Do I have to visit with relatives the day after?

SKPM

FI and I are getting married on a Saturday evening. We've opted to have our smallish RD on the Thursday two days prior, so that we can then host a larger, more casual BBQ on Friday evening for our families and OOT guests. (Everyone invited to the wedding is invited to Friday BBQ. RD is wedding party, SOs, and immediate family only.) We decided to host the BBQ on Friday so that we have an additional opportunity to visit with our OOT guests.

That said, I have never been interested in visiting with guests the day after the wedding (Sunday). Partly because it's always seemed awkward, given the traditional ongoings of the wedding night; and partly because I already know that I am going to be completely exhausted after visiting with people for 3 straight days. I know myself well enough to know that I get cranky and anxious when I don't have enough (read: any) downtime for myself or me & FI. We're leaving Sunday night for our honeymoon (red eye flight), and I have been looking forward to just lounging around on Sunday before we leave, just the two of us.

At my shower last weekend, my mom mentioned something about me visiting with guests on Sunday before we leave, and I basically told her that I have no such intentions. I also mentioned that that is the exact reason we're hosting a 125+ person BBQ Friday night. She seemed really put-off by it and seemed to insinuate that we ought to make more of an effort on Sunday. 

Question: Will we (FI and I) be considered "rude" if we don't visit with our guests for a 3rd (or 4th, for some) consecutive day in a row? 

kcscejal

Nope, it's not necessary at all.

chelseamb11

Not rude at all.  You are hosting the BBQ in order to have a more casual setting.  If people want to visit, they can come then.  You shouldn't be expected to visit again that next day.

aragx6

You're under no obligation to meet up with guests on Sunday and I'm sure they'll be excited about the BBQ on Friday.

I do think it's weird that you find the brunch the day after awkward because of the "traditional ongoings of the wedding night" but that doesn't change the fact that you are fine from an etiquette standpoint to say bye to them on Saturday and keep Sunday to yourself.

Simply Fated

I don't think you would be rude. Your flight leaves that night. Surely you'll want time to pack and all that.

lyndausvi

No not at all.

That said, we also had a red-eye flight the next day.  We did visit with family and friends.  It was a lot of fun.  Everyone showed us their pictures from their cameras.  We re-lived the night.  Found out things we didn't know happened  (ie. we fould out about a couple of hookups).      It was actually a lot of fun.

I would not plan something official, but keep your options open.  I had a blast


ETA - we didn't have offical plans.  We just decided  to visit the hotel where a lot of our guests were.

SKPM

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-i-have-to-visit-with-relatives-the-day-after?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:41787278-45c4-491c-ba98-436c8a93bed4Post:7faf3fe1-d041-46a0-9895-eb83d0ac5b7e">Re: Do I have to visit with relatives the day after?</a>:
[QUOTE]You're under no obligation to meet up with guests on Sunday and I'm sure they'll be excited about the BBQ on Friday. I do think it's weird that you find the brunch the day after awkward because of the "traditional ongoings of the wedding night" but that doesn't change the fact that you are fine from an etiquette standpoint to say bye to them on Saturday and keep Sunday to yourself.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]
I guess I just mean because of the tradition (stereotype? assumption?) that we'll be getting busy all night; (whether or not that happens in our case). I don't know, maybe I'm prude-ish or old fashioned. But that, combined with the fact that I'll be exhausted, leaves me really uninterested in visiting with my relatives and new inlaws all day.

