Wedding Party Etiquette

kpetrechko

I have a dilemma. My MOH is getting married a few months before FI and me and I feel that since she got engaged (about a year after us) she has made some egregious etiquette violations and I am not sure I feel comfortable including her in my wedding party any longer. She called FI to ask if they could have their wedding at FI's parents' house (where we are getting married) because they found out after they booked their site that it was out of their budget. I was absolutely LIVID when this was conveyed second-hand to me. I wouldn't have cared if it was a public venue where lots of people get married, but it is my in-laws family home and I thought that was just insane that she would even ask. She has also adopted several elements of our wedding as her own - including the colors. I don't know that she realizes how much her behavior has bothered me because I have just avoided talking to her for the most part.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-party-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3fd967a2-5601-41e2-9f3d-ecdf6fd5e9b5Post:4056f698-fad5-48e1-86c1-5aed15c892ca">Wedding Party Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a dilemma. My MOH is getting married a few months before FI and me and I feel that since she got engaged (about a year after us) she has made some egregious etiquette violations and I am not sure I feel comfortable including her in my wedding party any longer. She called FI to ask if they could have their wedding at FI's parents' house (where we are getting married) because they found out after they booked their site that it was out of their budget. I was absolutely LIVID when this was conveyed second-hand to me. I wouldn't have cared if it was a public venue where lots of people get married, but it is my in-laws family home and I thought that was just insane that she would even ask. She has also adopted several elements of our wedding as her own - including the colors. I don't know that she realizes how much her behavior has bothered me because I have just avoided talking to her for the most part.
Posted by kpetrechko@yahoo.com[/QUOTE]

Wrkn925

It's annoying and rude, but there's nothing you can do about it.

How are they connected to your FI and close enough to request to use their house as a venue?

BTW, you may want to delete this account before you start receiving Viagra e-mails.

SarahPLiz

While it is annoying, if you haven't talked to her about it, then she might not know that. She has no chance to change if she doesn't know what she is doing is aggravating her. You are writing her off before you even give her a chance to rectify things. TALK TO HER!

cupcakesfrosting

I don't understand what your dilemna is. Your In-Laws can say no.

ANNNNNDDD, problem solved.

Also, as with Wrkn, change your SN.

[Deleted User]

Definitely talk to her. Talk to your in-laws so they know what is going on and so they aren't caught offguard when she asks them.

And imitation is the greatest form of flattery, so you probably just have good taste.

banana468

Ditto PPs that your SN should be changed.

And really, just be flattered.  She's not stealing your wedding date - she's just asking for a favor.  It's up to the other couple to figure out if they want to extend the favor.

Beyond that, it's annoying when people copy but it *IS* a form of flattery.

KentuckyKate

It may not be rational, but I think it is totally outrageous of her to ask your FI's parents to have her wedding at their house, too.

redheadfsu

If she is your MOH, you should be able to talk to her. Just tell her, that you are uncomfortable with her getting married at your in-laws house & help her figure something else out.

How close is she to your FI's family? It is crazy that she wants to get married there? Is she like a daughter to them? (then it isn't really crazy) If she barely knows them,  she is crazy.

But you can't kick her out of your WP, unless you never ever want to talk to her again. It is a complete friendship ending move to kick her out.

sister2groom

It's your FI's parents' house, they can do with it what they want. However, I think it is a leetle presumptuous of her to ask. I mean, I think it might be OK for someone to ask if they knew the people whose house it was, but it seems like she doesn't since she asked your FI, not his parents.

kpetrechko

Future in laws said no since there's enough work for them just getting the area ready for our wedding. MOH was a childhood neighbor of FILs - lived a few door down, but wasn't really friends with FI until we started dating, so its not like they were best buds close as siblings growing up. I was just shocked. I would never ask someone else's parents if I could have a big party of any kind at their home unless I had been extremely close to them for a very long time and considered them family.

Beachy730

OP, I'm glad your FILs said no.

As for the rest of the things you mentioned, I think you need to sit down with your friend and talk to her about it.  She won't know how upset you are if you don't talk to her.  I'm not saying to demand she changes her colors or plans, just tell her you are a little upset by it.  And if it bother you that much, you could always change your colors. 

You said you don't even know if you want her involved in your WP anymore.  Honestly, this doesn't warrant kicking someone out.  That is a friendship ending move, and the only way its considered acceptable is if she propositions your FI for sex or legitimately tries to sabotage your wedding.  Choosing the same colors is not that big of a deal.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-party-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3fd967a2-5601-41e2-9f3d-ecdf6fd5e9b5Post:bf366d3f-4b14-4f60-8548-58823d2f5326">Re: Wedding Party Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]  That is a friendship ending move, and the only way its considered acceptable is if she propositions your FI for sex or legitimately tries to sabotage your wedding. 
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

Attempted murder of either the bride or groom is also an acceptable reason for kicking out a bridal party member.