Mention "dry" reception on invitation?

The Mel and Todd Show

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:ca816e0b-cfa8-48d3-86f7-7a6372621fe2">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]I just want to know what's involved with a Lord of the Rings wedding.
Posted by L-Bride[/QUOTE]

I wear my Fighting Knives of Legolas scabbard set EVERYWHERE, so this really wouldn't require any change in attire or behavior on my part. 

Ready2BMrsWade

I guess this may be a social circles/regional thing. I have actually never been to a wedding WITH alcohol and the dance floor was full. Then again, the circles I run in don't drink, pretty much ever. OP, I would agree in the aspects of the PP if the guests are a drinking crowd, then I can see how it would be considered "rude" or boring. However you know your guests! On another note, I think a LOTR wedding would be awesome...then again I am a nerd. 

lmwilber

I would think putting 'Renasance Theme' on an invite would be enough to shorten the guest list...

I think having a dry, themed wedding is about the most self involved thing I've read in  a long time. Not only do you expect your guests to sit through your lame interpretation of every fantasy cliche, but your asking me to do completely on your terms. If you don't like booze, don't drink. It sounds like what your really worried about is some one getting drunk and ruining your 'special day'. Grow up. The reception is a way to thank your guests for their love and support throughout the years. It is not all about you. Serve a signature drink, make it lightly spiked, move on.

lpstl

No, you should not put it on the invitation. You should however spread it via word of mouth so your guests have adequate time to stock mini-bars in their trunk.

filaw

I'm not the OP, but whenever someone mentions alcohol being "frightening" I would assume it was because they have some kind of negative history with it, probably alcoholism somewhere in the family or immediate social circle.

If person hosting a party has objection to alcohol, I don't see anything wrong with them not providing it at their party.  For instance, I wouldn't expect an alcoholic, or someone who's close family member is an alcoholic or someone who has religious grounds for objecting to it to serve alcohol at their party.  

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:51a539c3-158e-472d-b88b-2c172a3d1299">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation? : This is the part that annoys me too. I feel like it's saying "No, no little guest. I know what's best for you and it's definitely not vodka tonics." I can't dance without a drink in me. It's never happened and it never will.
Posted by L-Bride[/QUOTE]

But it's not that. It's that for some people, their religion dictates that alcohol is immoral. So saying, "well, my right to be buzzed before I get on the dance floor trumps your religious beliefs" is rude at best.

TheCranberry

I don't think people need to serve alcohol at a wedding reception just because their guests may expect it.  Are cake and punch or hors d'oeuvres only receptions not allowed becasue people expect full meals?  It's possible to host a nice reception without alcohol, regardless of the couple's reasons.

OP, I do think you should take to heart what PP's said about the possible consequences of no alcohol (people leaving early, sneaking in alcohol, etc).  Depending on your guest list you probably have a good idea what the response to this will be.  And I don't think you need to put it on your invitation.

golden1215

I will never understand not drinking for religious reasons unless you are Muslim.  Mormons consider themselves Christians right?  Well, Jesus drank and one of his miracles was wine at a wedding so.... I dont see the issue.  And I really dont get Baptists not drinking.

MyNameIsNot

Just please do this at lunch.  

L-Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:5ef6986a-bb26-4de3-b403-796c4cc42b3c">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation? : But it's not that. It's that for some people, their religion dictates that alcohol is immoral. So saying, "well, my right to be buzzed before I get on the dance floor trumps your religious beliefs" is rude at best.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

<div>I think it's fine if you don't want to personally drink for your own reasons, but I don't think it's a decision you should make for your guests. I never said I had the "right" to drink at a wedding. It's something I'd be thinking in my mind if I went to a dry wedding but I'm pretty sure I'll never be invited to one. </div>

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:a180ee28-2cbd-4e48-97e2-770390e0318d">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation? : I<strong> think it's fine if you don't want to personally drink for your own reasons, but I don't think it's a decision you should make for your guests.</strong> I never said I had the "right" to drink at a wedding. It's something I'd be thinking in my mind if I went to a dry wedding but I'm pretty sure I'll never be invited to one. 
Posted by L-Bride[/QUOTE]

<div>Why on earth would someone want to encourage drinking or pay for alcohol if they think it's morally wrong?</div>

L-Bride

I think that drugs can be put under the category of morally wrong but I have a hard time understanding other people putting alcohol under this category because it's legal. 

