Help! Advice/Thoughts Needed on Kids at my Wedding Reception...And One Angry Mother-In-Law

ldemartino · July 2012

I have long held that kids do not have a place at a wedding reception, especially mine, which is at night and very formal. My fiancé has a niece and nephew (who will be ages 10 and 7 at our wedding next August) and who are not well behaved. I have stated from the start that I do not want them at the reception. I compromised already and agreed to have his niece as a junior bridesmaid and his nephew as the ring bearer. Again, something I agreed to because in Greek families like his, kids seem to be an integral part of family life and weddings. So that means they will be at the church and in the pictures and involved in all things wedding except the reception. (FYI they were not allowed at our engagement party either). I come from a family with no kids. I am the kids. So for me, I am maybe not the most understanding person with regards to this issue. BUT future mother-in-law is extremely offended that I am against them being at the wedding reception. She finds it insulting. For the purposes of gathering your opinion, please note that my family is footing the entire bill except for the rehearsal dinner, which his parents are paying for. I have never said anything about this fact nor have I ever said he can’t have someone there or can’t do something because my family is paying for it. But she seems to think that because of this I am using martial law to block her poorly behaved grandchildren from being at my reception. I feel that I have been more than fair as far as the kids go. I have also made this wedding into a mutual celebration involving Greek customs and etiquette (greek band, greek church, et cetera). I have even begun converting to orthodoxy so that one day we can raise our children in the church. I know that no matter what I do I am going to offend someone along the line and I can accept that. But her attitude and the fit she threw over the kids, to me, is out of line and I think I am right in not allowing them there.

Any thoughts, suggestions, ideas from anyone would be entirely appreciated. Feel free to be honest if in fact I am in the wrong. Thanks ladies! Xo.

adamar15 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-advicethoughts-needed-on-kids-at-my-wedding-receptionand-one-angry-mother-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d63a2b2-4114-491f-89f2-bdf92cfadcd5Post:53ddb50d-bef4-4632-a72d-385d32a283ab">Help! Advice/Thoughts Needed on Kids at my Wedding Reception...And One Angry Mother-In-Law</a>:
[QUOTE]I have long held that kids do not have a place at a wedding reception, especially mine, which is at night and very formal. My fiancé has a niece and nephew (who will be ages 10 and 7 at our wedding next August) and who are not well behaved. I have stated from the start that I do not want them at the reception. I compromised already and agreed to have his niece as a junior bridesmaid and his nephew as the ring bearer. Again, something I agreed to because in Greek families like his, kids seem to be an integral part of family life and weddings. So that means they will be at the church and in the pictures and involved in all things wedding except the reception. (FYI they were not allowed at our engagement party either). I come from a family with no kids. I am the kids. So for me, I am maybe not the most understanding person with regards to this issue. BUT future mother-in-law is extremely offended that I am against them being at the wedding reception. She finds it insulting. For the purposes of gathering your opinion, please note that my family is footing the entire bill except for the rehearsal dinner, which his parents are paying for. I have never said anything about this fact nor have I ever said he can’t have someone there or can’t do something because my family is paying for it. But she seems to think that because of this I am using martial law to block her poorly behaved grandchildren from being at my reception. I feel that I have been more than fair as far as the kids go. I have also made this wedding into a mutual celebration involving Greek customs and etiquette (greek band, greek church, et cetera). I have even begun converting to orthodoxy so that one day we can raise our children in the church. I know that no matter what I do I am going to offend someone along the line and I can accept that. But her attitude and the fit she threw over the kids, to me, is out of line and I think I am right in not allowing them there. Any thoughts, suggestions, ideas from anyone would be entirely appreciated. Feel free to be honest if in fact I am in the wrong. Thanks ladies! Xo.
Posted by ldemartino[/QUOTE]

If you don't want the kids at the reception, you can't use them as props in the wedding.

ceceibson · July 2012

Had I been as determined as you are to exclude all children from my wedding reception [and I wouldn't have been, BTW], I would never have "asked" the niece and nephew to serve as junior bridesmaid and ring bearer.

Now what you have is even worse, IMO. You are expecting these children to work at your wedding [and, I'm assuming, expecting their parents' to foot the bill for their attire and whatever else is required of them], and then you're purposefully excluding them from the reception, an event hosted as a thank-you to those who attended your wedding.

