Wedding Etiquette Forum

Who do we give gifts to?

Traditionally, who does the couple (us) give gifts to on the occasion of their marriage?  I've seen people give gifts to everyone at the groom's dinner - wedding party only - parents - grandparents etc.  The obvious answer is to give them to whoever I feel like giving them to, I know, but I do not wish to be rude by not presenting a gift to someone that etiquette dictates is 'owed' a gift.

We are not having attendants.  My fiance and I and my parents are contributing to the cost of the wedding and my brother is officiating.  The only person I'm 100% sure I must have a gift for is my brother since he is providing a service we would otherwise be hiring someone to do.

Thanks for any guidance.

Re: Who do we give gifts to?

  • I would give to your brother, but no one else is "owed" a gift.  A lot of people do give gifts to the parents, however.
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  • Gifts are usually given to anyone in the wedding party, and parents and grandparents.  

    Since your brother is doing you a service, you can give him one, and maybe your parents and or grandparents if you want.
  • In my circle, gifts are usually given to any wedding party attendants or anyone otherwise participating in the ceremony that you didn't hire (ie a friend doing a reading or singing/playing) and parents. I've never seen anyone give grandparents a gift unless they were contributing to a large portion of the costs.
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  • I'd give gifts to your brother, parents and maybe grandparents. However, I'd do it in private, so no one will be wondering why they didn't get one.
  • Typically the wedding party, and maybe parents.  But I have seen them given to readers, guest bookers, host couples, and anyone "working" for you (but really, it's totally an honor!)

    My preference is to give them in private, not in front of everyone.  As in, give your BMs their gifts in the morning as you're getting ready, and to your parents while you're alone with them (mom's gonna cry no matter what it is).
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    Just because you saw it on Four Weddings, doesn't mean it's a good idea.
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