*

futurecjthedj

*

Summer2011Bride

Typically, mothers are more involved in planning their daughters' weddings than their sons'. Although many people don't follow the traditional who-pays-for-what, traditionally the bride's family did pay for a majority of the wedding and host it, so in her mind, that might be what she thinks. So she is planning to host her daughter's, not yours, meaning she'd be a lot more involved in her daugher's.

If you don't want her griping about everything, stop talking about the wedding with her. If she brings it up, change the subject. If she's not paying, she doesn't get a say in venue, food, etc. Your FI should be handling it since it is his mother, esp. the comments about making her daughter cry. Does FI stand up for you to her?

KatyRoseM

Many families don't want to spend on son's weddings but do for their daughters.  Is it nice?  Not really.  But it happens.  Its her decision how to spend her money. 

As for the rest, did you talk to FSIL to see if she also was hurt by your reaction?  If she was then it might not be FMIL, it might be that you gave off some odd vibe.  Talking to her could help that.

It does sound like she has some issues with you and your relationship, how does Fi react to that?  Has he tried talking to her about her statements and attitude? 

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_just-need-vent-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3e8b141d-9121-482a-9094-f3932069f0f8Post:7d245f4b-dab4-475e-91ab-6a5d837a8cd3">I just need to vent</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not quite sure of the abbreviations for everyone's title but here goes.  My FMIL is driving me crazy.  It all started three years ago when my FI and I told her we got engaged.  That night I sat on the couch across from her and listened to her complain about us rushing into it and that see didn't see why it was important for our families to meet.  ( my FI and I were dating for about 3 years before getting engaged and of those 3 years 2 we spent living together)  Me and my FI assured her we were going to wait three years to save and take our time planning the wedding.  Now my FMIL hasnt had a job for 2 years because she was laid off and wanted to focus on her art rather than finding another job.  So myself and my family kinda knew that we couldn't expect her to contribute financially.  Fine.  ( my mother is using her inheritance from my grandmothers estate to pay for the wedding)  <strong>Your FMIL nor anyone for that matter is obligated to help pay for your wedding. If you are old enough to get married, then you are old enough to find a way to pay for it. I think you need to grow up and stop acting like you are entitled to everyone else's money. If your Mom wants to use her inheritance money to help with your wedding, then that is her business and no one else's. </strong>Here's where I get angry.  So my FMIL has done nothing but complain about the venue location ( we are getting married an hr away from his mom... because it was the nicest place that we seen and could afford but two  i have a very large family all of which live near the venue.) food, and the save the dates. <strong>Stop talking to her about the details of the wedding. If she asks, give her vague answers or tell you you guys already have it covered. That should help a lot with that issue. </strong> Now the latest issue started on Valentines Day.  My FMIL's daughter got engaged.  When my FL and I visited we asked about the engagement and when they planned to get married, truly excited for her.  However I guess my FMIL felt that I was cold and angry at her daughter for getting engaged.  <strong>Remember, no one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you and your FI. Just b/c she is involved and helping pay for things with her daughter's wedding and not your wedding, doesn't mean crap. Just grow up and get over it. Let it roll off your back. While it may be frustrating and unfair, that is life. My sister has gotten many things in life from my parents that I have not. Am I whining and complaining like a brat over it? Not at all. </strong>She called my FI the next day and yelled at him and told him that I need to apologize for making her daughter cry.  Really?  To end my vent today I took my BMS to get their dresses.  While in route to the store my FI sister ( the one who got engaged) informs me about all of the stuff her mom started getting for her wedding that is TWO years away.   I just feel that it would be nice for her to contribute to her sons wedding first before spending hundreds of dollars on a wedding that we be here in two years and five months.<strong> Again, she is not obligated to help you guys pay for your wedding. And besides, if you have been engaged for 3 yrs, you should have had plenty of time to save up for the wedding you can afford.</strong>
Posted by futurecjthedj[/QUOTE]

[Deleted User]

Wow, that was a quick DD. I am so freaking glad I quoted.

[Deleted User]

OP - COME BACK! No one said anything particularly mean or insulting to you. Why the dirty delete?

Calypso1977

( my mother is using her inheritance from my grandmothers estate to pay for the wedding)

sad.  that could be invested for her retirement.

thesequel

Guess that wasn't the response she was looking for....thanks Missy for quoting!

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_just-need-vent-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3e8b141d-9121-482a-9094-f3932069f0f8Post:8c42802f-38d2-416a-9e13-5117a0737614">Re: *</a>:
[QUOTE]Guess that wasn't the response she was looking for....thanks Missy for quoting!
Posted by thesequel[/QUOTE]

I guess. And no one was mean with the advice they gave. By the time I posted my response, it was already deleted.

hellerc1

It was a very fast DD I did not even finish typing my answer.

mica178

Hopefully the OP realized the error of her ways when she saw the cold words in print.

nda_roxybabe

Huh. So they pushed the wedding out 3 years so "THEY" could pay for their OWN wedding but yet her mother is using her inheritence to pay for their wedding?
I iz confused.

Snippylynn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_just-need-vent-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3e8b141d-9121-482a-9094-f3932069f0f8Post:a1e59ce4-ccc7-4eda-8d7c-059efb52a1e2">Re: *</a>:
[QUOTE]You know, OP.  It is just possible that your FI's family doesn't like you.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
That's exactly what I thought. haha