As for the rest of your post, if it was me, I would get a handle on how and to what extent my finace's - and his family's - religious beliefs and traditions intersect with my own NOW [i.o.w. before the wedding].

lizzywiz · July 2012

Bottom line: If they're invited to the ceremony, they should be invited to the reception. No matter what.

JaxInBlue · July 2012

If you ask the children to participate in the ceremony, pictures, and all of the other wedding things, they need to be invited to the reception, just like any other member of the wedding party. Their parents can make arrangements for them, or leave early, if the reception continues beyond a time they feel is appropriate to keep the children up.

Lizzieyounce · July 2012

If the kids are in the bridal party then they must be invited to the reception. They aren't props. They're people. Also, if they are so ill behaved what makes you think they'll be little angels walking up the aisle?

daubachsgirl23 · July 2012

It's extremely rude to invite someone to the wedding and not the reception. It seems particularly rude to have them involved in the ceremony and not the reception.

pegasuskat · July 2012

Even in non-children weddings, I think immediate family is an exception. But I would never cut children out anyway, I love kids. Some kids are worse behaved than others, but some of the problem here sounds like you are just not used to kids. Is their behavior really that bad, or just maybe normal kids and your not used to it? ** what does you FH think by the way, they are his niece and nephew?

aragx6 · July 2012

I agree with everyone above, but my question is what does your FI think/say about all of this? My FILs drive me crazy but sometimes you have to give in on stuff for the sake of family harmony -- if only to be a good partner.

Mrs.B6302007 · July 2012

Even if they weren't going to be your RB an JrBM, it sounds as if culturally, kids are included at weddings. I can see why your FMIL is upset. I foresee a lot of other kid-related clashes at holidays and family get-togethers if you can't learn to be more accepting of his family's culture. You are your FI have been brought up differently and the two of you are going to have to figure out good compromises when it comes to family functions.

ldemartino · July 2012

Ok, it it not "someone" its kids...and I didn't want them in the wedding to begin with AT ALL. I was just trying to compromise with extremely difficult people who think children should be included in everything. I can't believe that it is actually considered rude not to have them at the reception where they will be exhausted from the day in general and won't want to behave. But ok, I guess I will let the fiance make the decision since it is his family...

AdeleDazeem · July 2012

If they are IN the wedding ceremony (which they are), then they are invited to the reception. It's really rude to not do it.

I understand that you're bending a lot to try and be accomodating, but this is not a hill to die on. Invite the kids. It's the right thing to do according to etiquette and for your future relationship with your in-laws.

AdeleDazeem · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-advicethoughts-needed-on-kids-at-my-wedding-receptionand-one-angry-mother-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d63a2b2-4114-491f-89f2-bdf92cfadcd5Post:60846cd6-72ea-4308-a20c-e7db3c68fd3f">Re: Help! Advice/Thoughts Needed on Kids at my Wedding Reception...And One Angry Mother-In-Law</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't believe that it is actually considered rude not to have them at the reception
Posted by ldemartino[/QUOTE]

How do you justify them being apart of the wedding ceremony but disinviting them to half the day? Next time you're a bridesmaid, think about what it would be like if your friend said "Thanks so much for standing up here, but I'm off to eat and dance with my family. No, you're not invited."

Just because they are children doesn't mean they shouldn't be treated with the same kind of respect.

ldemartino · July 2012

In response to your questions, he doesn't particularly want them there either....I know I am coming off sounding like a heartless bridezilla (I assure you I am not) but he knows how lousy they behave too. I think part of it is that I have no kids in my family and I am just not used to it.

I see that I am probably going to lose this battle anyway in the end and have to allow them to come. Which means his cousins kids will have to come too.

His problem is going up against his mother, which won't happen in a million years. I told him it is his decision since it is his family. I guess I will have to be ok with it either way.

