We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs

J&K10910

Or maybe people just want to have a really nice party to celebrate a major milestone in their lives.  WTF does it matter to you?  You're not paying for it.

mbody

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:d5d48556-73d3-429d-969d-552255d2c6af">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs : Well, only 20 people who were reading my Facebook posts about the wedding weren't invited. But I can see what you mean. I guess even if it's a small number of people reading my posts and feeling excluded, it's still not very nice.  No no, I am genuinely interested in people's perspective on etiquette, even if I don't agree. Well, perhaps you are right. But it seems that <strong>most of what people do regarding wedding etiquette comes across as a desperate attempt to present a much higher class standing than they are. </strong>I can't help but notice. It's like "Yeah, who are you kidding?" to see the formal 20-component wedding invites, etc. 
Posted by VegasCalling[/QUOTE]
This is absurd. Etiquette and Socioeconomic status have nothing to do with each other. 

em01092

Etiquette is about the comfort and proper treatment of your guests, not acting like you're a millionaire. You can have 10 people at your wedding and reception, spend any sum of money, and keep it simple, yet there are still certain protocols that should still be followed regardless. You can properly treat and host your guests on a budget of $500 or well less, depending on how simple you make the wedding and reception. 

Sure, a great deal of people spend a lot of money on a wedding, and perhaps some of them are spending outside of their means to throw a kick asss party. Not my business if someone takes out a loan to have a 30K wedding. Would I do it or suggest it? No way, but hey, if it happens, whatever. 

As PPs mentioned, it's rude to talk about your wedding with people that are not invited, as you did by posting a link on your FB profile. You have opened yourself up to lots of awkward conversation now, such as people asking if they can come. It may not happen, but just be prepared. I would remove that and then apologize to anyone not invited who contacts you. Say it was an accident. 

As for the snail mail thing, it's just something most people do for a formal event like a wedding. Most people seem to look at is as deserving something "special" or more formal these days, since your avergae BBQ gets a FB event page or just rounded up by phone calls/emails. Honestly I would not clutch my pearls if someone invited me to a wedding over the phone, granted it was super small and casual, but I'm sorry, I think FB is a tacky tool to use. Same for emails, unless its for your STDs. One of FI's GMs called him up last year and said he was getting married at the courthouse the next day, did we want to come? We said sure. 

Gabrielle76

I don't think you've hurt yourself as much as you would have if you had a huge facebook.  You mentioned only having 20 or so facebook friends, which works in your favor.  Write down all of their names, along with the names of all the family members you are inviting.  You need to know for each person weather they are coming or not. 
Assuming you are hosting these people at a reception of some kind (not to do so would be a tremendous violation of etiquette), you will need to know how many people are coming so you know how many people you will be feeding/hosting.  Formal invitations with RSVP cards make that much easier, because you get a piece of paper saying for sure weather people are coming or not.  Just make sure you have a method of keeping track of who is coming and who is not. 
Also, I don't understand your judgement of people who spend significantly on their weddings.  As long as you don't go into debt, and have what you can afford, what's the problem?

VegasCalling

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:545fa3a9-0e10-4481-acb3-df47c0d5e060">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]OP you posted last night that you are planning on having a Vegas DW and you are (maybe were now) upset that a lot of family wouldn't be making it. Are you posting this on facebook just to have more people there? Also, are you hosting a reception? b/c if you are, you'll probably need to have a solid number of RSVPs- and getting them word of mouth, facebook, e-mail, ect. just doesn't seem like it will cut it. But I think you're pretty set so I'm not sure what exactly you were trying to get/learn out of this post. 
Posted by mbody[/QUOTE]

<div>Well, in answer to your first question, I kind of impulsively posted on Facebook because I realized that if many family members didn't even care to attend, then why did I ever worry about giving them the "A-list" treatment in the first place? I doubt the friends who are now invited will be able or willing to make it either, but maybe I was wrong in assuming they had less of a right to be included from the beginning. </div><div>Regarding the last part of your post, I've been thinking about sending out paper invites, even though I think sending out paper of any sort is dated. But if paper invites will help us get a firm headcount, regardless of how dated "paper anything" is, then I guess it would be self-defeating not to send them.  </div>

J&K10910

Quite a few wedding traditions are "dated."  Are you ridiculously against all of those, too?

Gabrielle76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:86c88602-6ec0-4f43-b8b5-fba9b3068407">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs : Etiquette isn't an opinion.  It is a stated fact.
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]
Ditto this.  It's not something people have an opinion or perspective on, like, "should I get a red or green car", it's more like "should I drive on the proper side of the road today or not?"

mbody

In regard to inviting people to a wedding via FB, e-mail, evite, ect vs. a formal snail mail invite...

I don't think I'd take the electronic invite seriously. I'd probably forget about it. When I don't receive anything in the mail, I'd assume that I wasn't actually invited and not go. 

