Are we being ridiculous? Long--sorry

ARod22

d

sep72fendr

Yes. Very long.

Cliff notes: "Close friend has same day wedding. Mutual friend "Bill" wants to go to both. Feeling betrayed by both parties involved. Wants to stake a claim on "Bill" to go to her wedding. Help, what should I do?"


My advice: Send the invite anyway. Don't worry about it. When the time comes your friend will go where they want to go and you will be so busy with your own day that you may not even notice 1 person out of place. Who cares if they chose the same day. Your day is what is important, let them worry about theirs. Just bask in the glory that is your wedding and have fun. Don't sweat the small stuff.

quotequeen

You need to get over this.  People skip the ceremony and just go to the reception all the time, for various reasons.  Most of them are much worse than trying to make two weddings on the same day (e.g., thinking that ceremonies are just boring).  Your friend is trying to do what he thinks is best, and attend portions of two weddings that he cares about - there is no reason for you to be mad at him about that.

sep72fendr

Do you know all the details of their situation? If you don't, then you really can't call "bytch" on her for choosing that date. It might have significance for them etc etc etc. Yeah, it sucks. No doubt. Yeah, you can be pissed about it. But in the end, is it really going to matter? Will being upset about their choosing of a date make your life and your fi's any better? If you know that she chose that date out of spite, then yes, you have every right to be pissed; but if it was for any other reason, then there really can't be a justifiable reason to be extremely bent out of shape.
Wallow about it for a week, then get over it and realize that your day will be more awesome than theirs because it is "your day". Make it your own and run with it. Don't let the small shyt get to you.

nda_roxybabe

I'd be frustrated. Do you have anything booked yet?

katiewhompus

I would much rather have a friend come to celebrate with us at the reception only than not celebrate with us at all. In fact one of my friends was late to the ceremony because she could not get out of work, but was able to attend the reception. I didn't look at it as "she doesn't like me enough to see the ceremony but likes me enough to party", I was just happy to have her there.

I think you are getting the better end of the deal by having the friend come to the reception. Yes he's missing the ceremony, but you are going to be able to celebrate with him, while the other friend will not. She may not even know he was there for the ceremony in all honesty.

The other bride does kind of suck for not choosing a different day, but you can't change that.

Fwiw, My boss almost did not let me take off for my wedding because shiit came up at work and I was needed. I threatened to not come back after the wedding and he let me have the time off. It happens.

sep72fendr

Hmm... I really don't know what else to say then. I've said my peace and hope it was a bit helpful. Good luck with figuring it out dear! Things will work out in the end the way they are supposed to.

PharmacyBride

I think you have every right to be annoyed the other couple picked your date.. but you don't know their circumstances... it could have very well have been the only day.  Maybe they have a sibling in the Marines on deployment.. maybe the Church she has been going to all her life had limited dates available.  If they had other dates available.. and still picked yours.. yes.. that is very annoying.. but quite simply.. they may not have had a choice.  What would their recourse be.. to not get married this year and wait until next year?  Their marriage is important too.. and many people hate the idea of long (1+ yr engagements), myself included, and the simple fact that you had a long engagement doesn't prevent them from still being allowed to marry.

As to mutual friends- please don't punish them or dictate they aren't welcome if they can only come to the tail end of your festivities.  Do you think they want to be running around all day trying to attend two affairs?!?!  Some of your guests may have work or other obligations or weddings to go to ... they will try to attend what they can to celebrate your day with you.. but they are only human.  Don't take your frustrations out on any mutual friends.

Cliff notes: okay to be annoyed/frustrated.. but only to a point.. this really may have been their only option.  Don't take these frustrations out on your mutual friends!

MissLeahM

The tactful way would to not address it. When someone tells you that they were invited to both, you tell them that you hope they can make it but understand if they cannot. 

Edit: Opps I meant don't bring it up unless someone else brings it up. Don't confront the bride, because that would be beyond rude.

sep72fendr

MissLeah speaks words of wisdom: Let it be.

rachaelb16

I would be annoyed if a friend chose the same wedding date.  I think that the friend who is going to her ceremony and your reception is doing the right thing.  It is very thoughtful of him to do what he can to celebrate both marriages.  I agree with the pp that you are getting the better end of the deal, you wouldn't even be able to speak to him at your ceremony. 

katiewhompus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_being-ridiculous-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c116c90-1b37-4172-aaa4-3702a08fb68ePost:215c97b9-60fa-402e-a827-3454d5215a93">Re: Are we being ridiculous? Long--sorry</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't fully know the circumstances, but what she told us was that it was work related. I would never punish or dictate what my friends should do.  My question was... what is the tactful way to address this issue when it comes up? 
Posted by ARod22[/QUOTE]

You tell him that you can't wait to see him, even if he will be coming a little bit late and thank him for spending the day driving between the two weddings.

lharri12

Sure, I'd be annoyed with the other bride.  However, there's nothing you can do about that.  She obviously won't be able to attend your wedding, and you can't attend hers.  You're going to have to get over it.
Moving on.  You can't tell your mutual friend that he has to choose one wedding or the other.  It sounds like he wants to be a part of both of your big days, and he's doing the best he can.  Besides, lots of people skip the ceremony altogether, and lots of people are late for weddings.  FI and I went to a wedding Friday afternoon, and we sat down just before the processional began.  We obviously had to turn around to see the wedding party walking down the aisle.  After the ceremony ended, I was surprised to turn around again and see about 8 people (2 or 3 different groups of people) sitting behind us, and they definitely weren't there during the processional!  I didn't even hear them come in late.  It happens.  Be grateful that he is willing to make a very hectic day out of it so he can help you celebrate as much as he can.

