FI friends wedding tomorrow

allychase

We were invited to his friends wedding tomorrow, and so were his two friends. Or so we thought. They both received a save the date and when FI asked them what meals they chose they said they never received a card to pick them. FI just told me this now, and I was like.. The cards were in the invitations.. Didn't they get their invites? And he said no they haven't gotten anything since the STD. So this should be interesting.. They're both bringing their girlfriends too. Idk how to tell them they were probably not invited...

cookie0803

This might be stupid, but, is your FI good enough friends with the bride and groom to bring this to their attention?

I only ask because when FI's brother got married last year, a few really close friends received STDs, but their invitations got lost in the mail. They didn't say anything and FMIL finally found out what happened when these guests didn't RSVP.

ETA: Yep, stupid suggestion. The bride and groom probably would have called to find out whether or not these other friends were coming, and what they were eating. If the couple really just changed their minds about inviting their friends, that's horrible.

allychase

Yeah I am seriously second guessing going to this couples wedding if they intentionally left off the only two people we would've known without so much as even telling them. This is the same couple who only picked their date because they were pissed we were getting married before them since they were engaged before us, originally they weren't getting married til 2014. We found this out through one of the guys groomsmen. I've side eyed them since. But I digress. I have no idea how to proceed and really don't want our friends to show up tomorrow, all dressed up with their girlfriends and card in hand only to realize there's no place for them cause the couple changed their mind.

cookie0803

They sound...delightful. Are there any pictures of you, your FI, the B&G, and these uninvited friends together? Because my gift to them would be that picture in a monogrammed frame. If said picture does not exist, I would photoshop it. 

Wheels987

That's rough. I would defeinitely call them to see if there was some sort of mix-up just because it would be all sorts of awful if the other couples showed up.

allychase

Oh gosh. FI texted his friend trying to be gentle about it asking if he received a plus one for his girlfriend. His friends response.. I...think so? I don't specifically remember seeing her name but she's going to be here so were both going. This is a freaking disaster in the making.

kmmssg

My nephew got married last year and my BIL and SIL are the most organized, wonderful hosts on the planet.  I got an email from SIL asking for my girls addresses for invitations.  Cool.  She gave it to BIL to put on the spreadsheet but he forgot.
The day before the wedding my BIL called asking about the girls RSVP;'s (ok, they were handling part of them, but they really are usually super organized awesome hosts) and my girls never got an invitation.  The family is ginormous and we thought maybe they had to make some cuts or something and didn't let it bother us.

They were so mortified at their mistake and felt horribly.  My girls are stepcousins in that family and they have always warmly welcomed them and treated them the same as the other cousins.  I made a call to my girls, they were completely understanding about it and we all had a great time at the wedding. 

If your FI is good friends with the groom/couple maybe he should mention this to them as it may have been a mistake on their part.  If it isn't a mistake, FI needs to step back and let the couple deal with the mess they have made.

kmmssg

Oh, and  you shouldn't tell them anything - let the couple handle this.

allychase

Knowing this couple, I doubt it was a mistake. I know their budget was hurting and wouldn't be surprised if they did this. Now FI is annoyed with me because he isn't pressing the issue any further with his friend and I think it's messed up cause they're going to be embarrassed tomorrow if they show up and have to leave. His one friends girlfriend is even coming from out of state.

allychase

In Response to Re:FI friends wedding tomorrow:[QUOTE]Oh, andnbsp; you shouldn't tell them anything let the couple handle this. Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

Are you sure? I feel really bad for his friends and feel like they should be warned about this. On the other hand the bride and groom should have to see what their terrible etiquette did to two of their friends.

CallaLily25

Ooooh boy...what a disaster! Keep us posted as to how this all ends! haha

Wheels987

Call the bride/groom and ask about your other friends: "Hey, I just talked to so-and-so and they mentioned not choosing their entree. Who should they call do finalize this?"

If they mention those people weren't ultimately invited, they need to handle it. Not you. That's awkward.

allychase

In Response to Re:FI friends wedding tomorrow:[QUOTE]Call the bride/groom and ask about your other friends: "Hey, I just talked to soandso and they mentioned not choosing their entree. Who should they call do finalize this?" If they mention those people weren't ultimately invited, they need to handle it. Not you. That's awkward. Posted by Wheels987[/QUOTE]

We definitely aren't close enough to the bride and groom to call and ask them this. They're more like, see twice a year or so friends.

