Alright ladies I have a tricky "wording" question for you...

tayylor65

My mom and I (FI has chosen not to be interested ) are at the point of ordering invitations.  We've found the ones we all like and are now trying to figure out wording.  Here's the tricky part:

My parents are at the very tail end of a divorce (it may have been finalized in the last month or so, my parents don't care to update us) and my mother has decided to take back her married name.  Her name hasn't switched yet and I've asked my mom if by the wedding it'll have changed, and she shies away from the subject.  SO originally for divorced parents hosting a wedding, I think the wording goes: 

Mr. John Smith and

Ms. Jane Smith

Reguest the honour...

Would it be awkward looking if her name's changed (and would it cause controversy within family) if it's worded

Mr. John Smith and

Ms. Jane Walker

Request the honour... ?

Our concern is that it may appear to, for people who don't know my parents/our family (FI's family friends) be my dad and his GF hosting the wedding rather than my mother.  Thus being said, my mom was thinking to just do:

The parents of Kate Smith request the honour of your presence... but I can't figure out how the rest of the invite would read without being repetitive?  Especially for formal invitations.

What do you think would be least confusing and proper?  We don't want to change it to "Together with their parents" because we're all VERY traditional and my parents are paying for and fully assisting in the planning of the entire wedding so it's important to us they have acknowledgment of hosting the day.  Any and all ideas are appreciated!!

lyndausvi

A lot of woman do not have the same last names as their children.   Most people are going to assume she is your mother anyway.  

My MIL has a different last name as my DH, I do not think anyone thought she was anyone other than his mother when reading the invitation.

AdeleDazeem

I would never read a wedding invitation and assume it's a father and his girlfriend hosting.  I'd immediately assume the woman listed with the father was the bride's mother, regardless of last name.

tayylor65

That's what I figured, especially since most people invited to the wedding know who my parents are.  I think my mom's just uncomfortable since no one besides her immediate family know she's taking her name back so it may be a shock to some people--but that could be over thinking.  

tayylor65

So, if we go with the formal wording, and IF her name hasn't legally changed back by the time invites go out, must we go with "Smith" or is she free to use her maiden name?

lyndausvi

My MIL is twice divorced.  While legally she is her second husband's last name she asked us to use her maiden name on the invitation.    It's not my name so I didn't care so we honored her request.

Point is even if she takes her name back if she is more comfortable on the invitation being  Smith, then I see no problem with it being written that way.

eta -  I just saw your follow up.  It's not a legal document.  Let her use whatever name she is comfortable with regardless of what is her 'legal' name.

tayylor65

Okay thank you!! I do think she'll be more comfortable with her maiden name again so I'm glad we can print the invitations with it.

jessicabessica

I would use whatever name your mom wants, even if it's not legally changed when the invites go out (although if you suspect the divorce is final, it may have been changed as part of the court's order). 

I don't think people will think it's your dad and his GF, but if you're worried about it, you could put your mom first, because I think it's unlikely that you would say Ms. GF and Mr. Dad. 

Irishcurls

My parents are divorced but my mom kept her married name. My dad is remarried but my stepmother DIDN'T take my dad's last name. So it looks kind of wonky but ours read:

Ms. Mom Smith
Mr. Dad Smith and Ms. Step Jones
request the honor of your presence

Everyone gets their name exactly as they want it and we're all happy. Familes are what they are nowadays.

One note though,definitely take out the 'and' between their names, that implies marriage. Just list them on separate lines.

tayylor65

Thank for the catch! I'll make sure they're just listed I keep mixing up the etiquette with "and" ha

annakb8

I just want to say you should also make sure to list your mom's name first, since ladies always go first except in a Mr. and Mrs. John Smith situation.

My parents are divorced and my mom is remarried and has a new name, but my step father isn't on the invitation. Just my mom and dad, with no different names and no "and" inbetween. I'm sure everone will figure out they're both my parents.

tenofcups4me

Your mom can use whichever last name she's more comfortable with. It really doesn't matter what the legal status is at that time, but more about whichever name she's either using or decides she wants to be known by. There shouldn't be any question that they're both your parents if you set it up something like this:

Ms. Jane Doe
Mr. John Smith
request the honour of your presence at
the marriage of their daughter
Susan Elizabeth

Can't say whether or not her name change will cause controversy in your family because we don't know your family :-)

slwager

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alright-ladies-tricky-wording-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4011ac13-7cfe-48c8-9729-d8f022a33e6fPost:c330db9d-03c3-4937-9038-d778c7e0fcd0">Re: Alright ladies I have a tricky "wording" question for you...</a>:
[QUOTE]My parents are divorced but my mom kept her married name. My dad is remarried but my stepmother DIDN'T take my dad's last name. So it looks kind of wonky but ours read: Ms. Mom Smith Mr. Dad Smith and Ms. Step Jones request the honor of your presence Everyone gets their name exactly as they want it and we're all happy. Familes are what they are nowadays. One note though,definitely take out the 'and' between their names, that implies marriage. Just list them on separate lines.
Posted by Irishcurls[/QUOTE]

that's my exact situation!  all my parents think it's funny (they have an odd relationship - my mom and stepmom chat weekly on the phone)

probably strange for people who dont' know them but oh well

cbratthauer

My mom and dad just got divorced too, but my mom is keeping her married name. I said Scott Bratthauer with Melinda Bratthauer, instead of and. I don't remember where but I read if parents are divorced you can use with so it doesn't seem like they're together. If your mom is going back to her maiden name I would use that. That is a question I asked my mom right away so I knew what last name to put on there.

MissKate2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alright-ladies-tricky-wording-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4011ac13-7cfe-48c8-9729-d8f022a33e6fPost:bf26ed82-dadf-40c4-b119-3243e9963e6f">Re: Alright ladies I have a tricky "wording" question for you...</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree that you can use either name for her, but there wouldn't be an "and" between their names on the invite because that indicates marriage. You'd just list them separately on different lines.
Posted by lovethebeach16[/QUOTE]

This

thesequel

Go with what will make your mom happy.  

I don't share the same last name as either my mom or my stepdad.  The tradition in our family is that women keep their last names (I don't know who started this), so our invitation is going to be long on the parental section.