Mrs.B6302007 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-advicethoughts-needed-on-kids-at-my-wedding-receptionand-one-angry-mother-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d63a2b2-4114-491f-89f2-bdf92cfadcd5Post:60846cd6-72ea-4308-a20c-e7db3c68fd3f">Re: Help! Advice/Thoughts Needed on Kids at my Wedding Reception...And One Angry Mother-In-Law</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, it it not "someone" its kids...and I didn't want them in the wedding to begin with AT ALL. I was just trying to compromise with extremely difficult people who think children should be included in everything. I can't believe that it is actually considered rude not to have them at the reception where they will be exhausted from the day in general and won't want to behave. But ok, I guess I will let the fiance make the decision since it is his family...
Posted by ldemartino[/QUOTE]

What does that mean? Kids ARE someone.
Would YOU want to be part of a bridal party and then not be included at the reception?
I can see your concern about behavior but 1)the words "not behave" are relative and mean different things to different people - kids are generally noisy and easily excitable but that isn't necessarily "bad behavior" 2)they might surprise you and 3)unless they're throwing toasting flutes across the room, you'll probably be so busy and caught up in the moment that you won't even really notice what they're doing. Just ignore them and have fun!

adamar15 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-advicethoughts-needed-on-kids-at-my-wedding-receptionand-one-angry-mother-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d63a2b2-4114-491f-89f2-bdf92cfadcd5Post:60846cd6-72ea-4308-a20c-e7db3c68fd3f">Re: Help! Advice/Thoughts Needed on Kids at my Wedding Reception...And One Angry Mother-In-Law</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, it it not "someone" its kids...and I didn't want them in the wedding to begin with AT ALL. I was just trying to compromise with extremely difficult people who think children should be included in everything. I can't believe that it is actually considered rude not to have them at the reception where they will be exhausted from the day in general and won't want to behave. But ok, I guess I will let the fiance make the decision since it is his family...
Posted by ldemartino[/QUOTE]

Well, it is. Kids aren't a different species. They're still people. The fact that they are younger doesn't give you license to be rude to them. Your MIL is right to be upset that you were trying to exclude them from the reception but use them for the ceremony.

crash2729 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-advicethoughts-needed-on-kids-at-my-wedding-receptionand-one-angry-mother-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d63a2b2-4114-491f-89f2-bdf92cfadcd5Post:60846cd6-72ea-4308-a20c-e7db3c68fd3f">Re: Help! Advice/Thoughts Needed on Kids at my Wedding Reception...And One Angry Mother-In-Law</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, it it not "someone" its kids...and I didn't want them in the wedding to begin with AT ALL. I was just trying to compromise with extremely difficult people who think children should be included in everything. I can't believe that it is actually considered rude not to have them at the reception where they will be exhausted from the day in general and won't want to behave. But ok, I guess I will let the fiance make the decision since it is his family...
Posted by ldemartino[/QUOTE]
Let the parents make this determination. You should at the very least invite them since they are now part of WP.

julibug86 · July 2012

What does your FI think? Since it's his family, he should handle it. And if FI wants kids at the wedding, well then that's a whole other issue...

Anyway, when I was little, my aunt got married and had a very formal wedding. My sister (age 10) was a junior bridesmaid, while my brother (age 7) and I (age 5) carried up the gifts (Catholic ceremony). My brother and I both didn't attend the reception and instead, our grandmother (from the other side) took us to McDonald's (a VERY rare treat in my childhood!) in our formalwear and then stayed the night with us. Honestly, I was not offended then and I'm not offended now! But, the big thing was, my parents made the decision to not bring us to the reception, not my aunt. We were 5 and 7 and would have been bored to death! So I guess what I'm getting to is, what do your future brother/sister in law say about all this? For my parents, they knew that if my brother and I attended the reception that they would have to leave earlier and attend to us all night (we weren't bad kids, but c'mon, how long can a 5 year old last?).

For my wedding, we have one nephew (mine) who will be 2 1/2 by our wedding. He is going to be the ringbearer and is invited to the reception. My sister is on the fence over whether or not to bring him or just have her in laws pick him up. I'm just leaving the decision up to her!

adamar15 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-advicethoughts-needed-on-kids-at-my-wedding-receptionand-one-angry-mother-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d63a2b2-4114-491f-89f2-bdf92cfadcd5Post:e4a229f0-b98a-47d5-a73d-6ac0be86e7cb">Re: Help! Advice/Thoughts Needed on Kids at my Wedding Reception...And One Angry Mother-In-Law</a>:
[QUOTE]In response to your questions, he doesn't particularly want them there either....I know I am coming off sounding like a heartless bridezilla (I assure you I am not) but he knows how lousy they behave too. I think part of it is that I have no kids in my family and I am just not used to it. I see that I am probably going to lose this battle anyway in the end and have to allow them to come. Which means his cousins kids will have to come too. His problem is going up against his mother, which won't happen in a million years. I told him it is his decision since it is his family. I guess I will have to be ok with it either way.
Posted by ldemartino[/QUOTE]

