girl that she doesn't like - she doesn't have to be BFFs with your whole bridal party - just you.
  • Options
    Um. I've been in one of these weddings where the MOH was piiiiiiiissed to share the title with the bride's sister.  That was the reaction that pointed out the character failing that led to the bride to eventually de-friend the former MOH (years after the wedding).

    I'm with others, people shouldn't react in this controlling way over a title ESPECIALLY when it is being shared with a sister.

    Be afraid...
  • Options
    Ridiculous! 

    Let her know that you will not tolerate her behavior. Remind her that being asked to be a wedding party attendant (Maid of Honor or Bridesmaid) is meant as an honor to those closest to the Bride. Point out the fact that you didn't choose between her and your own sister... which is a pretty big statement in itself, but that her bratty and selfish behavior is over shadowing it.

    Then tell her to mind her own business about the other Bridesmaid. It's not her concern who you choose, because it's not her wedding. If she continues to have a problem with you and your wedding choices then let her know that she can attend as a guest. 

    Show her how offended you are by her behavior. Don't let her steamroll you or ruin your wedding plans. A true friend would not act like this. Ask her what is really going on with her, because your wedding is surely not the problem... just what she is projecting onto.

    Anniversary
  • Options
    aquari0216aquari0216 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited November 2012
    Let that B know that you are offended....it is Not her day and she needs to get over herself....id expect you to be supportive of her decisions if the roles were switched....i have the same two MOHs as you and they love the decision...and I'm so tired of ppl saying their only responsibility is to buy their dress and be there....there is DEFINITELY more to it....
    ****The Future Mrs. Ikeard**** wedding countdown
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_catty-bridesmaids-maid-of-honor-woes-and-all-that-jazz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b654edf-332c-4c40-b626-4244b0e5b14ePost:dd092f64-3989-402f-a9ff-d57dde105190">Re: Catty Bridesmaids, Maid of Honor woes and all that jazz.</a>:
    [QUOTE]My sister and best friend were my only BMs and they did share the title of MOH. My sister did the speech, but they knew they shared it and that's why I only asked the two of them. No one threw a fit, which I imagine is because my friend is not a brat.  Tell your friend that she's being childish and that you will not be un-asking the other girl to be in your WP. Your decision is final. Furthermore, you could play stupid and say something like "Oh, I'm sorry, is being co-MOH too much work? I don't want to stress you out, would you prefer to be just a BM?" 
    Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]

    I like this. I'm going to give it a few weeks and see what happens. My sister was perfectly ok with the decision. I expected the same from her but I guess I was wrong.
    us Wedding Countdown Ticker White Knot
  • Options
    In Response to Re:Catty Bridesmaids, Maid of Honor woes and all that jazz.:[QUOTE]Let that B know that you are offended....it is Not her day and she needs to get over herself....id expect you to be supportive of her decisions if the roles were switched....i have the same two MOHs as you and they love the decision...and I'm so tired of ppl saying their only responsibility is to buy their dress and be there....there is DEFINITELY more to it.... Posted by aquari0216[/QUOTE]
    Please stop giving horrible advice.

    photo fancy-as-fuck.jpg
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_catty-bridesmaids-maid-of-honor-woes-and-all-that-jazz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b654edf-332c-4c40-b626-4244b0e5b14ePost:a3650dc7-8b05-4cb0-85ad-b32c60abd68c">Re:Catty Bridesmaids, Maid of Honor woes and all that jazz.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Let that B know that you are offended....it is Not her day and she needs to get over herself....id expect you to be supportive of her decisions if the roles were switched....i have the same two MOHs as you and they love the decision...and I'm so tired of ppl saying their only responsibility is to buy their dress and be there....there is DEFINITELY more to it....
    Posted by aquari0216[/QUOTE]

    There shouldn't be more. <strong>No one says a friend needs to become a slave in order to be honored by a friend. </strong>
    And, you should really get a copy of <em>The Elements of Style </em>by Strunk & White. They have great advice over the use of proper word usage, improper capitalization, contractions, and the use (or in this case, over-use) of elipses. You need their help. But, you should really lurk on the e-board to find advice on giving advice because you need the help of other posters because you don't know much about etiquette.
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Options
    I have to disagree - there is more to being a bridesmaid than just buying the dress and showing up on the wedding day.  They have to be there for you, and be your support group if you need it.  They don't have to be slaves, but these are the girls that you are asking to help you out.  Hey, you might not end up needing their help, but at least you know that they have agreed to have your back if you do end up needing them for some things.  If this bridesmaid isn't acting like she is someone who has your interest and your wedding's interest at heart, then she needs to be talked to, as other people have said. 

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards