XP: Another option for OOT guests other than RD

LDYGTR13

FI and I dont have much family here in Mississippi - and most of our WP isn't even local, so we will be having numerous OOT guests (who've already booked hotel rooms, etc) coming in for the wedding. FI's parents are paying for the RD (a catfish house close to the venue - it's very "us" and laid back) and I really don't want to over stretch their budget for the RD - they're already being very gracious.

Here's my question:

FI is friends with the owner of the local bowling alley. Would it be strange to tell OOT guests that we can't accommodate at the RD that they're welcome to bowl a the bowling alley (for a discounted fee - we can't pay for the entire thing, but we can probably work out a deal of some sort) as a Pre-Wedding shindig?! Would it be weird to do this?

I'm one of these people who thinks of stuff and doesn't exactly think them all the way through - what would I need to be sure I think of if I was to do this?

Mrs.B6302007

DON'T tell them you can't accommodate them at the RD.  You don't tell people what they're NOT going to get.

Mrs.B6302007

As far as the bowling alley goes, you wouldn't be there right?  What's the point of a pre-wedding GTG if B&G can't attend.  You can provide them with local restaurant info, entertainment such as movie theatre locations, things to do, etc.   As an OOT, I would most likely come in late afternoon, grab some dinner and chill for the night, but that's me.

akhensley81

Yeah, don't specifically say "hey you're not invited to this shindig so we lined up something else for you." But - in your OOT welcome bags make sure you include suggestions for restaurants and things to do, and you can definitely mention that if they want to go bowling, they can mention the wedding and get a discount at that specific bowling alley. If I were a wedding guest and saw that, I would definitely take advantage of that. I like bowling.

The town I'm getting married in has a quarterly "what's happening" magazine that they print. It has coupons for local restaurants and businesses, a whole list of events/sales, it's kind of cool. And it's free. I'm going to pick up enough copies of that to put in my OOT welcome bags.

danieliza1127

We just let our oot guests/friends know that we'd be going to xyz bar after the RD if they wanted to join us for drinks, and they all did.  No need to make a big deal out of it.  If you guys aren't going to be there, they might not want to do the bowling thing.  You could make it an option for them though as something to do.  If you guys are going there after the RD, just let your friends know word of mouth that they're welcome to join you.  Then you aren't really expected to pay either.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I'm with Mrs. B. If you could do the bowling thing AFTER the RD and invite everyone, that sounds okay - but if you can't pay, I'd just make a suggestion about it. Like, "we were thinking of stopping here after the RD, let us know if you want to come and we'll save a spot." You shouldn't issue a formal invitation to something you aren't hosting.

Many people now do OOT bags with a few little things - water bottles, snacks, sunscreen, a map, a welcome letter and a brochure or list of local attractions. You can buy paper gift bags to use as the bags at the dollar store. That way you can mention some bar/restaurant/museum/activity recommendations for people who come in more than 24 hours before the wedding and want to site-see. Honestly, if the B&G gave me a few restaurant recommendations in the area where I was staying, that would be good enough for me.

Etiquette-wise, you don't have to invite OOT people to the RD. It's just an added gesture some people do to thank their guests for traveling so far (by providing at least 2 free meals to them over the wedding weekend). If I were an OOT guest, though, I wouldn't expect it. I've only ever been invited to one RD and I've been an OOT guest several times.

LDYGTR13

I'm so thankful for you guys lol. I honestly get these ideas without thinking them through.

I was thinking of it as something OTHER than the RD. FI and the guys might show up, but I would not be attending, as the ladies and I will have other things going on after the RD. I figured it would be a good thing to have an organized event where maybe everyone could meet each other and all know they were in town for the wedding and yada yada without having to add to the RD total for my FILs.

But I guess I should do what you ladies say and just kinda make it an option and let them know if they mention the wedding they can have a discounted rate.

Thanks!!

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-another-option-oot-guests-other-rd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f0dba83-09ca-41f2-ad5c-9c6b9743de5cPost:d71ebe18-7852-4a38-a6b0-20b2b1ba93e4">Re: XP: Another option for OOT guests other than RD</a>:
[QUOTE] I figured it would be a good thing to have an organized event where maybe everyone could meet each other and all know they were in town for the wedding and yada yada
Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]

Honestly, most people go to weddings for the bride and groom and to see their own friends and family, not to meet new people or meet the "other" side of the family (i.e. if they're your relatives, they probably don't really care about meeting your FI's relatives).  So the people that all know each other will make plans if they want to see each other.

Celles

We have a lot of OOT guests we don't get to see very often, and a few we haven't actually met face-to-face (these are the Warcraft friends).  His parents want an intimate rehearsal dinner, with just the immediate family, wedding party and dates, so inviting everyone is probably a no-go.  I'm contemplating having a rehearsal lunch instead, and then hosting some kind of laid back, BBQ style shindig in the evening for the OOTers and whoever else wants to attend. 

Could this be an option for you?  An early RD or rehearsal luncheon, followed by an informal evening of bowling?  Of course, as PPs have said, you can't invite people to an event you aren't actually hosting, but you could make it a casual "hey, we're meeting up at the bowling alley around 7 if you'd like to join us!" kind of a thing.

eta - Nevermind!  You posted that you wouldn't attend anyway as I was typing this.  In that case, I wouldn't make it an event -- hosted or non -- but a suggested "thing to do" in the welcome packet or wedding website, perhaps with a discount if you can arrange it.

Kristin789

Ditto  Danieliza.

Your guests really aren't interested in some unofficial bowling mixer meet&greet.  They're going to come in town, check in at the hotel, find something to eat, watch some TV while ironing/hanging up their clothes for the next-day wedding, call home, and go to bed.  It's like a wonderful night away from their own lives, a chance to talk just to your DH/SO, and snuggle without disruption. 

We really don't want to have to get there at a certain time, throw our suitcases in the room, and rush off to some bowling party with a bunch of strangers.

And it sounds like you are sad/disappointed/feel bad that FI's parents can't accomodate all the OOTs at the RD.  I've never heard of OOTs being invited to the RD in real life, and it's rare on TheKnot for this to really happen either.  Usually when the OOTs are invited, it's because the groom's parents want to show off that they have so much money that they can host a huge RD.  Let this go.  You're going to have a personal, small RD with all your wedding party and special people there.  That's what everyone else has.  Enjoy it.

polichik

If this helps, we're having an unofficial get-together after the RD at an Irish pub right across the street from the hotel that the OOT guests are staying at. We're in a similar situation where I haven't seen my extended family for over a decade, so we want to maximize the time spent with them but can't accommodate everyone at the RD.

If you're going to have an unofficial get-together, make sure that you're there as well, otherwise there's not much of a point!

LDYGTR13

In Response to Re: XP: Another option for OOT guests other than RD:
[QUOTEAnd it sounds like you are sad/disappointed/feel bad that FI's parents can't accomodate all the OOTs at the RD.  I've never heard of OOTs being invited to the RD in real life, and it's rare on TheKnot for this to really happen either.  Usually when the OOTs are invited, it's because the groom's parents want to show off that they have so much money that they can host a huge RD.  Let this go.  You're going to have a personal, small RD with all your wedding party and special people there.  That's what everyone else has.  Enjoy it.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

Actually - I'm very much appreciative that his family is even able to give us an RD - we weren't expecting one to be paid for - I even said they were being gracious. I dont see how I seem sad/disappointed - I'm definitely not. I've just been told that you're supposed to invite OOT folk to the RD if you can and that's really not an option for us, so I was looking for something for them to do.

I'm sorta embarassed that you think I seem disappointed. I'm SO not! I'm thrilled we even GET a hosted RD!