Sticky Situation

MissTee83

My fiance and I just got engaged about a week ago. (We had been talking about it for a couple months, but just decided to make it official) We have decided to have the wedding in April or May of next year, so we are looking at about a 5 or 6 month engagement and I'm feeling a bit overwhelemed already, to say the least!

Anyway, my problem is that my parents are not exactly happy with my choice, and I'm not sure that they would want to contribute anything towards the wedding or even be involved. My fiance thinks they will come around eventually, but the problem is, we don't have a lot of time. Neither one of us has the money for a wedding, so without my parents help, we would have to elope. I don't want to just ask my parents for money and I have no idea how to go about finding out tactfully if they want to help. I really want my family involved, since their aprroval means a lot to me, but I'm just not getting the vibe that they approve. HELP!!!

danieliza1127

Plan the wedding you and he can afford.  If that means just going to the courthouse and getting married and going out to dinner, then so be it.  Or if it means a cook-out at your house or just cake and punch, so be it.  Don't ask your parents for money or assume or expect them to come around and offer.

angiebear11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sticky-situation-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:419118da-5a52-4020-851b-61cee1096538Post:1206ccb0-afe6-4622-91b6-20dea9095cd9">Sticky Situation</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I just got engaged about a week ago. (We had been talking about it for a couple months, but just decided to make it official) We have decided to have the wedding in April or May of next year, so we are looking at about a 5 or 6 month engagement and I'm feeling a bit overwhelemed already, to say the least! Anyway, my problem is that my parents are not exactly happy with my choice, and I'm not sure that they would want to contribute anything towards the wedding or even be involved. My fiance thinks they will come around eventually, but the problem is, we don't have a lot of time. <strong>Neither one of us has the money for a wedding, so without my parents help, we would have to elope.</strong> I don't want to just ask my parents for money and I have no idea how to go about finding out tactfully if they want to help. I really want my family involved, since their aprroval means a lot to me, but I'm just not getting the vibe that they approve. HELP!!!
Posted by MissTee83[/QUOTE]

This is your answer.

kikibaby

I think you should plan the wedding that you and your FI can afford alone, even if that is eloping.  It's not ok to ask anyone, even your parents, for money.

Why does it have to be April or May?  Can you wait and save up more money? 

opalsky007

Congratulations on your engagement!

It is never polite to ask for money. If the support of your parents is important to you, I would suggest having a small ceremony with your immediate family (at a courthouse, a church, or wherever) and then hosting light refreshments or a meal after. It can even be just cake. Six months is enough time to save up for an event that's very small like this. 

SarahPLiz

First of all, talk to your parents about their reservations. This should have nothing to do with money. Don't bring that up at all. Your marriage is more than just a wedding ceremony. 

Next, don't ask anyone for money. If you can't afford a wedding on your own, then go get a marriage license and visit the JOP. OR postpone until you can afford it. Part of getting married and growing up is standing on your own 2 feet and taking responsibility for your choices. If you can't do that, then you have no business getting married, IMHO. 

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sticky-situation-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:419118da-5a52-4020-851b-61cee1096538Post:1206ccb0-afe6-4622-91b6-20dea9095cd9">Sticky Situation</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I just got engaged about a week ago. (We had been talking about it for a couple months, but just decided to make it official) We have decided to have the wedding in April or May of next year, so we are looking at about a 5 or 6 month engagement and I'm feeling a bit overwhelemed already, to say the least! Anyway, my problem is that my parents are not exactly happy with my choice, and I'm not sure that they would want to contribute anything towards the wedding or even be involved. My fiance thinks they will come around eventually, but the problem is, we don't have a lot of time. Neither one of us has the money for a wedding, so without my parents help, we would have to elope. I don't want to just ask my parents for money and <strong>I have no idea how to go about finding out tactfully if they want to help.</strong> I really want my family involved, since their aprroval means a lot to me, but I'm just not getting the vibe that they approve. HELP!!!
Posted by MissTee83[/QUOTE]
There's no way to tactfully do this. If they want to give you money for a wedding, then they'll offer it. By the sounds of it, they don't really approve of the marriage, so I wouldn't bank on them contributing anything. Have a longer engagement and save the money, or skip all the frills and go to the courthouse. Either way, the end result is the same: you're married.

Calypso1977

you can do a very  nice wedding for $5K or even less if you are willing to think outside the box.

if you cant come up wtih that, should you really even be getting married?  a second job shoudl earn you a few thousand over the next 6 months.

mgietler76

I agree with everyone else. Why the rush? Most people these days pay for their own weddings. There are many things you can do to save money. Have a cake and punch reception/a backyard BBQ/cocktail reception and so on.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sticky-situation-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:419118da-5a52-4020-851b-61cee1096538Post:f3cae058-91b9-4f98-8051-53df25446eac">Re: Sticky Situation</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all, talk to your parents about their reservations. This should have nothing to do with money. Don't bring that up at all. Your marriage is more than just a wedding ceremony.  
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

This.  I'd focus on the family part of this before you even consider planning a wedding.  Do you have any idea what their hesitations are?

Cynthia1207

It's rude to ask for money so don't do it!  I agree with everyone here, you have the wedding you can afford.  If that's not the wedding you want, you wait, save some money and then get what you want.  You shouldn't be expecting your parents to give you anything.  You're getting married, not them.  And yes, what's with the rush???

jerseydevil

It boils down to these three options:

1. Elope
2. Have a small, simple wedding that you can afford
3. Have a longer engagement and wait until you have more money saved up

Also, talk to your parents with an open mind and heart and hear out why they're not happy with your choice. If they come around and offer anything great, but don't bet on it or ask for it.

salt78

I wish I had more of a backstory on this.

But yeah...if you can't afford a big wedding, then just elope or go to the JOP. The end result is that you get to marry the guy you love and that is the most important thing here. (I hope.)

FutureMrsTR

One time I spilled honey on my fleece blanket, now THAT was a sticky situation!

In all seriousness, pp have given great advice.  Decide what you CAN afford and let your parents know your plans.  You say you're not getting the vibe that they approve.  Have they outright said they don't?  I would definitely have a talk with them about this whole thing (minus the money) because this is family and that's forever and if you don't figure it out now it'll just get worse down the road.

MrsMack10612

Are they not happy with your choice to get married so qjuickly or the person you've chosen to marry?

That would be my first concern rather than how to pay for a wedding.

Luckily all my family loves my FI so it's never been a question - but if anyone, particularly my parents "weren't happy with my choice" I wouldn't still be contemplating getting married, I'd be figuring out why.

Calypso1977

a pastor can marry you for very little money. 

i say have a family pastor marry you before your parents and siblings, adn then take everyone out for a nice lunch afterwards.

Marrin713

I think your bigger problem is the P's not being on board with who you are going to marry.  Of course, they don't have to be but what are their concerns/objections?

[Deleted User]

Totally agree with Kjhowd on this one.  I'm going to guess that you are very young based on parents' disapproval and the fact that you are hoping your parents will pay for your fantasy wedding.  These are usually - not always - but usually the attitudes of the VERY young.  In looking back, those romances that my family didn't support 100 percent were definitely not keepers.  I would strongly recommend that your first step would be to really consider why your parents are lukewarm about your engagement; my guess is they are probably onto something that you either don't see or don't want to acknowledge.