Mention "dry" reception on invitation?

J&K10910

I also agree that there are lots of fun non-alcoholic drink options that the OP can look into.

The Mel and Todd Show

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:b0b11041-1e32-46d4-b3b9-8091b23b6eac">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]Eh, I don't think it's that rude to have a dry reception. I, as a guest, would not like it, but I'm sure OP has her reasons for not wanting alcohol there.  It's not the same to me as providing vegetarian food for guests who don't eat meat- it's not like people who want alcohol CAN'T drink water/soda/tea, whatever.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

I understand what you're saying, and I'm not AGAINST a dry reception.  If there are religious beliefs involved, like Mery said, or even if it just can't be worked into the budget...I understand these things.  What bothers me is the "I don't do it, so neither can my guests" attitude.  I don't dance, but I have hired a dj because my guests will expect music and a dance floor because they have been invited to a wedding and these are activities associated with a wedding.  Like it or not, alcohol is an expected option at a wedding, and I feel like omitting it because "I don't like it" is selfish and I personally consider it a less than gracious attitude to take when hosting an event. 

salt78

I'm not an alcoholic by any means, but if I went to a Renaissance themed wedding, I would need a drink just to put up with it.

waltzingmatilda13

I don't think it's rude to have a dry reception either and I don't think OP needs to explain why. She said her and her FI agreed on it and that's all that matters. As long as she is serving something to eat at a meal time and some place to sit while eating she's doing all she technically needs to do. Just because other people expect certain things at receptions doesn't mean they are required beyond the basic necessities.

stellaella

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:75f695de-29e8-4ca7-b1f0-4346d5d79354">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not an alcoholic by any means, but if I went to a Renaissance themed wedding, I would need a drink just to put up with it.
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

<div>You and Kiki said what I was thinking. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-embarassed.gif" border="0" alt="Embarassed" title="Embarassed" /> Sorry OP.</div>

NuggetBrain

Dude, all they DID in the Renaissance period was drink.  How are you going to have a themed wedding like that without booze? At least some wine and mead or something?  Not very realistic.  Just saying.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:75f695de-29e8-4ca7-b1f0-4346d5d79354">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not an alcoholic by any means, but if I went to a Renaissance themed wedding, I would need a drink just to put up with it.
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

*thumbs up*

annakb8

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:75f695de-29e8-4ca7-b1f0-4346d5d79354">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not an alcoholic by any means, but if I went to a Renaissance themed wedding, I would need a drink just to put up with it.
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

Ditto. And I wouldn't need just one drink. I'd need many.

Do you think costumes are required?

kikibaby

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:6206b764-575b-42c1-852d-9b8a822bcb92">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation? : I understand what you're saying, and I'm not AGAINST a dry reception.  If there are religious beliefs involved, like Mery said, or even if it just can't be worked into the budget...I understand these things.  What bothers me is the "I don't do it, so neither can my guests" attitude.  I don't dance, but I have hired a dj because my guests will expect music and a dance floor because they have been invited to a wedding and these are activities associated with a wedding.  Like it or not, alcohol is an expected option at a wedding, and I feel like omitting it because "I don't like it" is selfish and I personally consider it a less than gracious attitude to take when hosting an event. 
Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]

I agree that if the only reason someone is having a dry wedding is because THEY don't drink, it's rude.  But, if it's because say... they have family members who died from alcohol-related things, or someone is abusive when drunk, or whatever, it's ok with me if they don't want to serve alcohol. 

I would probably sit there the whole time like, "Man, I'd love a glass of wine," but I wouldn't be pissed at the host or anything.  As others have said, I'd likely just leave shortly after dinner.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

PS, I'm reading a book on prohibition right now - in the 1830s, Americans drank like it was their job. Like, the equivalent of 1.7 bottles of 80 proof liquor per adult per week. Lots of foreign visitors made comments about how Americans were sloshed all the time.

