Save the Dates: Separated Couple

emilyb213

Morning, girls!! I need some opinions on save the dates. We're finalizing our guest list so that we can prepare to send save the dates before the holidays.

Backstory: My uncle (mom's brother) separated from my aunt in July. She moved out, but they're still talking. She has since declined invitations to my sister's bridal shower and upcoming wedding. And, for what it's worth, I'm not particularly close to her (it's not a scenario where I'm so close to her that I'd invite her even if they were divorced).

So...when sending save the dates, should we just address it to my uncle? I know the etiquette vis-a-vis save the dates is that a save the date = invitation. My wedding is in June, and in the meantime, they could either formally divorce or get back together. Obviously, if they remain married (even if they are still separated), I would include her on the formal invitation, but is it okay, for the save-the-date to be sent to my uncle only?

msuprincess04

I think in this situation it's acceptable to send the save the date just to your uncle. If you address it to both, you may run into the sticky situation of sending a save the date to someone who may not get an invitation. Just send it to your uncle, and then you may invite your uncle with a plus one, or your aunt, when it's time to send out invitations.

itzMS

I had a similar situation. A cousin of mine was on the rocks with her husband and I didn't know the husband well. So, I sent the STD just addressed to my cousin.

Much to my surprise, when it came time for wedding invites, she and hubs were still together and came together to the wedding.

mandi195

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_save-the-dates-separated-couple?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3bb3d3-f050-426a-b57e-ad6c4b82bbdaPost:2f2ecc45-1bfd-4a83-b2ea-7c597031e598">Re: Save the Dates: Separated Couple</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think a STD is an invitation, it is a notice that an invitation will be coming.   I think send it to uncle, and decide later, with uncle's input, who should be invited. 
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

Just to clear this one up, a STD is considered the same as in invitation, as you must invite those you send a STD to. In the end, it's simply saying I'm going to invite you to my wedding, and thus the same as an invite. Obviously invitations get sent out later.

emilyb213

Thanks for the input, everyone!! I thought I'd be okay with just sending it to my uncle, but I wanted to be sure before sending them out.

KellyBrian2013

In Response to Re:Save the Dates: Separated Couple:[QUOTE]I do not agree with you that a STD is an invitation.nbsp; It isnbsp;not.nbsp; It is notification that an invitation will be coming.nbsp; That is why is it not rude not to have both names on it, if you think they will be seperated.nbsp;nbsp; Posted
by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

Stop giving advice on the E board you complete and total moron. Whether or not you think a STD is an invite is irelevant; if you send a STD to someone, they MUST BE INVITED to the wedding. No, it is not the formal invitation. But it IS a preinvite of sorts, letting people know that those named WILL be invited.

emilyb213

My computer is acting up and won't let me edit my post above, but...

NYU, sending a save the date and then not sending an invitation is rude. I'm not claiming to be Emily Post or anything, but it's definitely bad form to send a save the date and set the expection of an invitation if you're not 100% certain you're going to follow through with said invitation. And THAT is exactly why I wanted to make sure I was handling this situation with my uncle and his wife correctly.

Jen4948

I think that for invitation purposes a "separated couple" doesn't require treatment as a social unit per etiquette, although the emotional side of relationships would suggest that one be careful.

For purposes of your save-the-date, I'd send it only to your uncle.  If it later turns out that your aunt gets back together with him, then invite them as a couple.