Not necessarily. I don't know about the cultural aspect, but etiquette-wise it's perfectly fine for the kids in the wedding party to be the only kids invited.

daubachsgirl23 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-advicethoughts-needed-on-kids-at-my-wedding-receptionand-one-angry-mother-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d63a2b2-4114-491f-89f2-bdf92cfadcd5Post:d8a56cfa-c194-4837-b663-1a8378a2184d">Re: Help! Advice/Thoughts Needed on Kids at my Wedding Reception...And One Angry Mother-In-Law</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! Advice/Thoughts Needed on Kids at my Wedding Reception...And One Angry Mother-In-Law : How do you justify them being apart of the wedding ceremony but disinviting them to half the day? Next time you're a bridesmaid, think about what it would be like if your friend said "Thanks so much for standing up here, but I'm off to eat and dance with my family. No, you're not invited." Just because they are children doesn't mean they shouldn't be treated with the same kind of respect.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

PP is spot on. While they may be "just kids," they are putting time and effort into your wedding. They should be at the reception.

aragx6 · July 2012

Just because you allow these kids, who are close relations, to attend the wedding doesn't mean you need to invite his cousin's kids.

Mrs.B6302007 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-advicethoughts-needed-on-kids-at-my-wedding-receptionand-one-angry-mother-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d63a2b2-4114-491f-89f2-bdf92cfadcd5Post:438511b3-6310-457d-a67a-373d1527b96d">Re: Help! Advice/Thoughts Needed on Kids at my Wedding Reception...And One Angry Mother-In-Law</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! Advice/Thoughts Needed on Kids at my Wedding Reception...And One Angry Mother-In-Law : Actually, I think not inviting cousins' kids should still be fine. You could say you're inviting immediate family and their children, not extended family's children.
Posted by djhar[/QUOTE]

Yep. THIS is a good compromise between your family's culture and his.

KellyBrian2013 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-advicethoughts-needed-on-kids-at-my-wedding-receptionand-one-angry-mother-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d63a2b2-4114-491f-89f2-bdf92cfadcd5Post:60846cd6-72ea-4308-a20c-e7db3c68fd3f">Re: Help! Advice/Thoughts Needed on Kids at my Wedding Reception...And One Angry Mother-In-Law</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, it it not "someone" its kids...and I didn't want them in the wedding to begin with AT ALL. I was just trying to compromise with extremely difficult people who think children should be included in everything. I can't believe that it is actually considered rude not to have them at the reception where they will be exhausted from the day in general and won't want to behave. But ok, I guess I will let the fiance make the decision since it is his family...
Posted by ldemartino[/QUOTE]

I was involved in several weddings as a child (3 times as a flower girl, once as my dad's escort to his 2nd wife)... I never was "exhausted from the day in general". I thoroughly enjoyed getting to eat and dance with the grown ups, especially considering it was not very often I got to stay up late like that.

But on the same token, if they will be SOOOOOO exhausted, generally that means they'll sit in one place and try to rest.

This isn't about letting your fiance make the decision because it's his family; it's about you recognizing that your soon-to-be niece and nephew are LIVING BREATHING PEOPLE that you need to accept will be involved in your life, especially if children are a large part of FI's family life. Get out NOW if you're not okay with that.

Cuss10 · July 2012

You could find a room in your venue and hire a baby sitter for them for the evening. Put a TV in there with a DVD player, put some toys and blankets out and order them pizza for dinner.

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

You can not invite the cousins. It's pretty common to just invite WP kids and draw the line there.