All I said was that it annoys me.

princesskitra

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:b1904eea-36fa-43dd-8d9a-0c0dfad097d0">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, srsly, come back.  We want to know how it's frightening.  Like, do you guys wake up screaming from nightmares of being chased by giant Jack Daniels bottles, or is it because of something more serious like someone was killed in a DD accident or everybody in your family is a raging alcoholic?
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

Sorry folks, for not replying sooner... oddly enough, I was at work all day yesterday.

Yes, my fiance's brother was killed in a drunk driving accident, and a small chiled was crippled for life in the process, too.

As for me, I was scared silly by an alcoholic family member as a child. It frightened me terribly and I've been scared of alchohol since.

Some of you are rather harsh. I apologize for asking an ETIQUETTE question.

Mrs.B6302007

I haven't read all the replies so this may have already been said.

I'm in the camp of you don't tell your guests what they're NOT getting.  No need to mention it on the invite.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:8d123684-8190-4811-9d1e-e7797f5904fd">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]I will never understand not drinking for religious reasons unless you are Muslim.  Mormons consider themselves Christians right?  Well, Jesus drank and one of his miracles was wine at a wedding so.... I dont see the issue.  And I really dont get Baptists not drinking.
Posted by golden1215[/QUOTE]


Growing up SB, I can answer this.  Ephesians 5:18 says not to get drunk so they teach that the best way to avoid drunkenness is to avoid alcohol completely. For communion, most serve grape juice rather than wine.  Additionally, many SB pastors believe that due to translation from Greek and Hebrew to English (most SBs use the King James version of the Bible), the definition of wine was lost and that the Biblical definition of wine was actually non-fermented wine since definitions change over time.  I'm no theologian so I don't know if that belief of translation is accurate or not.

nickandmerritt

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:57b7f557-3921-46e3-bc2e-3ff516b16b93">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation? : Sorry folks, for not replying sooner... oddly enough, I was at work all day yesterday. Yes, my fiance's brother was killed in a drunk driving accident, and a small chiled was crippled for life in the process, too. As for me, I was scared silly by an alcoholic family member as a child. It frightened me terribly and I've been scared of alchohol since. Some of you are rather harsh. I apologize for asking an ETIQUETTE question.
Posted by princesskitra[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry to hear about your FI's brother and about your experience as a child. I do think it's healthy to recognize that alcohol doesn't lead most people to drive drunk or terrorize children, but it does happen.  It's totally understandable that you are cautious though about alcohol and that it brings up bad memories for your FI and you that you would rather not have at your wedding

How do you deal with this issue on a day to day basis?  I'm curious because it sounds like a lot of your friends and family drink.  Do you just avoid spending time with them when you know that there will be alcohol involved?  Or are you fine with being around people who are drinking, but you just don't want to be around it on your wedding day?  Or is it more the purchasing and providing of alcohol to your guests that bothers you?  Have you had any bad experiences with the people who will be at your wedding being drunk and beligerent? 

My stepfather does not drink, so I'm sympathetic to your position.  Although he could probably drink responsibly and be fine, because of alcoholism in his family, he is concerned that he may also be prone to addiction and so has made the decision to avoid it altogether.  He does purchase alcohol for parties, and alcohol was served at my mom and his wedding, as he recognizes that most adults can consume alcoholic beverages responsibly.  But I realize that not everyone feels that way.

As others have mentioned, I think that you and your FI should be prepared for the possibility that some of your guests will come in with flasks or will have a drink between the ceremony and the reception.  If alcohol is not provided at the reception, there may be a greater inclination for people to overdrink beforehand, so you should both be prepared for this possibility and may want to decide ahead of time how you plan to handle this so that it doesn't put a damper on your wedding day.

Also, if you feel comfortable sharing your reasons with the guests you've already talked to about it who have objected, most of them will likely understand and drop it, and will probably be less inclined to overdrink before the reception or in the bathroom.

NuggetBrain

I would like to say, Nickandmerritt needs to give me her shoes right now.  RIGHT now.  Because they are kinda fierce.

OP - I agree with the above poster, that not everybody is going to go get behind the wheel of a car and kill somebody after they've been drinking.  Not to mention the people you should be inviting to this are people that you and your FI know and love, and you should able to trust them not to do so.  And if someone IS an alcoholic, I can assure you that having a dry reception isn't going to keep them from showing up drunk.  In fact, advertising on your invitation that it will be dry will probably cause them to show up completely blitzed. 

