Wedding Etiquette Forum

Addressing question (to warm your brains up slowly)

I know! We love these, right!

I've been googling but for some reason, it's just not sinking in.

This is just for Save the Dates, which I know are not AS formal as the wedding invitation, but might as well get it written down correctly now.

Buddy's grandmother and his uncle are both gay and both in long term relationships. His grandmother and her partner are married, while his uncle and his partner or not.

If I understand correctly, "and" and putting the names on the same line indicates a relationship, correct?

So for his uncle, it would be:

Mr. Bob Smith and Mr. Steve Jones ?

Would his grandmother and her partner be the same? They're married but don't have the same last name. So,

Mrs. Sue Smith and Mrs. Jill Harris ?

The "and" is enough to indicate the relationship, right? I know this is also weird, but is there any kind of rule as to whose name goes first on the line?

Also, I just asked Buddy if his grandmother and her partner use "Mrs." and he has NO idea. Is asking them weird? Is it safer to err with Mrs. or Ms.? Is using Ms. for two married women insulting if they do happen to prefer Mrs, or is it a generally accepted safe bet?
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Re: Addressing question (to warm your brains up slowly)

  • I think that the unmarried uncle and partner should be on different lines, since they're not married. The "and" implies married.

    As for the grandma, you probably are okay with Mrs. Grandmas are more likely to go by Mrs. Do they still use their husbands' last names?
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  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited April 2010
    The "and" indicates marriage.

    So for grandma and her wife, I think that may be right - Mrs. Sue Smith and Mrs. Jill Harris

    But for uncle and his partner, I think they would be on separate lines just like you would any boyfriend/girlfriend or unmarried couple:

    Mr. Thomas Smith
    Mr. John Jones
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  • Ooooh, the and is for MARRIAGE.

    Ok.

    Yes, the grandmothers still use their former husbands's last names.

    It feels weird to put his uncle and his partner on different lines - they've been together longer than his grandmother and her partner.

    Hm.

    Good to know, definitely. Still FEELS weird.

    Thanks!
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  • I'd probably ask about Mrs. vs. Ms.

    As far as the uncle, do he and his partner consider themselves to be married? Like, do they just live in a state that doesn't allow it? If so, I'd error towards putting an "and" in there. I think that's what I'm doing with mine.
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  • They live in California and they've been together over 20 years, I think. At LEAST well over 10. That's why it feels weird to do seperate lines - they've never taken the step to get married, but they're certainly not DATING - if they were straight, they'd be common law, at least.
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  • Hmm, yeah, I might error towards the and. My dad's cousin is straight, but she's been with her partner for 20 or 30 years, and I would honestly probably put the and in if they were invited. Her boyfriend is part of our family. 

    I saw someone mention the other day that they won't be offended by you taking their relationship TOO seriously, but they might be if it isn't taken seriously enough. Because gay couples are probably sensitive to things like that. Then again, I'm not sure how many people know the "rules" of addressing etiquette. 
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  • FWIW, I don't see the harm in putting the uncle and his partner on the same line separated by the and.  I mean, who really knows this crap except brides on wedding message boards?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_addressing-question-warm-brains-up-slowly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3cea4523-d4ba-45e5-894b-397814e405ffPost:4de90d9b-d286-4855-9cdd-014d0248b905">Re: Addressing question (to warm your brains up slowly)</a>:
    [QUOTE]FWIW, I don't see the harm in putting the uncle and his partner on the same line separated by the and.  <strong>I mean, who really knows this crap except brides on wedding message boards?
    </strong>Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]


    Are you trying to bring about the end of the world Dani?!! NOT COOL! These things <em>matter.</em>


    <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />
  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited April 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_addressing-question-warm-brains-up-slowly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3cea4523-d4ba-45e5-894b-397814e405ffPost:b8e1665c-8e6a-4bba-bb29-be1691d2c433">Re: Addressing question (to warm your brains up slowly)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Addressing question (to warm your brains up slowly) : Are you trying to bring about the end of the world Dani?!! NOT COOL! These things matter.
    Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

    I'm going rogue M&M! 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_addressing-question-warm-brains-up-slowly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3cea4523-d4ba-45e5-894b-397814e405ffPost:56d3d004-44b3-4f9e-b90c-589fd63b6233">Re: Addressing question (to warm your brains up slowly)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Addressing question (to warm your brains up slowly) : I'm going rogue M&M! 
    Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]


    Now that would be a sight to see!
    ::pictures Dani in camo, sneaking up on brides addressing envelopes::
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_addressing-question-warm-brains-up-slowly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3cea4523-d4ba-45e5-894b-397814e405ffPost:162c3c5d-891e-49d6-aff9-69eb580e71ca">Re: Addressing question (to warm your brains up slowly)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Addressing question (to warm your brains up slowly) : Now that would be a sight to see! ::pictures Dani in camo, sneaking up on brides addressing envelopes::
    Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

    Hahahahahaa
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