Bridesmaid Reassigning Herself...

gulfcoastie

When I chose my bridesmaids a few months ago, I showed them the dress that I really loved, and I made sure that it was within their price range and that each of them felt comfortable wearing it. They were all in favor of the dress. The deadline for ordering (given by the shop as well as a separate website that sells the same dress) was August 30. All 4 girls confirmed that the dress was ordered by the deadline, so I thought that part was done.

Yesterday, one of my bridesmaids (who has always been very efficient and responsible) texted me telling me that she tried to order the dress (yesterday) and it has been discontinued. She said that they have a few that are left in stock but they are too small, and she doesn't feel comfortable trying to lose enough weight to squeeze into it. She then said that she was sorry that she couldn't be a bridesmaid anymore.

Even though I was inwardly irked (she confirmed in August that the dress had been purchased) I told her that of course I would never want her to wear something that she felt uncomfortable in, so no worries, i'm not upset, etc etc etc.

Later, she texted me asking me to remove one of the people that I've already asked to be a reader because she REALLY wants to be part of my wedding.

I understand that she wants to be involved and it makes me happy, but I'm not willing to kick someone else out because she didn't order her dress on time. Am I reacting inappropriately? How should I respond?

Thanks.

melanieky

Do not kick the reader out of the wedding because this bridesmaid did not order her dress in time!! Just tell her that you can't remove the person you chose to be a reader because you feel like that would be rude, since you already asked them to be a reader(even if you didn't). Put who you want in your wedding, do not let her convince you otherwise. If she really wanted to be apart of the wedding, she would have gotten her dress in time.

ETA: Just saw that you already asked this person to be a reader, so just tell her you can't remove someone who was already asked.

itzMS

If I were in your shoes, I'd maybe put a half-hearted effort into looking on Ebay for the dress or asking us Knotties to help you find a dress in her size. Realistically, if it's not an entirely obscure BM dress, you should probably be able to find one in her size (or bigger) and get it altered in time.

If you can't find a dress, or don't want to go this route at all, tell her you appreciate her and are just as excited to have her at your wedding as a guest.

kmmssg

You are not reacting inappropriately!  She is.

I would tell her that you appreciate her desire to be part of the wedding, but you have already asked the reader and you will not rescind the request for them to participate in your wedding.  Tell her you are thrilled to have her as a guest and you know she will have a wonderful time.

That is pretty poor of her to lie to you about ordering the dress and then ask you to kick someone out of your wedding to accomodate her.

mandi195

I like the idea of trying to find a dress elsewhere for her. What is the style/color/size? Maybe we can find one for you

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-reassigning-herself?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40b82792-33fa-4079-a7cd-fe8a73bfc014Post:e544d074-4ac7-48ba-9fe8-3a05ba10749b">Re: Bridesmaid Reassigning Herself...</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I would allow her to get a different dress in the same color and length and call it a day, but my WP were all people that I absolutely wanted standing with me at my wedding regardless of attire. However, if you don't want to do that (which is totally okay), just tell her that you're sorry but you don't think it's fair to the reader to "demote" them and you look forward to her attending as a guest.  As the old saying goes, a lack of planning on her part does not constitute an emergency on your part.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>This.  100% this.</div>

Maggie0829

Stage said it perfectly.  Go with her advice.

leogirl13

Do not bump your reader. You can either help her find the dress though alternitive channels (ebay, craigs list, wedding sites ect), let her wear a different dress, or tell her to have fun being guest.

loca4pook

I would look harder in to the dress situation if you really want her in the wedding...there is enough retail shops and online shops. I am guessing the dress is out ther somewhere if she "really" wants it. You could also take a picture of the dress to a seamtress and see if they can make it. If she wants to be in the wedding enough, she will pay whatever extra fee havin the dress handmade may cost...again, if you don't care that much if she is in the wedding, that is totally up to you, as to the effort you put forthe, as well

I definitely would not boot someone else to accomodat her, though

pokepoke27

I personally wouldn't be very happy with somone that flat out lied to me. She said that the dress had been purchased. It has not been. 

You can go with the very good suggestions of the other ladies of the board, or you can just tell her (in the nicest of terms) that she's SOL. It's what I would do. I would be very hurt by a friend or family member that lied to me about something like purchasing a BM dress. If she couldnt' afford it at the time why not just say so? That way something could have been figured out. 

Jen4948

I'd tell her, "Changing the dress is fine; changing the reader and lying to me are not.  This subject is closed."