Wedding Etiquette Forum

XP: So glad miles seperate us

Just venting. So the for the last 2 months my family have been more than patient and understanding and I biting my tounge at times, but today I almost came out of the box.

When this all started I was miffed a bit over the arrangents of DD FI family, got over it. So I thought. This is a DW for both sides fo the family. I had asked DD 6 weeks ago along with other of my family members asking her to see about room rates and blockng rooms. We were originaly told they would get us answers the next week. They didn't have the time, ok no biggie, weeks went by. I suggested DD to assign that duty to someone else she said no she will do it. They went on vacation for 4 days as well. So we waited again, for another week then 2 weeks, she also e-mailed family several times stating when she or the FI was going to get rates. So, again family was patient. My sister found this one place she was very interested in, but was waiting for DD's answer as DD said via e-mail to her. I also have my parents who are 71 & 72 driving 1200 miles because the dr. said no to a plane. I will also add this is a small town with only 2 motels/hotels and 1 B & B.

Earlier today, DD called me and said she wasn't going to do OOT welcome bags, that they will get what all others get, because of the expense she didn't want to do it. I told her I would pay for them and the contents, and I how I felt they realy needed to be done, she said no, we had a little riff over the phone while I was at work, because she called me there to tell me this! So I decided I would get them made up for my side of the family when I got there. All day I was so upset over the attitude she dispalyed, like oh well they don;t have to come! excuse me? what?? They already have the plane tickets car rentals reserved all of it. Just waiting to hear back on hotels.

to top it off this was what was next:

Now 5 weeks to go, still nothing on hotels. So after work today, I took the bull by the horn spent 4 hours and made all the calls. Here the place my sister had her heart set on was all booked. By guess who? Yes, his family! The ones who don't have a free place to stay. I am so beside myself. We have a very small family his is huge. I found out one of his buddies got the info for his family and DD knew this happened. We are now stuck with the cheap yucky motel.

Then I find out DD & FI paid for 2 of the bridesmaid dresses, I feel if they paid for 2 they should have offered the same to the other 5! The 2 they bought the dresses for are local. She also has my 2 neices in her BP that have to buy the plane ticket hotels and car rental. I had no problem with that initionaly because they knew that was one thier dime when they accepted this role, both college students. Well until I found out about the 2 dresses they paid for for others. I flipped! DD MOH told me that tonight.

There were other things but not major and those don't bother me but these 2 things just bugg the heck out of me.

My family has done nothing but love my DD and helped her tremendously in alot of areas, and I just feel that this is way wrong for her to turn her back and accomidate FI family and 2 of her BM.

I have kept myself in check and daughter has done so as well but things are adding up and I don't like what it equals to. Any suggestions, am I wrong to feel this way?

I have refused to pick the phone up when she called a few times tonight. I just can not talk to her for fear I realy may say someting I shouldn't.

Re: XP: So glad miles seperate us

  • @ Bree, point well taken.
  • I only read halfway down before I decided that you really need to backthefuck up and get out of their planning

    THEY will have guest bags or not, THEY will have room reservations or not.

    Not your call, sorry

  • and

    your daughter & her FI should pay for their attendants accomodations.

    thank you,

    E. Post
  • When and where is the wedding?

  • It's in a little town in Louisiana, in 5 weeks. (blink your eye 4 times and you passed thorugh it kinda town)The "bigger" town is an hour away from the venue and church.

    I don;t think I would  feel this way if she hadn't "strung" ppl on with her e-mails. I would get the calls saying "we haven't heard back after she e-mailed us. Has she told you anything on rates?" on 3 occasstions.

    As for the BM dresses, not sure if that was right IMO( which I know shouldn't matter because it's her wedding)  they all knew it was on each of thier dime for dresses when asked.

    Thank you for your advice and opinions.

    @ Bree, I knew what you meant.
  • People should be calling her.

    wait, are the invites in your names or hers
  • edited May 2011
    I did offer to do it, and I would have, then I suggested to have someone do it, she insisted she would do it.