SKPM

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-i-have-to-visit-with-relatives-the-day-after?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:41787278-45c4-491c-ba98-436c8a93bed4Post:bad64ceb-f3ac-4e0f-9cd1-953f0fe30125">Re: Do I have to visit with relatives the day after?</a>:
[QUOTE]No not at all. That said, we also had a red-eye flight the next day.  We did visit with family and friends.  It was a lot of fun.  Everyone showed us their pictures from their cameras.  We re-lived the night.  Found out things we didn't know happened  (ie. we fould out about a couple of hookups).      It was actually a lot of fun. I would not plan something official, but keep your options open.  I had a blast ETA - we didn't have offical plans.  We just decided  to visit the hotel where a lot of our guests were.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]
Thanks for this input! I am certainly willing to keep the option open, so to speak, but definitely not scheduling a time/place and inviting people over. We'll play it by ear and see what we feel like doing the next day. I just didn't want to mortally offend anyone who expected us to host them and/or make a scheduled appearance somewhere.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-i-have-to-visit-with-relatives-the-day-after?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:41787278-45c4-491c-ba98-436c8a93bed4Post:7b3556a8-e804-4a47-a9fc-7aefb644dcc9">Re: Do I have to visit with relatives the day after?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do I have to visit with relatives the day after? : Thanks for this input! I am certainly willing to keep the option open, so to speak, but definitely not scheduling a time/place and inviting people over. We'll play it by ear and see what we feel like doing the next day. I just didn't want to mortally offend anyone who expected us to host them and/or make a scheduled appearance somewhere.
Posted by SKPM[/QUOTE]


I also entertained  8 people on Wed..   We had dinner with 40+on Thursday.   Welcome dinner for 100+ on Friday.  Then of course the wedding on Saturday night.  I know how you feel.    

I also like my down time.    Yet, I was on such a high I wasn't as tired as I thought.     That said, when my butt hit the seat on the red-eye I was out like a light. 

rsaleh84

If you honestly don't want to meet up with anyone on Sunday, then you should make a point of saying goodbye to your relatives, especially OOT relatives, on the wedding night.  It may be a hassle, but at least you won't come off ungrateful for their time and effort put into celebrating with you.  It is not rude to want alone time with your new hubby the day after

NOLAbridealmost

I wouldn't want to see family the day after the wedding either. After all the stress and excitement of the wedding it's awesome to just finally enjoy that time to unwind with your H. 

It's not rude. You actually went above and beyond with the BBQ for all invited guests.  Enjoy your well-deserved downtime. 

achiduck

Absolutely not. We thought about doing the sunday morning brunch but ultimately decided against it. We'll swing by my Dad's place to pick up our gifts and spend small amount of time with my family that will be staying with him from Germany but seeing as we leave for our honeymoon on Monday we'll need sometime to just be quiet and get ready for our flight.

jmayinc

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-i-have-to-visit-with-relatives-the-day-after?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:41787278-45c4-491c-ba98-436c8a93bed4Post:ae6235bf-a1ae-4301-b502-a1e4b10191ad">Re: Do I have to visit with relatives the day after?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you honestly don't want to meet up with anyone on Sunday, then you should make a point of saying goodbye to your relatives, especially OOT relatives, on the wedding night.  It may be a hassle, but at least you won't come off ungrateful for their time and effort put into celebrating with you.  It is not rude to want alone time with your new hubby the day after :)
Posted by rsaleh84[/QUOTE]

I would say this is a good idea. I think it would be rude to let OOT guests leave and not say a proper goodbye since they went all that way. I wouldn't say plan anything by all means it's a good idea to get everything straight before your honeymoon, it'll let you be able to make sure you have everything for your trip etc, especially if important paperwork is needed.

SKPM

Thanks, ladies, for all the input -- and validation that I'm not being atrociously rude. The bit about making sure to say goodbye to OOT guests is a good tip; I hadn't thought about it but that makes a lot of sense. Thanks all!

hoffse

No it's not necessary for the bride and groom to visit the next day, particularly if word gets around that you're leaving for your honeymoon that day.  People will assume you are sleeping in late and spending all day packing and preparing your house/apartment to be gone for a week.  People know that preparing to leave for a week takes time and that you won't have a chance to do it until the wedding is over.