Gabrielle76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:bec978ac-4b7a-4edf-8efb-d9be06cde17f">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs : Well, in answer to your first question, I kind of impulsively posted on Facebook because I realized that if many family members didn't even care to attend, then why did I ever worry about giving them the "A-list" treatment in the first place? I doubt the friends who are now invited will be able or willing to make it either, but maybe I was wrong in assuming they had less of a right to be included from the beginning.  Regarding the last part of your post, I've been thinking about sending out paper invites, even though I think sending out paper of any sort is dated. But if paper invites will help us get a firm headcount, regardless of how dated "paper anything" is, then I guess it would be self-defeating not to send them.  
Posted by VegasCalling[/QUOTE]

There shouldn't be an 'a list' or a 'b list', there should just be 'guests you invite'.  It's rude to rank people and invite some only when others can't come. 

VegasCalling

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:86c88602-6ec0-4f43-b8b5-fba9b3068407">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs : Etiquette isn't an opinion.  It is a stated fact.
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]

<div>Etiquette is absolutely an opinion, rather than stated fact. Etiquette is entirely subjective, fluid and varies by culture. </div>

em01092

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:bec978ac-4b7a-4edf-8efb-d9be06cde17f">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs : Well, in answer to your first question, I kind of impulsively posted on Facebook because I realized that if many family members didn't even care to attend, then why did I ever worry about giving them the "A-list" treatment in the first place? I doubt the friends who are now invited will be able or willing to make it either, but maybe I was wrong in assuming they had less of a right to be included from the beginning.  Regarding the last part of your post, I've been thinking<strong> about sending out paper invites, even though I think sending out paper of any sort is dated. But if paper invites will help us get a firm headcount, regardless of how dated "paper anything" is, then I guess it would be self-defeating not to send them.  </strong>
Posted by VegasCalling[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I think you should at least send paper invitations. You <em>could</em> do phone/email/wedding website RSVPs rather than paper, but it's not as formal and you could be causing yourself way more headache. At first, I was set on this, since our wedding is small-ish and not super formal, but after seeing how glitchy the Knot site can be and since some of our guests aren't tech saavy, I decided against it. 

</div>

Gabrielle76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:c8fa3ec5-6df0-42e6-afdf-32a3d7cb7d41">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs : Etiquette is absolutely an opinion, rather than stated fact. Etiquette is entirely subjective, fluid and varies by culture. 
Posted by VegasCalling[/QUOTE]
Etiquette is not subjective, it varies from culture to culture, of course, but that doesn't make it ok to ignore the etiquette of the culture you live in.  For that culture, it is a stated fact. 

mbody

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:bec978ac-4b7a-4edf-8efb-d9be06cde17f">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs : Well, in answer to your first question, I kind of impulsively posted on Facebook because I realized that if many family members didn't even care to attend, then why did I ever worry about giving them the "A-list" treatment in the first place? I doubt the friends who are now invited will be able or willing to make it either, but maybe I was wrong in assuming they had less of a right to be included from the beginning.  Regarding the last part of your post, I've been thinking about sending out paper invites, even though I think sending out paper of any sort is dated. But if paper invites will help us get a firm headcount, regardless of how dated "paper anything" is, then I guess it would be self-defeating not to send them.  
Posted by VegasCalling[/QUOTE]
My advice would be to send out paper invites. I think your friends will take them more seriously than a random FB post with your wedding website and a "more the merrier." To me, that's not an actual invite. 

ootmother2

Okay, I think it's time to stop feeding the troll.  She's not that original anyhow

em01092

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:c8fa3ec5-6df0-42e6-afdf-32a3d7cb7d41">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs : Etiquette is absolutely an opinion, rather than stated fact. Etiquette is entirely <strong>subjective, fluid and varies by culture. </strong>
Posted by VegasCalling[/QUOTE]

<div>Right, but come on. We aren't dealing with your hypothetical in laws from Japan or something. If you had a valid cultural reason for us to consider something that would be uncommon or against Western etiquette, fine. You can't use this as an excuse to justify what you did though. </div>

J&K10910

Awwww, wook at the wittle baby seals!  I NEED ONE.

VegasCalling

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:3d567f7a-c519-40f8-a7aa-f7863ee8f754">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]Quite a few wedding traditions are "dated."  Are you ridiculously against all of those, too?
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

<div>We are against most of the dated wedding traditions (e.g., veils, father "giving" the bride to the groom as property, white dress symbolizing the bride's sexual purity, etc.), and we're not including them in our event, but I'd use the term "vehemently" rather than "ridiculously". </div>

em01092

et·i·quette/ˈetikit/Noun:The customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group.

