Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bridesmaid Issue

Hi everyone,

I am the MoH in my bff's wedding. She asked us all over a year ago and asked one mutual acquaintance from college to be in it. I was a little surprised because it is pretty well-known that this person says yes to being in a wedding and then does not fulfill her obligations.

I am the only local bridesmaid, so the other Moh and I set up a fb page where we make posts about the planning. We started out searching for a shower venue because the bride has a large family and nobody in this area had a home big enough to host a shower. We presented the girls with options we'd found including catering and took a vote. It was unanimous for the venue and for agreeing to split the cost (we voted privately so no hurt feelings). Then, we voted on the bachelorette party, including costs. I posted on the page that I would need to book the hotel now and would be paying up front, asking the girls if they wouldn't mind contributing within the next month or so (in September). Then, we voted on the bridal party gift, again accepting suggestions, discussing cost. Everyone voted yes to the gift and yes to the cost.

Of course, this one girl has not  paid for anything yet. I asked for the $ for the bachelorette in September, I asked for the $ for the gift in early January. I sent an e-mail privately to her, mentioning that I hadn't received her checks and that perhaps they got lost in the mail. No response. Texted. No response. Now the shower is coming up. I cannot afford to pay her part, and neither can the other girls. She has voted yes to these costs and will not respond. I do not know whether to count her out or what to do. I am spending a lot of my own money on the favors, decorations, and other things at the shower itself, and not asking for reimbursement for those items, but cannot pay this girl's part of the shower.
~CaraMia~ Married to my HS sweetheart since 7/2/10 Celebrating 10 years together 6/3/12! Anniversary

Re: Bridesmaid Issue

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    I agree with PP. Especially on the favors-if you haven't ordered them yet, I would nix those. I don't still have a single favor from any bach party, shower, wedding I've ever been to. Sit down and make a list of everything that's REALLY necessary (basically the cost of the venue and whatever food/refreshments), and cut anything that you won't really need.

    It does suck she's not paying after agreeing to though =/
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    Yeah, I agree too.  Make your plans in such a way that this girl isn't expected to contribute, since she's going out of her way to ignore you.
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