    ETA:

    I feel alot of it should have been kept confidential honestly. It's not just my family traveling miles, his family is traveling the same miles as well. It's like they went out of the way to get all the info and told his family but wasn't passed on to my side.

    I may add it was his mother's thiing about the OOT bags.When we (FI mom and I) first met about 6 weeks ago( I met her b4 I met her son, which was great in all honesty) she handed me this welcome page she received at another wedding, and wanted me to give it to DD when I went down there for ideas for the OOT bags. I went tdown there to get things rolling by DD request. I never knew they exsisted. Undecided until then. I will be making my 4th and final trip a week and a half before she gets married. Hind sight I should have handed it back to her and have her give it to DD in 2 weeks when she gets down there.

    FI is a fantastic person, has qualities mesh well with DD.
  • I dunno

    IMO you should step back and let her do the planning if they are hosting.  But if you're hosting, that's another story.

    The guest bags, I'd let that go, it;s really small and most people don't care.

    Paying for their attendants is just proper etiquette.  I'd let that one go
     
    although if she paid for the two BM's accomodations, the BMs should get the same courtesty.

    agh!  I'm so glad I am over and done, you;re making my head hurt!
  • Thanks OOT,  trust me,  I can't wait to say it's over and done too!
     
    Just glad we only had 3 1/2 months to plan this, I couldn't  continue to do this for over a year or more, Hats off to all that have gone that route! Hope your head feels better in seconds. :)
  • haha


    I do derserve a gold medal because the engagement was 16 months full of planning. 

    All the bridal salons on Madison look the same after a while.  Come to think of it, all ones in Boston did too. 

    Imagine that!
  • Why do you have Cape Cod on your knot logo?  You live there ?
  • Too much perm solution and hair spray does that LOL 

    I can't imagine 16 months! An emmy and Oscar too! Don't short yourself :)  

    I guess I will count my blessings, no shower, no bachelorette party when you throw a wedding together like this. She is ok with that and truely understands.

    We toyed with the shower but  was impossible because of the time and miles.His family and mine are closer in miles then we are from our kids.  We will be doing a "welcome home" party when they get back stateside in a few years.
  • No I don't,  I can dream :), I have been there several times. I absolutly love the East coast. Boston,  Oh no thank you! I swear I was going to have a heart attack in the back of the cab going around those circles, and no fault insurance too boot!Unless they changed that now.  I had distant cousins that lived in those areas. I loved Maryland, I lived in Havre-De-Grace in the early 80's right on the Chesapeake Bay, it was litterly 400 steps from where we lived. The x was military.

  • okay, not a biggie

    I only asked because that's where M was married and thought we could know some of the same people.

    I don't live on the Cape and my country place is in Rhode Island

    I live ine NYC mostof the time nowdays.

    SQUEEE!  M was married in the same church that Shriver & the Gov

    at least  they had good sense at one time
  • One of my Neices lives in NYC about 2 blocks from Bryant Park, My sister lives close to Lake Placid. I would go nuts in NYC with all the bakeries!

    I have never been to RI, my general manager  goes there alot for vacation one of yor adv. agents has a place up there that she stays at when he isn;t there.

    Funny thing;  the adv. agent wanted me to send his checks up there and stated in a "pouty" but sarcastic rubbing in your face voice, that if he didn't get his check he would just have to sit there and eat lobster everyday with a nice big veiw of water until his check arrives. Little did he know me, my reply was Oh, Yuk! Give me crawfish and a bayou anytime you can have that garbage!  He didn''t have much to say after that. LOL

  • I'd let the OOT bag thing go...I'm in the process of trying to make a bunch myself, and it is expensive and time-consuming and I'm wondering if it is worth it.  A nice welcome letter could be more time and cost-effective though...maybe she'd consider doing just a letter?

    As for the other stuff with hotels and everything...that would bug me too.  It sounds like she is not planning well or being a good hostess to her family.  That being said, I don't know that there's much you can do about it so get a good vent out and then just try to let it go. 

    Side note: All my BM's are OOT and I am not paying for their accommodations...it looks like some PP's are saying that etiquette dictates paying their expenses.  Is that true?  I hope I'm not a sh*tty hostess?!?!
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