No ring. Bridal show?

daniandron

FI and I have a "non-traditional" engagement I guess. I don't have a ring, because he is overseas. Can I still attend a bridal expo without judgment? I've heard that many vendors judge based on the size of your ring. I just don't want to miss out on opportunies based on my ring (or lack thereof). And how do I address questions about no ring, if they come up? I generally say "he's not here". But if there's a better answer, I'd love to hear it.

jessicabessica

Ditto MilkDuds, I think you are overthinking.  I went to a bridal show, and I don't think I was wearing a ring at that point (DH and I picked something out together after we got engaged).  And if there are vendors that judge you by the size of your ring, wouldn't you want to know they're like that upfront?

chelseamb11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ring-bridal-show?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f9f199f-28fb-4090-8da3-5811f70b5a80Post:51e6a984-bcc5-4d0d-8001-d6f13e8c7e1e">Re: No ring. Bridal show?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto MilkDuds, I think you are overthinking.  I went to a bridal show, and I don't think I was wearing a ring at that point (DH and I picked something out together after we got engaged).  <strong>And if there are vendors that judge you by the size of your ring, wouldn't you want to know they're like that upfront?</strong>
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

That's what I was thinking.  If a vendor judged me based on ANYTHING about me: ring, weight, hair color, etc, they'd be out the window anyway.

mica178

I don't think bridal shows are necessary, but whatever.

If a vendor judges you by your ring, you probably don't want him/her as a vendor.

chelseamb11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ring-bridal-show?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f9f199f-28fb-4090-8da3-5811f70b5a80Post:f4a338fa-4832-4537-b254-5972be0eb6ba">Re: No ring. Bridal show?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No ring. Bridal show? : It's not like you'd know they were being judgy. I doubt they'd come right out and say, "Dear, based on your ring, I don't think you can afford our prices."  KWIM?
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

That's also very true.  My guess is those who are dumb enough to be judgy will be dumb enough to make it obvious (maybe by looking at your hand and then treating you weird) idk. 
I do agree though that OP is thinking about it too much.  Just go to the bridal show and enjoy yourself!

daniandron

Of course I'd not want a vendor if they judged me but I've heard of it. On the Budget board, I think. I just wonder if there are (random #) 6 vendors willing to not take my engagement seriously, maybe I should approach differently?

daniandron

Of course, it completely could be my own insecurity about not having a ring, so I appreciate your insights.

mica178

If you are offering a vendor business and can afford their services, I don't think they should be judging your ring or lack thereof.

Mrs.B6302007

Definitely overthinking.

I'm MARRIED and haven't worn my ring in about 2 months due to a rash.  I don't give 2 hoots what people think when they see me with my baby and no ring.  I know I'm married and that's what matters.  You know you're engaged and that's what matters.

jessicabessica

I don't think it's that uncommon for women not to wear engagement rings.  Obviously most people do, but it's not rebellious or unheard of not to wear one. 

If you have a date and/or a venue picked out (or tentatively picked out), that says way more about the seriousness of someone's wedding plans than the presence of a ring.  Even if you don't, your approach should be to ask serious questions about what the vendors provide and get information.  You are considering entering into contracts with these people for non-trivial amounts of money and important services--think of it that way.

daniandron

Definitely. I think I'm worried because I've seen posts that some brides want a specific photographer, or cake maker etc and people don't take them seriously because they don't have the largest ring available.

mica178

There were a couple weeks in my early engagement when I wasn't wearing my ring (got it resized, then H decided he wanted to get me a bigger rock), and so I was wearing a $2 mood ring on my left ring finger during that time.  I still booked my photographer and videographer during that time.  They took me seriously because they wanted my business, not because of a ring.

froggatt.clare

I think the industry takes itself way too seriously sometimes, which includes judging brides by the size of their ring.  Someone could be a billionairre but only want something small and plain.  This is such a terrible customer service method.  Ditto everyone who says that you don't want to work with such vendors anyway.  Go to the bridal show and enjoy yourself.

mkrupar

There have been multiple times during my engagement and marriage where my rings are not on my finger. Usually they're being re-sized or replated (I'm very rough on my rings). No one ever asks and I don't ever see anyone side eye it either.

krizzo17

Honestly, I'd be more worried about people overcharging me if they saw me with a really big ring, thinking "hey, that couple has a lot of money". This is the same reason I always drive the oldest car my family has when car shopping, etc.

And I agree with all the pps, if a vendor isn't going to take you seriously, it's better to know that now!

daniandron

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ring-bridal-show?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f9f199f-28fb-4090-8da3-5811f70b5a80Post:175fbf91-1836-4670-aba8-76df9044cd0e">Re: No ring. Bridal show?</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I'd be more worried about people overcharging me if they saw me with a really big ring, thinking "hey, that couple has a lot of money". This is the same reason I always drive the oldest car my family has when car shopping, etc. And I agree with all the pps, if a vendor isn't going to take you seriously, it's better to know that now!
Posted by krizzo17[/QUOTE]


I didn't consider being overcharged for a "big" ring. So, completely right.

Thanks everyone for advice. I guess I need to be more assertive through the whole vendor process so no one thinks they can judge/overcharge me.

LDYGTR13

sparent2010

This is ridiculous- I agree with Mica and LDY lol

Meghannsix

I just went to a bridal show this past weekend, and if anyone looked at my ring, I didn't notice.  Actually, more vendors asked my daughter, who although is 18 and gorgeous, is definitely not getting married anytime soon, when she was getting married, and she doesn't wear any rings, on any finger.  Relax, it will be fine, be prepared to eat more cake then you could ever dream of.

achiduck

If a potential vendor is so rude as to judge you by the size of your ring (or lack thereof) they're probably not worth hiring.

