Is this weird or is it me?

smallsmp8

So I had an e-mail from someone who has yet to RSVP. We invited her and her husband.  The e-mail asked what time the reception was since the invitation only said that the ceremony is at 12. I wrote her back and said that it is directly afterwards at the same venue, so 12:45 to 5:30 and the meal will be served at 2pm. She said that her husband cannot take off of work since he is the week before for a bowling competition in another state.  She said he will have to work that day (we are getting married on a friday) til 3:30, so "would it be okay if we came at 3:30 or 4?" I think I am going to say yes because they are our friends and obviously still want to come somehow albeit late. But is this weird? Do I give them a place setting and everything?

jajph1974

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-weird-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40c474aa-83a0-4e99-824b-b344783c083cPost:96afdabb-3326-4e0d-b770-4a8df34605eb">Re: Is this weird or is it me?</a>:
[QUOTE]I had a 3pm wedding, people who could took of work for it, those who couldn't didn't come *shrugs*. I think it's a bit strange but it is nice that she wants to come. If that is after dinner is seved though<strong> I wonder if you would have to include her in the head count.</strong>..I don't have an answer for that one, maybe talk to the venue?
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

I had something similar. My boss came and only stayed for the first hour and then left to go to her 30th reunion.

I explained it to the caterer and they didn't charge me for her at all (even though she had a drink or two). I also set a place for her.

OP - Just explain it to your caterer and see what they say

crfische

*my name is not* and *shellydiane*- Yes, we are. If we are important enough to people, they will come.

Oh FFS, are you serious?

Because if people can't make it to a NOON WEDDING on a FRIDAY the only reason they wouldn't come is because YOU arent IMPORTANT enough. It would have nothing to do with it being a horrible time to have a wedding. Nope, that wouldn't be it at all.

Lyss5782

Yeah, sorry, I think it is weird to have a noon wedding on a Friday and NOT expect that response....

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-weird-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40c474aa-83a0-4e99-824b-b344783c083cPost:6fee7a18-a050-4d7f-ac18-6a8dd7fda2c7">Is this weird or is it me?</a>:
[QUOTE]So I had an e-mail from someone who has yet to RSVP. We invited her and her husband.  The e-mail asked what time the reception was since the invitation only said that the ceremony is at 12. I wrote her back and said that it is directly afterwards at the same venue, so 12:45 to 5:30 and the meal will be served at 2pm. She said that her husband cannot take off of work since he is the week before for a bowling competition in another state.  She said he will have to work that day (we are getting married on a friday) til 3:30, so "would it be okay if we came at 3:30 or 4?" I think I am going to say yes because they are our friends and obviously still want to come somehow albeit late. But is this weird? Do I give them a place setting and everything?
Posted by smallsmp8[/QUOTE]


I don't think it's weird at all.  I would think it was really sweet that they were at least trying to make it.  I certainly wouldn't expect people to take off work to come to my Friday afternoon wedding, or be hurt if they couldn't. 

AlexiaANDRobert

Yeah, Friday weddings aren't the norm to begin with.  Making it at noon is even harder.

And if people have to travel for a Saturday wedding, they don't HAVE to travel FriDAY, they can travel in the evening, or after work or Saturday morning.  So it's not super strange to question the time.

BecW2be

I don't think any response from a friend trying to attend even part of your noon Friday wedding should be weird to you. Like Fische said, it's not an issue of importance, it's an issue of realistic schedules that can't be changed, like your friend's. Having a wedding at such an odd time will guarantee you'll have some unorthodox RSVPs. Roll with it. It's the only thing you can do at this point.

Nebb

I think this is a new sense of entitlement ive never seen before. Not only are you expecting gifts (shut up, everyone does whether they say they do or not), your guests will have to pay travel expenses, possibly accomodations, something to wear AND take an entire day off work or in your mind they dont care? Wowwie. You take the cake.

What on earth made you think friday at noon was the very best option available? Really?

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-weird-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40c474aa-83a0-4e99-824b-b344783c083cPost:38b8b4d8-945f-426a-aa4a-4b618b809ef2">Re: Is this weird or is it me?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, sorry, I think it is weird to have a noon wedding on a Friday and NOT expect that response....
Posted by Lyss5782[/QUOTE]

THIS!

jajph1974

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-weird-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40c474aa-83a0-4e99-824b-b344783c083cPost:618cac55-0968-41a7-ac50-fa534991d959">Re: Is this weird or is it me?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think this is a new sense of entitlement ive never seen before. Not only are you expecting gifts (shut up, everyone does whether they say they do or not), your guests will have to pay travel expenses, possibly accomodations, something to wear AND take an entire day off work or in your mind they dont care? Wowwie. You take the cake. <strong>What on earth made you think friday at noon was the very best option available? Really?</strong>
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]


Probably because it's cheaper.

Honestly, there are very few people that I would use a vacation day for.

Nebb

Thats a GREAT excuse then... they save money and everyone else is out money because they have to miss a day of work.

Pink7781

I can understand that having a Friday wedding is inconvenient to some people and may require them to take a few days off of work but they aren't obligated to do this. I agree that while a 12:00 Friday ceremony is certainly NOT ideal for most people, I'm sure that those who are close to the OP or her FH will understand and plan to take off work accordingly if they wish to attend their wedding. Our ceremony is on a Friday at 4:00 followed by a 6:30 reception. Our families are all coming in from out of state and for those that are unable to take off of work, we will certainly understand and will not be hurt.

OP, to answer your question, talk to your caterer to see what they recommend and then communicate this to your friend accordingly. I think it's really sweet that she wants to attend at least part of your wedding.

AlexiaANDRobert

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-weird-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40c474aa-83a0-4e99-824b-b344783c083cPost:eaa976b2-5c88-40b6-a424-ebaac17e6f86">Re: Is this weird or is it me?</a>:
[QUOTE]*my name is not* and *shellydiane*- Yes, we are.<strong> If we are important enough to people, they will come.</strong> And sounds good ladies. I will give them a place setting anyway so they don't feel like they don't belong when they arrive. Thank You!
Posted by smallsmp8[/QUOTE]

This the mentality that annoys me and makes no sense at all.

If your mom had her birthday party at noon on a Friday and you COULD NOT get off work, does that mean she's not important to you or you have prior conflicting engagements?

Really.  It's the same damn thing.  Someone not coming to your wedding doesn't mean you're not important to them, it means they have other shiit to do.