J&K10910

Whatcha reading, Chrissy?

em01092

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:59e69eed-d495-41d0-9216-3bc8359f3a59">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs : We are against most of the dated wedding traditions (e.g., veils, father "giving" the bride to the groom as property, white dress symbolizing the bride's sexual purity, etc.), and we're not including them in our event, but I'd use the term "vehemently" rather than "ridiculously". 
Posted by VegasCalling[/QUOTE]

<div>But see these are different IMO. None of these are going to put your guests out and can't be considered rude. People might disagree with you or whatever, but their comfort and needs are not affected by these decisions. They are your right, 100%. </div>

J&K10910

I've always wanted to read that, but I just haven't yet.  I should.  I should find it and download it to my Kindle right now.

J&K10910

A white dress doesn't signal "purity."  It signals wealth (or did, traditionally), but clearly you'd be against it for that signification too, so I guess it doesn't matter!

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:90ccdd06-46db-4595-9c22-1179f406e5b4">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]I've always wanted to read that, but I just haven't yet.  I should.  I should find it and download it to my Kindle right now.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]


Did you like "The Fountainhead"?

For some odd reason, I was thinking about it thismorning

VegasCalling

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:43bef4ea-2f20-49c2-9d15-3b5172b51f24">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs : Actually things that differ culture to culture are called cultural differences and traditions.  <strong>Etiquette is universal.  If you are from India, Australia, America, Bangladesh, where ever there are certain things one must do.  That is called etiquette. </strong>Also as one PP mentioned, etiquette is making sure all of your guests are comfortable (maybe that was another thread).  A good host/ess makes everyone feel comfortable.
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]
Well the <em>concept</em> of etiquette is universal. I would agree with that. But what is considered "good" etiquette is culturally determined and therefore subjective. 

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:e043969e-8f2c-40d6-bb37-7edee3d87a6f">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]We're talking about Ayn Rand now, OP.  Keep up. Atlas Shurgged is by far my favorite book.  :)
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]

That's funny.  I found that one hard to get into.  I think I spent 3 months on the beach trying to read it!

VegasCalling

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:c024566d-32a9-45d9-8a07-18aee1156aee">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>A white dress doesn't signal "purity."  It signals wealth</strong> (or did, traditionally), but clearly you'd be against it for that signification too, so I guess it doesn't matter!
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

<div>Apparently, you are right about the original signifying wealth. But apparently I am also right about it signifiying purity. From Wikipedia:</div><div><em><span style="color:#000000;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:19px;text-align:-webkit-auto;background-color:#ffffff;">
</span></em></div><div><em><span style="color:#000000;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:19px;text-align:-webkit-auto;background-color:#ffffff;">"Etiquette books then began to turn the practice into a </span><a style="color:#0b0080;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:#ffffff;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:19px;text-align:-webkit-auto;" rel="nofollow" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tradition" title="Tradition">tradition</a><span style="color:#000000;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:19px;text-align:-webkit-auto;background-color:#ffffff;"> and the white gown soon became a popular symbol of status that also carried "a connotation of innocence and sexual purity."</span></em><sup style="line-height:1em;color:#000000;font-family:sans-serif;text-align:-webkit-auto;background-color:#ffffff;" class="reference"><a style="color:#0b0080;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:initial;white-space:nowrap;" rel="nofollow" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_wedding#cite_note-Vicky-1"><em>[</em>2]</a></sup><span style="color:#000000;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:19px;text-align:-webkit-auto;background-color:#ffffff;"> </span> </div>

VegasCalling

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:e043969e-8f2c-40d6-bb37-7edee3d87a6f">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>We're talking about Ayn Rand now, OP.</strong>  Keep up. Atlas Shurgged is by far my favorite book.  :)
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Well, I am clearly offended. Aren't you all breaking internet board etiquette by doing so?</div>

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:729c0bcc-61a0-4f8d-a529-a8eb55cca1fd">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]J, you can have a baby seal but only if you promise not to take it clubbing.  Those little boogers get way out of hand.  Doing body shots, hooking up in the bathrooms...<strong>you should just keep it home and let it watch Masterpiece Theatre. </strong>
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

<div>But Eagles, it's a solidly middle class baby seal - wouldn't making it watch Masterpiece Theatre just be forcing it to pretend to be classier than it is?</div>

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:687812ab-2ecb-4717-b5f1-41491fe6695d">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs : No, the baby seal wants to better itself so that it can have a pretentious, traditional wedding when it grows up. 
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

<div>I spent three hours today putting my stupid (yet awesome) invitations together.  Damn me and my pretentious ways.  Obviously I should've just put my wedding info on blast on Facebook.  Someone should warn that baby seal that traditional wedding invitations are so not worth it when you cheap out and decide to put them together yourself.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA:  If any of my posting makes no sense, it's because I've spent too many hours using glue today.  </div>

Meghannsix

My favorite Ayn Rand was Anthem, fascintating but a quick read.

And FWIW, our wedding is costing about 1/10th of our combined incomes, and will be fabulous.