Kristin789

Her wedding is supposed to be on Saturday night or on Sunday night after 5:00 p.m. - see below. 

Jewish weddings are both beautiful and elegant. Jewish weddings usually take place on Saturday after sunset due to the observance of the Sabbath. Or, they take place on Sunday starting at about five o’clock in the afternoon most likely in order not to compete with Sunday morning and Sunday afternoon church services and picnics.

coleandalexia2010

I'd be annoyed at first, but you're going to have to accept it at some point. And like PP have said, it's better to have someone show up late to celebrate with you than not at all. You are really not even going to realize who showed up at one time anyway. It's going to be such a blur. 

ehathewa

I understand your being hurt.  A very good friend of mine chose her date about a month after me and... ta-da!  it is the same day as ours.  We are inviting about 50 of the same people.  I feel bad for the guests that have to choose.  I am mostly sad that I cannot go to my friend's wedding.  I would have liked to support her and see her get married. 

My suggestion is to just get over it.  Yeah, it sucks, bu there isn't anything you can do about it.  Talking to the friend won't do anything... aside from maybe make it more awkward. 

As for your mutual friend, I think that if he chooses to go to one ceremony and the other reception, that will probably make him feel best... he won't have feel like he is choosing friends. 

squirrly

Annoyed, perhaps.  Upset?  I wouldn't waste the energy on it.  NBD.  And, as for your friend - he's trying to be part of both weddings.  Give him credit, not grief. 

Is there any chance you could adjust your start time?  Have your ceremony start at 3 pm instead of 2:30?

And, as for your FI - he needs to not say anything to the other couple.  That would be completely inappropriate.

marisah83

It is annoying that she chose the same date, but I can absolutely believe that some bosses are really that bad about not allowing people to take a lot of time off, depending on the job. 

As for the friend who will try to attend both, give him a break, seriously.  I can imagine that he feels that he is in a really tough position, and it sounds like he is trying his best to support and celebrate with both of you.  Honestly, you won't even miss him at the ceremony, and you're lucky that he picked your reception so at least you can talk to him.

Beachy730

If this is as good a friend as you said, then yes I would be upset too.  When we had to bump up our date, we asked our church and reception site that we really wanted to give us a list of available dates.  There was only 2 that matched, one was the date we picked, and the other was 1 week before a good friends wedding.  We chose our date only for the fact that I didn't want to do that to my friend.  So yes I think its sh!tty that she would do that.  But there is nothing you can do about it now, so just accept that she won't be there and that you won't be at hers. 

As for this friend coming to both, don't say a word to him.  Trust me when I say that you are getting the good end of the deal.  You will now even know who comes to your ceremony.  I noticed some people sitting on the ends as I walked up the aisle, but other than that the only people i know who were there were ones I saw in the pictures.  However, I know everyone that was at the reception, and I was able to spend time with them and enjoy them being at my wedding.  So if he has to pick between your ceremony and reception then you are definitely better off with him being at the reception. 

Also, as a PP said, there will be many people who choose not to come to your ceremony for other reasons much worse, like they just don't want to sit through a ceremony.  This guy is going out of his way to rush back for your wedding, so cut him some slack.

reebsreebs

If your friend is having a Jewish wedding about 6-7 months from now, she is probably right, that it is the only day she can have it.

Contrary to what the above poster said, Jewish weddings don't all happen after 5 on Sunday, they are often brunch weddings or at any other time of day. They do not, however, happen between sunset friday and sunset saturday. There also is a prohibition against them happening around sunset on any day, so in spring, if sunset is around 6pm, they would not happen between 5 and 7pm. Additionally, Jewish weddings don't happen on Mondays.

They also do not happen for the 7 weeks after passover (which is called the Omer).  In 2011 Passover falls on April 20th, so no weddings can happen between then and mid June (with the exception of May 22nd, but that is a long story).

I'm still working on a date for mine for SPring, and it isn't easy.  Combine all the above with work schedules and the need for one of the few Kosher caterers to be free, and it can be hard to find a date!!

I agree with others, let it go and move on.

kristend72

I feel bad for the friends stuck in the middle of this. Was it a total douche move on the other bride's part? Absolutely. Not much of a friend to be like, "Thank goodness I had requested that day off to go to your wedding so now I can use it for my wedding!"

But, don't fault the friends stuck in the middle. I think it's sweet that the one friend is willing to rush off from her ceremony to make it to your party - when it would be much easier for him to just pick one and kick back and party there. The whole point is that he wants to celebrate both of your unions. I don't think he's just thinking that you'll have the better food or something.

I think your best bet may be to try to talk to her on how to make this work. Skip pointing out that it was a douche move and just go to, "I know that you're really excited to get married and that you just couldn't wait. But we do have a bit of a situation here and I'd like to know if you're interested in doing a little problem solving so that our friends don't feel caught in the middle and like they have to choose sides." Maybe she could do her ceremony a bit earlier and have a brunch? Maybe they could move closer to yours? Maybe you could invite some of the friends who are going to do the other wedding to your rehearsal dinner.

It's okay to be pissed and crabby for a bit and to complain to one of your friends for a bit (but not your FI, just try to build him up). But then, pull yourself together and look at this as an opportunity to be a bigger person. Tell the friends caught in the middle that you understand their predicament and that you'll support whatever they decide to do. I really think it would be nice if you would tell them if they can't make the wedding, to please come to the rehearsal dinner. Remember you want to come out of this with people thinking, "They really handled that with class."

Belle2Be

Look, the guy couldn't not even told you he was going to her ceremony and your reception and you'd be none the wiser. Let it go, appreciate that the friend is taking the time to drive so much just to join you both in your celebration.