That said, FI and I WILL attend the day after brunch for a little while because we aren't leaving on our honeymoon right away - we're delaying it about a month until FI is done with his law school exams that semester.  He will actually need to be getting back to school, that day but my hometown isn't that far away, so we're going to visit in the morning.  My mom actually thought it was weird that we were going to make an appearance, but we hardly ever see these relatives so we're going to make that effort.  Then again, we also aren't doing a Thursday, Friday, Saturday thing like you are.

Meegles4

Agree with PPs. Like some others, we flew out at 6 a.m. on Monday after our Saturday wedding. All of my extended family was from OOT, so H and I did go to my mother's for a brunch. While I thought we'd only be there until maybe 5, leaving us with plenty of time to pack and get ready to leave the next morning, we were there until nearly 11 that night. It was rough, but to be honest, the day was very relaxing and not at all "formal". My mom had food for us, we opened our boxed gifts that had been brought to the wedding, and we spent some QT with family I don't see much.

So, I'd caution people who think they're just going to "stop by" their family's the next day (b/c I was sorely wrong about that!) and I'd also say to the OP to keep your options open if you change your mind and want to spend additional time with family. But you certainly don't have to.

I also think it's weird to not want to spend time because of what happens on the wedding night. Who cares about that? Unless you have a very close (and very blunt) family, no one's going to ask you "so how was the sex?!"

Leenie10

No, you do not have to do it. In fact, we're getting on a plane first thing the following morning : )

SKPM

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-i-have-to-visit-with-relatives-the-day-after?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:41787278-45c4-491c-ba98-436c8a93bed4Post:76078ffe-3d3c-4eeb-ba75-1227bb6da978">Re: Do I have to visit with relatives the day after?</a>:
[QUOTE]Agree with PPs. Like some others, we flew out at 6 a.m. on Monday after our Saturday wedding. All of my extended family was from OOT, so H and I did go to my mother's for a brunch. While I thought we'd only be there until maybe 5, leaving us with plenty of time to pack and get ready to leave the next morning, we were there until nearly 11 that night. It was rough, but to be honest, the day was very relaxing and not at all "formal". My mom had food for us, we opened our boxed gifts that had been brought to the wedding, and we spent some QT with family I don't see much. So, I'd caution people who think they're just going to "stop by" their family's the next day (b/c I was sorely wrong about that!) and I'd also say to the OP to keep your options open if you change your mind and want to spend additional time with family. But you certainly don't have to.<strong> I also think it's weird to not want to spend time because of what happens on the wedding night. Who cares about that? Unless you have a very close (and very blunt) family, no one's going to ask you "so how was the sex?!"</strong>
Posted by Meegles4[/QUOTE] At the root of it, I think, is that I just don't really feel like seeing FILs the next day. I wouldn't be opposed to spending time with my own relatives. But right now I'm in between finishing grad school and starting a new job, while FI works full time, so consequently I'm the full-time wedding planner for a few weeks and I'm just tired of the wedding and of talking about the wedding with anyone, particularly FILs. (No major issues or riffs, just me being fussy I suppose.) But I feel like once the wedding's all over, the last thing I want to do is go spend more time with the new in-laws. Confession: while I don't mind my in-laws, I'm not looking for additional opportunities to visit with them in such a concentrated period of time (maybe I'm a bad FDIL, I don't know).

lily_721

We had a brunch the next morning.  It was too early and I was exhausted.  My MIL hosted which was very nice but I was so tired.  It was nice to have the last good-byes with OOT guests though. 

Katred08

I hear you.  I get the same way (anxious and cranky)  if I don't have enough downtime for myself or for FI and I together (he has no such problems!).  My mom is already talking about doing a brunch or something the day after the wedding, and I have ZERO interest.    My cousin got married about a year ago and they did a bbq the day.  She and her husband attended, so if my mom throws something, we'll be expected to go.  I just know that I'm going to want to relax with my new husband the day after and get ready to fly out at 6am the following morning for our HM, and not continue socializing.  I sort of want to just stay in a selfish bubble, I guess.  We don't have a large amount of out of town guests coming, and most of my family I see at least monthly, if not weekly, so I just don't see the need.