Like others said, just think about how YOU would feel if you were in the WP but not invited to the party after. Even though they're children, they would feel the same way. Their parents can decide if they want them to go home. FWIW, not all kids are bored at receptions. We had a good amount of chilren at ours, and I would say they were the ones out on the dance floor the most boogeying and they LOVED our candy buffet. I am totally fine with adult-only weddings and we had actually wanted to do that initially, but not all kids will be little terrors or get bored. It's just two children. Invite them.

aragx6 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-advicethoughts-needed-on-kids-at-my-wedding-receptionand-one-angry-mother-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d63a2b2-4114-491f-89f2-bdf92cfadcd5Post:bb610203-173d-4822-b98b-8825a562a87e">Re: Help! Advice/Thoughts Needed on Kids at my Wedding Reception...And One Angry Mother-In-Law</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! Advice/Thoughts Needed on Kids at my Wedding Reception...And One Angry Mother-In-Law : I was involved in several weddings as a child (3 times as a flower girl, once as my dad's escort to his 2nd wife)... I never was "exhausted from the day in general". I thoroughly enjoyed getting to eat and dance with the grown ups, especially considering it was not very often I got to stay up late like that. But on the same token, if they will be SOOOOOO exhausted, generally that means they'll sit in one place and try to rest. This isn't about letting your fiance make the decision because it's his family; it's about you recognizing that your soon-to-be niece and nephew are LIVING BREATHING PEOPLE that you need to accept will be involved in your life, especially if children are a large part of FI's family life. Get out NOW if you're not okay with that.
Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]

Well that's kind of ludicrous given that she said FI didn't even want them there. If anything is concerning it's the fact that FI would never stand up to his mother.

SB1512 · July 2012

Invite the kids in the WP to the reception and let the parents decide if they should come. My FIs niece will be 3 and a half when we get married and she will prob be the flower girl. Our reception goes from 7 to midnight and there is no way she will last that long. FSIL and FBIL already said they plan on finding someone to pick her up around 7:30 or 8 and bring her home so they can enjoy the rest of the night without a cranky kid to deal with

abussen · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-advicethoughts-needed-on-kids-at-my-wedding-receptionand-one-angry-mother-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d63a2b2-4114-491f-89f2-bdf92cfadcd5Post:53ddb50d-bef4-4632-a72d-385d32a283ab">Help! Advice/Thoughts Needed on Kids at my Wedding Reception...And One Angry Mother-In-Law</a>:
[QUOTE]I have long held that kids do not have a place at a wedding reception, especially mine, which is at night and very formal. My fiancé has a niece and nephew (who will be ages 10 and 7 at our wedding next August) and who are not well behaved. I have stated from the start that I do not want them at the reception. I compromised already and agreed to have his niece as a junior bridesmaid and his nephew as the ring bearer. Again, something I agreed to because in Greek families like his, kids seem to be an integral part of family life and weddings. So that means they will be at the church and in the pictures and involved in all things wedding except the reception. (FYI they were not allowed at our engagement party either). I come from a family with no kids. I am the kids. So for me, I am maybe not the most understanding person with regards to this issue. BUT future mother-in-law is extremely offended that I am against them being at the wedding reception. She finds it insulting. For the purposes of gathering your opinion, please note that my family is footing the entire bill except for the rehearsal dinner, which his parents are paying for. I have never said anything about this fact nor have I ever said he can’t have someone there or can’t do something because my family is paying for it. But she seems to think that because of this I am using martial law to block her poorly behaved grandchildren from being at my reception. I feel that I have been more than fair as far as the kids go. I have also made this wedding into a mutual celebration involving Greek customs and etiquette (greek band, greek church, et cetera). I have even begun converting to orthodoxy so that one day we can raise our children in the church. I know that no matter what I do I am going to offend someone along the line and I can accept that. But her attitude and the fit she threw over the kids, to me, is out of line and I think I am right in not allowing them there. Any thoughts, suggestions, ideas from anyone would be entirely appreciated. Feel free to be honest if in fact I am in the wrong. Thanks ladies! Xo.
Posted by ldemartino[/QUOTE]

