Wedding Etiquette Forum
Options

Should I suck it up and invite them?

We're having a small wedding - 80 people. It's mostly family and close friends. My parents are paying for all of it. 
My fiance's dad (fiance's mother is deceased) wants my fiance's brother's wife's parents invited to our wedding. He says "they are family" and they NEED to be invited. These are nice people, we just don't see them very often, and we aren't very close with them. 
I told him there is no room, and he has offered to pay for their plates. I told him it's not about cost. He says that they should be invited. I don't want them there. I only want people there and fiance and I are close with - I'd much rather use those 2 seats to invite one of my other parent's friends that I know better.
Fiance is on my side and doesn't want them there either - he'd rather put another friend in that place than those people. 
Fiance's dad doesnt' seem to back down though. Should I stand my ground or give in?
ALSO - this couple that fiance's dad wants to invite is the parents of fiance's brother's wife, who is also my bridesmaid. She has not vocalized anything to me, but I think she thinks they are going ot be invited. I am not inviting the parents of any of my other bridesmaids.

What would you do?

Re: Should I suck it up and invite them?

  • Options
    It's nice for him to offer to cover the plates.  Is the capacity 80 at the venue?  If so, stick to your guns, if not, invite them and keep the peace.
  • Options
    Considering your FI doesn't seem to have a lot of family (or at least his father doesn't) I would concede. Also, it will make you look good in FFIL's eyes. 82 vs. 80 isn't a huge deal.
    my read shelf:
    Meredith's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    40/112

    Photobucket
  • Options
    I would suck it up and invite them.  I don't think it's worth a huge family argument over.
    image

    Books read in 2012: 21/50

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers

  • Options
    You know, my SIL thought I should invite her IL's too, but I didn't see the point either.  It's ridiculous for your FFIL to be so adamant.
  • Options
    anna.oskaranna.oskar member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited January 2010
    I flat out wouldn't invite them.  Be aware that you could cause lots of drama by leaving them out.  I don't know about your FILs, but mine would/are holding grudges against me for some of our wedding choices.
  • Options

    These are your FBIL's ILs, correct?  Even if your FSIL (through marriage) is your bridesmaid, why should her parents be there?  Does she need supervision?

    However, I think your FI should be talking to his father.  Let him deal with the guestlist issues on his side/you on yours.  However, make sure he isn't going to back down just to get off the phone with his dad. 

  • Options
    If there's going to be no cost to you, and the venue can handle it, yes, suck it up. You'll have to talk to them for a total of 15 seconds when you thank them for coming. It's no big.
    On bed rest since Groundhog's Day and every day since has been exactly the same.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Blog
  • Options
    if it has to do with capacity and you cant fit them, then dont give in. If you get some nos and he is still willing to cover the costs maybe invite them later?
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-suck-up-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f8e9f41-a278-4192-aedc-80de2490b788Post:a7b0f351-f070-4da0-99f7-0a71db7014da">Should I suck it up and invite them?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We're having a small wedding - 80 people. It's mostly family and close friends. My parents are paying for all of it.  My fiance's dad (fiance's mother is deceased) wants my fiance's brother's wife's parents invited to our wedding. He says "they are family" and they NEED to be invited. These are nice people, we just don't see them very often, and we aren't very close with them.  I told him there is no room, and he has offered to pay for their plates. I told him it's not about cost. He says that they should be invited. I don't want them there. I only want people there and fiance and I are close with - I'd much rather use those 2 seats to invite one of my other parent's friends that I know better. Fiance is on my side and doesn't want them there either - he'd rather put another friend in that place than those people.  Fiance's dad doesnt' seem to back down though. Should I stand my ground or give in? ALSO - this couple that fiance's dad wants to invite is the parents of fiance's brother's wife, who is also my bridesmaid. She has not vocalized anything to me, but I think she thinks they are going ot be invited. I am not inviting the parents of any of my other bridesmaids. What would you do?
    Posted by lovebug4456[/QUOTE]

    Well, if you both don't want them there, then FI needs to deal with it.

    However, I would probably invite them and let FFIL pay for them. 

    80 people isn't small, and chances are you won't notice them too much during your wedding.
    BFP(1) DD1 born 4.17.10 @ 33w5d due to pPROM
    BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM

    image
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • Options
    I know that it's "only two people" and so on, for those who always say "just squeeze them in".  However.  The more apostrophes involved in your connection to someone, the less I think you need to invite them.
  • Options
    Oh, and it sounds like they wouldn't be taking up 2 seats - you weren't planning on inviting/paying for those seats anyway.
    BFP(1) DD1 born 4.17.10 @ 33w5d due to pPROM
    BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM

    image
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • Options

    I would invite them. Its really better to keep the peace than piss of the FIL over 2 people.  Does this couple spend a lot of holidays & get togethers with your FI's Dad? If so maybe he really does consider them "family".

  • Options
    I'd invite them. It seems to be important to your FIL. Unless he's making all sorts of other crazy demands or you have something personal against these people, it doesn't seem like the kind of thing to take a stand on. In the grand scheme, it's such a minor thing. And in some families, it's the norm for in-laws to become part of the extended family; sounds like that might be the case here.
  • Options
    Yeah, I really have to disagree with the "suck it up" people.  There are instances, but, I just think this is silly.
  • Options
    I still think, if you can't identify them directly, as in, MY friend, or MY mentor/coworker/teammate/pizza guy...and must get to them by listing off who is in your 6 degrees of separation first, you probably don't need to invite them.  ESPECIALLY if you're at capacity and FFIL would have to take off other people he wanted there in the first place.
  • Options
    Oh, well if you are at capacity, then yeah, you really need to not invite more people than your venue can hold. Let FI tell his father he would rather have the other 4 guests than his brother's ILs.
    my read shelf:
    Meredith's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    40/112

    Photobucket
  • Options

    Are you allowing your FILs to invite any of their friends?  It sounds like they're hardly having anyone there, and these people they want to invite may only be quasi-related, but they are obviously your FILs' friends.  If they're paying, why does it matter?  Just let the two extra people come.  If they were inviting tons of guests, it would be different, but it doesn't sound like that.

  • Options
    No. Do not invite if you are at capacity! I speak from personal experience here.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • Options
    I typed my response before seeing that you are at capacity.  If that's the case, then don't invite them.
  • Options
    If you are at capacity, don't invite them.  That's final.

    I agree with Amoro, I would probably not invite them even if I wasn't at capacity.  If you need to go through two or three degrees of separation to get to them, it's too much.  Especially at a smallish wedding.  80 people still isn't real small, but it's not the size where I'd be okay with inviting anyone and everyone.  I wouldn't invite my sister's boyfriend's parents.
  • Options
    On principle alone, I would stick to the "it's not the cost of two extra guests, it's that we are AT CAPACITY" argument. 

    But, as these are people you will see at FI's family functions for years to come, I think I'd give in and invite them.  But I'd make it clear that FFIL has to either cut two of their other extended family members, or "B list" the couple, waiting for two other guests to decline.
  • Options
    I probably would make them first on the B-list.  As soon as two people RSVP no, just invite them.  I am quite aware this is not the proper "etiquette" thing to do, but that's probably what i would go with to make FFIL happy.  If you weren't at capacity, I would say to invite them right away.
    226 Invitedimage 153 Are Ready to Partyimage 68 Are Washing Their Hairimage 5 Better Not Make Me Hunt Them Downimage RSVP Date: June 15
    July 10, 2010
    imageimage
    Planning Bio
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards