Wedding Etiquette Forum

Gone.

My grandmother passed away last night. She had COPD stemming from a previous bronchitis infection that went untreated and scarred her lungs. That made it hard for her to breathe. Last Tuesday, she was having such a hard time catching her breath that my grandfather wanted to call 911, but my grandmother is terrified of hospitals and said if he did that, she'd hate him forever. They eventually managed to get her breathing under control at home, but it looked bad. She called my mom and said she wanted "the kids" (meaning my mom, my aunt, and my uncle) to come that weekend because "it may be the last time". She ended up in the hospital before they got there because she collapsed several times and my grandfather just couldn't handle it. She was, apparently, in good enough spirits to joke with the EMTs though. When they got to the hospital, it turned out she had pneumonia and congestive heart failure, and her oxygen levels were way down. They gave her antibiotics for the pneumonia and upped her oxygen levels so that by the time my parents left on Sunday, things were looking up.

Monday night, I went out and got a "get well soon" card for her, wrote a little note in it, then sealed it and stamped it. I was going to put it in the mailbox on my way to work the next morning. My mom called me that night and said grandma was in good spirits, enough to actually send my grandpa home because she could feed herself.

My mom called me at 7am yesterday. Grandma's blood pressure bottomed out and despite their best efforts, the doctors couldn't fix it and she stopped breathing on her own. She was already on a ventilator, but had signed a DNR so my grandfather requested they leave her on the ventilator until the family could get there. I had to stay home to take care of stuff (reserving hotels, making phone calls, cancelling appointments). I called my dad a few hours later for an update and he filled me in, and told me there wouldn't be any kind of funeral service. I asked him to say goodbye for me and my brother, and tell her we love her. I knew he would and he'd make it sound really good too. 

Mom called me around midnight last night and said grandma passed away around 11:45pm. They gave her morphine before they took her off the ventilator so I hope it was painless for her. 

Today is my fiance's birthday and I'm trying to put on my happy face but it's been hard. He's really understanding though. I've ruined at least three or four shirts with tears, mascara and snot over the last week.

Anyway, FI and I have been really isolated throughout all of this, so I had to get it all off my chest. I'm sorry I had to unload it to anyone who reads this thread. Thank you all for your support. It really means more than I can say.
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Re: Gone.

  • Sorry for your loss, Court. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I am so sorry for you and your family's loss. I hope things get better now that you know she's not in pain anymore. Sending you stranger internet hugs.
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  • I'm so sorry court.
  • I know you don't know me, but I've lurked for quite a while and I come upon your posts a lot. I am so sorry for your loss, and I'm sending hugs from Texas! I'm so glad your FI is so supportive for you. Vent away!
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  • I am so sorry for your loss.  I'm very close to my grandmother and I can't imagine how I will feel when she passes.  You're in my thoughts.
  • Thought and prayers fro you and your family, Court.  I'm so sorry for your loss.
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  • So sorry to hear of this. I lost one of my grandmother back in 2009, so I know what you're going through. Your strength will return eventually, even though it seems like it never will. Happy birthday to your FI and I hope that your family heals in due time.
  • I'm so, so, SO sorry, Court. This must be really hard for your family. I hope this doesn't affect your planning, as you previously worried it would, because this will still be a wonderful year for you AND your family. Your grandma sounds extremely sweet and loving, and it sounds like everyone loved her as much as she loved them. What a blessing to have such a wonderful grandma.

    I don't want to jump in and say that I know what you're going through, because I know this is hard - but my grandma was hospitalized with pneumonia three days ago (her last bout of pneumonia almost killed her, but just like she beat breast cancer, she somehow beat severe pneumonia!) and she has emphysema from growing up on a farm, and doctors say that we should prepare for recurring pneumonia, since her emphysema has gotten worse and worse. I'm hoping and praying that she's able to attend our wedding in September.
  • I am so sorry to hear. I recently lost my grandmother, my last grandparent, myself. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.
  • I'm so sorry Court. Sending prayers to you and your family
  • I'm  so sorry Court.  Lots of love for you and your family.
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  • I'm so sorry Court, thinking of you and your family today.

     

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  • Weezy56Weezy56 member
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    edited March 2013
    I lost my grandmother in June, she had COPD as well. I am so sorry for your loss, T & P your way.
  • I'm very sorry for your loss.  I miss my grandparents too (all are deceased as are some other close relatives-close as in "emotionally close").

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
  • Sending hugs, thoughts, and prayers from New Jersey.  I'm so sorry for your loss.
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  • winelover123winelover123 member
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    edited March 2013
    So sorry for your loss. T&P are with you.
  • I'm so sorry for your loss :( I lost my uncle a few months ago and that was tough. Even though I only know you on TK, You, and your family are in my thoughts and prayers during this sad time. *Digital hugs* coming your way!
  • So sorry for your loss.  It is so hard to lose a loved one.

    Know that your FI isn't worried about his birthday, he just wants to support you.  My FI's grandpa passed away on Christmas, and all I could think about was supporting my FI and his family. 
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  • I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my grandmother to something very similar last month. I couldn't have made it through without my H and my family. Hugs to you.
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  • Sorry for your family's loss, Court.  Try to spend some cuddly time with your FI today, hopefully it will be of some comfort.  This too shall pass :)
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  • court im am so sorry! you are in my thoughts today. xoxo from an internet stranger! 
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  • <3 I'm so sorry for you loss. 
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  • I am so sorry for your loss, truly. I am thinking about you and your family.
  • Sorry for your loss. ::hugs::
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  • I am sorry for your lost. You and your family will be in my prayers.

  • I'm so sorry for your loss.  
  • I'm so sorry.
    It was very similar with my grandmother a couple of years ago. Things were bad... then things seemed so much better, then the very sudden decline (less than a day and she was gone).
    And I kick myself for not going to visit her when I'd considered it, and not calling as much as I wish I had.
    But I don't think any amount of extra good bye time would make it hurt any less. She knew how much I loved her and I knew how much she loved me, just as I'm sure you and your grandmother did.

    It's going to be really hard. I still randomly cry about it (am right now actually), almost two years later, but I suppose that's just a sign of how big a part of my life she was and how much I love and miss her. So it's good in a way.

    But know that she'd definitely want you to be happy rather than sad.

    So think of and share the memories often. Pray often (if that's your thing). Lean on others for support, and continue to love her like crazy.

    So sorry for your loss. Best wishes.
  • I'm so sorry for your loss! Be sting and remember that she is no longer suffering and time heals
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  • Sending you internet hugs & keeping you & your family in my prayers today.
  • Please accept my condolences. I'm glad you wrote this post as I know it must have helped you review the details, get the timeline straight in your mind, and share your grief with others. My mom died Friday night. I share in your loss.
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