Wheels987

I see... hmm... I feel like if I were the bride/groom in this situation I would expect my wedding guests to call us if they had any questions. I wouldn't find that weird at all. I would feel terrible if people had questions for me and they didn't feel comfortable calling.

Could the (un)invited friends call them? Maybe say to them "Hey, we definitely chose a entree, maybe you should call bride/groom to make sure it's all set?"

I don't know. It's awkward all around but it would be terrible if it looked like the good friends were party crashers and not the faux pas of bride/groom.

Jen4948

Uh oh...

I think I'd stay out of this one and let your FI's friends call the couple to clarify things.

MrsGandthebeag

If I were your FI's friends I'd call the bride and groom to check.  I would not want to embarrass myself showing up to a wedding I wasn't invited to.

McRogol

I am not a big fan of meddling but...if I were the uninvited friend and another friend of mine knew of the situation I was about to walk into, I'd be hurt no one said anything to me.  

Rather than passive-aggresively try to handle it by contact the B&G, why not encourage the (un)invited friend to speak up for himself???  Is this a totally eteiquette breach?  They received the save-the-date but nothing further, so it seems like a an okay idea...

AddieCake

Do the uninvited friends know when and where the wedding is? Was all of the info on the STD for them to have? If not, I don't see how they plan on attending w/o needing to call the bride and groom and get that info. 

misssunshine17

If I got a STD, but not an invite, I'd make a phone call to see what was up since it would be on my calendar. I'd tell the maybe-not-invited friends to call. Maybe it'snot E approved, but they need to know if they are expecting to go.

McRogol

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-friends-wedding-tomorrow?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40d84e74-0e14-4c3f-b03b-0c47bcc49bd4Post:c79f0ac8-e7f8-4f5e-9f9d-51daf9e3582a">Re: FI friends wedding tomorrow</a>:
[QUOTE]Do the uninvited friends know when and where the wedding is? Was all of the info on the STD for them to have? If not, I don't see how they plan on attending w/o needing to call the bride and groom and get that info. 
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Smart!</div>

allychase

We've all known where they were having it and one of the friends asked FI what time it was a few weeks ago. Honestly his friends are very wedding etiquette confused and seem to think its not a sit down dinner or anything so anyone can show up and it won't be a big deal. We're working on trying to have them call and find out.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-friends-wedding-tomorrow?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40d84e74-0e14-4c3f-b03b-0c47bcc49bd4Post:55b478e2-e3e2-4cb5-93a5-991b12b764f6">Re: FI friends wedding tomorrow</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not a big fan of meddling but...if I were the uninvited friend and another friend of mine knew of the situation I was about to walk into, I'd be hurt no one said anything to me.   Rather than passive-aggresively try to handle it by contact the B&G, why not encourage the (un)invited friend to speak up for himself???  Is this a totally eteiquette breach?  They received the save-the-date but nothing further, so it seems like a an okay idea...
Posted by McRogol[/QUOTE]

If the friend in question was one of the (un)invited dates and there was reason to believe that this person may not have actually been invited, whether that was intentional or not, I think that person should not contact the bride and groom, because if they do they might well find out that the couple didn't intend to invite them and embarrass themselves (the couple deserves the embarrassment, perhaps, but I think an uninvited person should not be the one to bring it to their attention).  An invited guest with questions should directly contact the couple.  That doesn't strike me as passive-aggressive. 

But I don't think the OP's FI should contact the couple himself on behalf of his friends.  That does strike me as passive-aggressive.

kmmssg

Hoping for an update on this one since the wedding was yesterday.  OP - please come back and fill us in.

aurianna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-friends-wedding-tomorrow?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40d84e74-0e14-4c3f-b03b-0c47bcc49bd4Post:0fcf9c16-7424-4382-8238-802d2dc40899">Re: FI friends wedding tomorrow</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI friends wedding tomorrow : If the friend in question was one of the (un)invited dates and there was reason to believe that this person may not have actually been invited, whether that was intentional or not, I think that person should not contact the bride and groom, because if they do they might well find out that the couple didn't intend to invite them and embarrass themselves
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

This confuses me. The friend got a STD. STD = invitation. If the friend has a significant other when invitations went out, then they also should have been invited.
Now, you could be right in that if the couple was rude enough to not invite someone they sent a STD to, they could also be rude enough to omit a signiicant other.
There's no reason that the friend has to be embarassed. They received a STD therefore the friend and the SO should have received an invite.

I was hoping for an update. It's why I checked in tonight. :)

schellzinator

I was hoping for an update too  - Looks like I'm not the only one.