FWIW, other then seeing jewelers about a wedding band, I've only had 1 vendor ask about my ring.

rlavach

I only went to 2 bridal shows and almost every single vendor commented on my ring. It is lovely, but it's nothing showstopping. It's not like it's so big or unique that you feel compelled to comment. The ones who didn't comment, did look. I saw it. The jewelry comanies obviously look, but even the florist, DJ, everyone. I have no idea what their problem is.

I did go see a few venues before we were engaged and therefore didn't have a ring yet. I wore my grandma's diamond cocktail ring on that side because I did notice that people treated me differently without it. 

Although they have no right to do it, many do. Maybe it's a regional thing??

specialk84

I went to a bridal show and booked our reception venue without a ring. No one seemed to even notice.

I did, however, encounter a dance instructor at the bridal show who told me I should definitely come take lessons. My husband needed to learn how to properly dip me, and this instructor has good luck teaching grooms how to dip "the heavy girls." Asshole.

eorea

You are overthinking. I didn't even have an engagement ring. No one ever noticed. It isn't a big deal.

achiduck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ring-bridal-show?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f9f199f-28fb-4090-8da3-5811f70b5a80Post:59c2dcbd-7061-47b9-83b8-49a5b8012f01">Re: No ring. Bridal show?</a>:
[QUOTE]I went to a bridal show and booked our reception venue without a ring. No one seemed to even notice<strong>. I did, however, encounter a dance instructor at the bridal show who told me I should definitely come take lessons. My husband needed to learn how to properly dip me, and this instructor has good luck teaching grooms how to dip "the heavy girls." Asshole.
</strong>Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]

Floor::Jaw.

I hope you junkpunched him.

Avion22

Hopefully NOBODY will judge the "seriousness" of your engagement by your ring, or lack thereof.  Any anybody is rude enough to ask you why you're not wearing a ring, I recommend the Dear Abbey Answer:  a confused expression with "Why do you want to know?' It usually shuts people up, and lets them know their question was inappropriate.

graysquirrel

I just wanted to point out that lots of people attend those expos-- moms, sisters, best friends, all of the BMs, etc. Not every person who interacts with the vendors will be the one getting married and unless people volunteer that info or they ask, they cannot even tell. If they judged every single person by their jewelry, then they'd be out a ton of business and potential clients who are not engaged yet.

Like pps said, if someone treats you poorly, then move on. No vendor is worth that-- do business with the people who want your business, not those who send off any warning bells.

Starfish0116

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ring-bridal-show?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f9f199f-28fb-4090-8da3-5811f70b5a80Post:3ead6c4c-b523-445d-b8a4-d125f8e2f916">Re: No ring. Bridal show?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No ring. Bridal show? : The ring was probably not the reason they were not taken seriously.  Vendors who have been around for a while are pretty good at reading people and can tell from the questions they ask, budget they talk about, etc if the potential customer is serious or not.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

<div>This! As a photographer who participates in a yearly expo, it can be pretty irritating to have people just there looking around. Everyone is a potential client at some point, but when someone who isn't even engaged or parents who are just out having a fun day "getting ideas for when their kids get married" - well, that takes away from me potentially helping brides who are ready to book my services now. </div><div>
</div><div>That being said, a vendor shouldn't judge you on how you look or your ring. Lots of people plan weddings without a ring for whatever reason. We're pretty good at reading if someone is serious, and so if any vendor asks where your ring is - just keep walking.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: My engagement is pretty new (as in only a few weeks) and there are several days that I actually forget to put my ring on. I'll be out running errands and realize I'm not wearing it. It doesn't make me any less engaged - just forgetful. :)</div>

daniandron

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ring-bridal-show?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f9f199f-28fb-4090-8da3-5811f70b5a80Post:0f696242-0e57-4795-88e1-d8c691b92306">Re: No ring. Bridal show?</a>:
[QUOTE]I only went to 2 bridal shows and almost every single vendor commented on my ring. It is lovely, but it's nothing showstopping. It's not like it's so big or unique that you feel compelled to comment. The ones who didn't comment, did look. I saw it. The jewelry comanies obviously look, but even the florist, DJ, everyone. I have no idea what their problem is. I did go see a few venues before we were engaged and therefore didn't have a ring yet. I wore my grandma's diamond cocktail ring on that side because I did notice that people treated me differently without it.  Although they have no right to do it, many do. Maybe it's a regional thing??
Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]



I knew I wasn't completely crazy! I do plan to just pretend to ignore though. Or just not worry, in the case that everyone says no one will notice.

tking1286

My friend and I went to a bridal show before she was engaged. She worn a "fake" engagement ring. Just another ring so she at least had something on her finger. I would not worry too much about it. If someone starts saying something, just just walk away from them. You are the prospective customer!

RebeccaB88

I went to one last weekend. No ring yet. Not one vendor asked about a ring, and everyone took me seriously. 

bvanosten

If you feel weird about it, then you are going to show it.  I'd just wear a gemstone ring that I had and put it on the left hand.  You'll feel like you are showing you are engaged and the vendors will not assume you have tons of money and they'll give you more reasonable prices.  I could definitely see them quoting different amounts to someone who had a huge rock than to someone who has a normal sized ring.  I only went to one bridal show and it was so chaotic that the vendors were just handing out flyers, etc. and not really spending too much time delving into anything.  I've heard of some girls signing contracts that day though so I guess it happens...  Just wear a ring on your left hand so you'll feel more comfortable.