I'm stumped

laurenclaire1386

I get a text from one of my BMs last night. It says "ex H died this afternoon. Just thought you should know." I told her I was really sorry and to please let me know if she needed anything. I didn't want to be all jerky and self centered and mention the wedding, but I was thinking about it. If she doesn't want to still be in the wedding, or if the wedding conflicts with the funeral, I'm totally ok if she doesn't come. Shiit happens and I would certainly understand if she just didn't feel like a wedding right now. I don't know how her relationship with her ex H was; we met after they were divorced. I don't really have a way to guage how upset she is or how she's taking this through text message. So should I tell her that it's ok if she skips the wedding or wait for her to bring it up? I have no idea what to do y'all.

georgia_bride09

I would wait for her to bring it up, TBH. If you bring it up, it looks selfish, even though you're not. Or I would just send a general text that says, "Thinking about you. If you need some time, let me know" or something.

mandapanda78

Whoa, that's a tough one. I'd personally wait a few hours and then call her to see how she's doing. Feel the situation out and if you feel like she's not doing so well, let her know you'll understand if she needs to step back from the wedding. You can always be very careful to phrase it so she understand you're putting her first, and not just being all "MY WEDDING!!!"  She'll probably appreciate the gesture if nothing else.

Also, how you doin?

danieliza1127

I wouldn't say anything.  It's highly unlikely the funeral would be this Saturday and I'm sure this won't change her desire to be in your wedding. 

FutureMrsTR

I would see if she mentions anything.  My MOH's dad died about 2 weeks before our wedding.  So it obviously didn't conflict with the actual funeral, but I waited for her to mention something about the wedding and then took the opportunity to reassure her that in no way did I expect her or her mom to come if it would be too difficult.

Ash2985

I would wait for her to bring it up too.  Maybe give her a call this evening to see how she's doing and just chat, but don't bring it up.  It'll give her the opportunity to bring it up if she wants to.

doctabroccoli

Yeah, that sucks.  I'd wait for her to bring it up too, since you don't know their relationship. 

Also, I'm so excited for you!  Your wedding is almost here!

ohwhynot

Does she have kids with her ex?

I think you're doing the right thing so far; just let it lie for a bit and see what she wants to do. 

laurenclaire1386

Ok cool. I knew y'all would know the right way to handle this. I'll call her this afternoon just to see how things are.

Manda, I'm doing pretty well. We have three houseguests and no clean clothes and a broken dryer and none of that has made me cry yet. So it's pretty much a banner day.

georgia_bride09

Also, I"m doing the happy wedding dance for you!!

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-stumped?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4149680c-6939-48ad-b96c-f41dadea3bfdPost:7ce99be2-046e-461f-907d-1e79552c2590">Re: I'm stumped</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Does she have kids with her ex?</strong> I think you're doing the right thing so far; just let it lie for a bit and see what she wants to do. 
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]
They didn't have children together, but he had kids from a previous marriage and she is pretty close to his  daughters.

emilyinchile

Yup, I'd do what Manda said - call to see how things are going and see where the conversation leads.

Glad you're staying calm despite the stress

nickandmerritt

I agree, I think calling her is a good idea.  You could also ask if she needs anything or if there's anything you can do.  That would let her know that you care and understand and it would give her an in if she's feeling like she needs to miss the wedding without you having to bring it up.