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:85d62f28-5075-47d0-8235-914921c03a7c">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation? : I agree that if the only reason someone is having a dry wedding is because THEY don't drink, it's rude.  But, if it's because say... they have family members who died from alcohol-related things, or someone is abusive when drunk, or whatever, it's ok with me if they don't want to serve alcohol.  I would probably sit there the whole time like, "Man, I'd love a glass of wine," but I wouldn't be pissed at the host or anything.  As others have said, I'd likely just leave shortly after dinner.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

I kinda agree.  That's why I really wish the OP would come back and explain what exactly is difficult and frightening in regards to drinking for her and her FI. 

GeauxTigers17

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:b308b9ee-3a4c-4a34-9f79-c09dfe28a32d">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation? : Ditto. And I wouldn't need just one drink. I'd need many. Do you think costumes are required?
Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]

<div>This. OP, while I don't think dry receptions are rude per se, I was with you until the theme bit.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

L-Bride

But this guy told me he wants a beer at your wedding. He swears he'll behave himself.

squirrly

No, you shouldn't mention it on your invitations.

However, if most of your guests DO drink, it would be most appropriate to make some adult beverages available.  Beer and wine only would be fine.  At this point, even a cash bar would be better than nothing, it sounds.  Having alcohol available for your guests does not mean that you need to consume any. 

stellaella

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:f5d66a86-7283-4949-848d-f02b9fcbf8ee">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]But this guy told me he wants a beer at your wedding. He swears he'll behave himself.
Posted by L-Bride[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't appreciate you posting pictures of my fiance without my permission. </div>

salt78

Stella's FI is hot.

L-Bride

He's okay but take a looky at my husband. After our wedding I rode him off into the sunset for a life of renaissance fairs and big turkey legs. I'm one lucky girl...sigh. 

salt78

I can see why you married him. What a stud.

GeauxTigers17

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:cf9af88a-0bcb-49bd-8be6-83ff908e8234">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]No, you shouldn't mention it on your invitations. However, if most of your guests DO drink, it would be most appropriate to make some adult beverages available.  Beer and wine only would be fine.  <strong>At this point, even a cash bar would be better than nothing, it sounds</strong>.  Having alcohol available for your guests does not mean that you need to consume any. 
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

<div>Really? As I understand it, it's the exact opposite - it's always better to host in the manner that you are capable, but to never, ever, ask a guest to pay for something. </div><div>
</div><div>I see what you're saying about having alcohol available if most of the guests drink and there are no religious or other reasons to exclude it (and I agree), but I think if she's going to offer it, she needs to pay for it. </div>

lisalou402

What if i didn't like food and didn't want to pay for it...can I just not serve my guests food? Maybe have a cash snack bar?

Are you guys under 21?

Are you having meade? Or HoneyBeer?

kira&jake

I've only been to one dry wedding and like PPs said, most of the guests left early, including my family (it was a cousin's wedding), the dance floor was basically empty, and, which I think was the worst, was that the wait staff was pretty grumpy that they weren't getting paid/tipped as much but still had to work the full time, so the service was terrible. We had a hard time getting them to bring us our diet cokes at all.

But that decision has already been made. As far as putting it on the invitation, I say don't do it, unless you are prepared for all of your drinking friends to all bring flasks.

hlq2011

I'm with everyone else who doesn't like the idea of a dry reception unless there's a specific reason for it - and specific reasons, to me, don't include "I don't want to pay for people to get drunk.

But I digress.

Don't put it on the invitation, and prepare yourself for one (or both) of two things: people to bring in their own alcohol, or to just leave early.

The chances that I'll dance if I'm not drinking are slim to none, and I personally don't feel like hanging out in a ballroom somewhere just chatting for a few hours.  I'd leave.  And I know that friends of mine, if they knew in advance that we were going to a dry wedding, would have no problems bringing full flasks along to make the night more interesting.

And I'm with PPs on the theme thing.  And I'm with squirrly on the cash bar.

Just my two cents.