<div>I might get dinged for this, but I am going to say it regardless…. We decided from the beginning that we were not going to have children at our wedding, however we did want to include my FI’s sisters children to an extent. This is what we decided: The kids will be in the wedding party (ring bearers / flower girl) and they will be invited to the reception, but once dinner is over we have arranged for a baby sitter to come and pick them up and take them back to the hotel for the night. The reason we decided to do it this way is because my FI’s kids are all under the age of 4 (3 of them) and it’s a lot to keep track of. We wanted my FI’s Sister, Brother-in-law, and my future In-laws to enjoy themselves. I’ve been to enough family functions to know that it’s not possible with that many little kids running around. Thankfully my FI’s family 100% understands and they actually came up with the baby sitter idea. We also purchased the kids gifts to keep them busy at the hotel. We also plan on getting them a movie and snacks to enjoy while watching. It worked for our families. I hope you can figure something out for yours. Maybe suggest something similar? </div><div>
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aragx6 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-advicethoughts-needed-on-kids-at-my-wedding-receptionand-one-angry-mother-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d63a2b2-4114-491f-89f2-bdf92cfadcd5Post:4174b529-9313-4eeb-837e-6fe268410eb3">Re: Help! Advice/Thoughts Needed on Kids at my Wedding Reception...And One Angry Mother-In-Law</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Help! Advice/Thoughts Needed on Kids at my Wedding Reception...And One Angry Mother-In-Law : I might get dinged for this, but I am going to say it regardless…. We decided from the beginning that we were not going to have children at our wedding, however we did want to include my FI’s sisters children to an extent. This is what we decided: The kids will be in the wedding party (ring bearers / flower girl) and they will be invited to the reception, but once dinner is over we have arranged for a baby sitter to come and pick them up and take them back to the hotel for the night. The reason we decided to do it this way is because my FI’s kids are all under the age of 4 (3 of them) and it’s a lot to keep track of. We wanted my FI’s Sister, Brother-in-law, and my future In-laws to enjoy themselves. I’ve been to enough family functions to know that it’s not possible with that many little kids running around. Thankfully my FI’s family 100% understands and they actually came up with the baby sitter idea. We also purchased the kids gifts to keep them busy at the hotel. We also plan on getting them a movie and snacks to enjoy while watching. It worked for our families. I hope you can figure something out for yours. Maybe suggest something similar?
Posted by abussen[/QUOTE]

I just don't understand how that's your decision to make though. Part of being a parent is choosing when to bring them and where. It's fine to have a kid-free wedding, but when you make them part of the wedding and then don't invite them to the thank you (which is what the reception is) you risk making it appear as though you only care about them insofar as they look like good props in your photos. It sounds like your family was OK with the set up, which is good, but the OP's family decidedly isn't.

AdeleDazeem · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-advicethoughts-needed-on-kids-at-my-wedding-receptionand-one-angry-mother-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d63a2b2-4114-491f-89f2-bdf92cfadcd5Post:4174b529-9313-4eeb-837e-6fe268410eb3">Re: Help! Advice/Thoughts Needed on Kids at my Wedding Reception...And One Angry Mother-In-Law</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Help! Advice/Thoughts Needed on Kids at my Wedding Reception...And One Angry Mother-In-Law : I might get dinged for this, but I am going to say it regardless…. We decided from the beginning that we were not going to have children at our wedding, however we did want to include my FI’s sisters children to an extent. This is what we decided: The kids will be in the wedding party (ring bearers / flower girl) and they will be invited to the reception, but once dinner is over we have arranged for a baby sitter to come and pick them up and take them back to the hotel for the night. The reason we decided to do it this way is because my FI’s kids are all under the age of 4 (3 of them) and it’s a lot to keep track of. We wanted my FI’s Sister, Brother-in-law, and my future In-laws to enjoy themselves. I’ve been to enough family functions to know that it’s not possible with that many little kids running around. Thankfully my FI’s family 100% understands and they actually came up with the baby sitter idea. We also purchased the kids gifts to keep them busy at the hotel. We also plan on getting them a movie and snacks to enjoy while watching. It worked for our families. I hope you can figure something out for yours. Maybe suggest something similar?
Posted by abussen[/QUOTE]

I have no problem with this when it's the parents' idea. If it's the hosts' idea, it's simply bad hostessing to imply in any way that those involved are not welcome.

ldemartino · July 2012

My only other concern is that the place we are having the reception is not particularly kid friendly. We are having it at a private country club and while we have an entire wing of the club to ourselves, the other parts of the club will be open to club members. Maybe I am being paranoid, and it is not that I don't love the two of them, I do, but I guess my tolerance level is minimal because when I was a kid I didn't go to weddings. They were always adult events in our family. I went to my first wedding at age 16. I think it is a good idea to let my brother-in-law and sister-in-law decide. I am not trying to cause a family disaster here lol

Help! Advice/Thoughts Needed on Kids at my Wedding Reception...And One Angry Mother-In-Law

Re: Help! Advice/Thoughts Needed on Kids at my Wedding Reception...And One Angry Mother-In-Law

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