[Deleted User]

I agree with everyone that I wouldn't put it on the invitation.  That almost advertises, "This is going to be a boring party," however, you can instead have a great punch, gourmet teas, coffee, etc. - something that will be interesting and also work with the feeling you're trying to create for your wedding.  The principle is to make your wedding an event, and liquor is not required for that.  I served only wine at my reception, and I don't think anyone missed having cocktaills. 

marinabreeze

I don't think dry receptions are rude.  As long as there are food and refreshments that guests don't have to pay for, I don't see why it has to be an issue.  Who knows what their issues are with alcohol...it sounds like there's more to it than "we just don't like to drink," especially when terming it "frightening."  But why it's "frightening" to them...while I'm curious, I'm also not sure if it's relevant to the situation.

I think personally it depends on their crowd.  The best wedding I've even been to was a Lord of the Rings-themed wedding, and the reception was dry because the bride was too young to drink and the couple was pretty religiously conservative.  But it was great because it was pretty casual and fun, the food was down home (pig roast, comfort foods) and delicious, it was in the morning/afternoon, just about all of us knew each other from college, and our group wasn't much for drinking at the time.  I stayed the whole time, and totally enjoyed myself. So I think a dry reception can work if the circumstances are good for it.

To the OP, I do think that you should keep in mind what PPs said in regards to what can happen with a dry reception.  Since it is getting around in your circle that you are having a dry reception, the die-hards may decide to pre-game and come to your reception already liquored up, or they may sneak it in.  Also, unless you have some entertainment that is fun but not cheesy, and/or your guests are all friends with each other, many of them will leave early.  I don't think that people *need* alcohol to have fun, but it does help people to socialize, especially for those guests who might find it hard to loosen up during public events.  So those issues are worth considering.

I agree with GeauxTigers, please, please don't do a cash bar.  The guests should get refreshed, but are not owed alcohol - it is not essential to a wedding reception.  It's better not to offer it than to make your guests pay anything since the reception is a thank you to them for coming to the ceremony and sharing in your wedding day. 

I agree with jemmini, a lunch reception is best.  Even if themed.  That way, people won't miss the alcohol as much as they would during an evening reception. 

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:a599fe36-0b0f-4136-b490-1b52e08d24c4">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]The best wedding I've even been to was a <strong>Lord of the Rings-themed wedding</strong>, and the reception was dry <strong>because the bride was too young</strong>
Posted by marinabreeze[/QUOTE]

<div>Shocking.</div>

marinabreeze

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:3e232a6b-fb6b-498f-af4b-96ae78af16d7">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation? : Shocking.
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

LOL...yeah.

Jennifer&Nate

Maybe it's because I live in a heavily Baptist area, but I've never actually expected alcohol at a wedding. If it's there, awesome! If it's not, whatevs. I'm hoping to have alcohol at my own, but I guess I just don't see all the fuss over whether you serve alcohol.

salt78

The reception is a party that you throw for your guests. Therefore, you want to make sure that all your guests are comfortable, well fed, and entertained. A large percentage of adults that are over the drinking age do drink alcohol, so I personally feel it's common courtesy to host some type of alcoholic beverage. (Wine...beer...both...whatever. It's not like serving alcohol at a wedding has to be a full open bar.)

I think it's pretty lame when someone who doesn't drink decides to dictate that no one else is allowed to. I also think it's lame when someone who is vegetarian refuses to serve meat at their wedding. You have to think about what your guests would like to have too, not just your personal preference.

 

L-Bride

I just want to know what's involved with a Lord of the Rings wedding.

L-Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:d245ee6f-8f46-4b6e-817f-9b2a1346b44a">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]I also think it's lame when someone who is vegetarian refuses to serve meat at their wedding. You have to think about what your guests would like to have too, not just your personal preference.  
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

This is the part that annoys me too. I feel like it's saying "No, no little guest. I know what's best for you and it's definitely not vodka tonics."

I can't dance without a drink in me. It's never happened and it never will.