Aside from all that, the fact that you're so terrified of alcohol because of something that happened to you when you were a child makes me think you might want to go seek some therapy.  I mean, if a family member who was fond of red hats scared the crap out of me as a child, I wouldn't forever be terrified of red hats. And if I was, I would understand that I'm having a problem separating the item from the person and I need to seek professional help in doing so.     

iamjoesgurl

OP - I agree with everyone that you don't need to include anything on the invitation.  It seems like you will invite friends and family to your wedding - people who know you and love you.  If they know you, they will probably not be expecting alcohol.  I don't think you even need to spread this by word of mouth.  I have been to a lot of very nice weddings where alcohol was not served.  I was never surprised because I knew the couple getting married and didn't expect them to serve alcohol at their wedding.  As you said, this is a personal choice and I think your guests will be fine with it if they really care about you.

To everyone else - I think if the couple would normally serve alcohol while entertaining but they don't WANT to pay for it for their wedding guests, then I could see that being a bit rude.  But since that is not what is happening here, I personally think they are fine to not serve it.

nickandmerritt

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:cfe915a1-1bdf-4f45-b8b9-6d4eef179db8">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would like to say, Nickandmerritt needs to give me her shoes right now.  RIGHT now.  Because they are kinda fierce.    
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

Ha, thanks.  It took me forever to break down and buy them because I'm already 5'10 and they have Paris Hilton's name on them. Ha.  But in the end my healthy obsession with pretty things won out.

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:d6a3587c-2829-41cc-acc8-75ba958933e9">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation? : Why on earth would someone want to encourage drinking or pay for alcohol if they think it's morally wrong?
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

<div>Because you shouldn't force your morals on other people. </div>

Ready2BMrsWade

Well, I have put in my two cents already but as a Baptist (who actually doesn't care if other people drink but chooses not to, I think it tastes bad) I would like to explain a little on the "Baptists not drinking thing". The time when this came up was a time when the places one went to drink( and dance and gamble) were houses of ill repute or brothels. It is also biblical to not become drunk, not drinking at all makes this an impossibility, therefore, as "good church members" one should not be in the places where one could drink, dance or gamble, so it was said that one should not do these things period. I am not saying you're a heathen if you do, heck I LOVE to dance, just giving a little historical perspective on the subject. 

On the OP's situation I feel its a little harsh to say she is forcing her morals on someone by not serving alcohol, I feel as a guest if I am not friend enough to a person to understand someone with a drunk driving death and abusive alcoholic in the family has a legit reason to NOT serve alcohol I would question why I was even at their wedding.

The Mel and Todd Show

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:2857cb66-b857-4117-aef8-67f36af7c833">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I have put in my two cents already but as a Baptist (who actually doesn't care if other people drink but chooses not to, I think it tastes bad) I would like to explain a little on the "Baptists not drinking thing". <strong>The time when this came up was a time when the places one went to drink( and dance and gamble) were houses of ill repute or brothels. It is also biblical to not become drunk, not drinking at all makes this an impossibility, therefore, as "good church members" one should not be in the places where one could drink, dance or gamble, so it was said that one should not do these things period. I am not saying you're a heathen if you do, heck I LOVE to dance, just giving a little historical perspective on the subject. </strong> On the OP's situation I feel its a little harsh to say she is forcing her morals on someone by not serving alcohol, I feel as a guest if I am not friend enough to a person to understand someone with a drunk driving death and abusive alcoholic in the family has a legit reason to NOT serve alcohol I would question why I was even at their wedding.
Posted by Ready2BMrsWade[/QUOTE]

This is the plot of Footloose. 

L-Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:2857cb66-b857-4117-aef8-67f36af7c833">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I have put in my two cents already but as a Baptist (who actually doesn't care if other people drink but chooses not to, I think it tastes bad) I would like to explain a little on the "Baptists not drinking thing". The time when this came up was a time when the places one went to drink( and dance and gamble) were houses of ill repute or brothels. It is also biblical to not become drunk, not drinking at all makes this an impossibility, therefore, as "good church members" <strong>one should not be in the places where one could drink, dance or gamble,</strong> so it was said that one should not do these things period. Posted by Ready2BMrsWade[/QUOTE]

I know <em>just </em>the person who can take care of this....

<div id="previewItemDiv"><img style="width:387px;height:290px;" class="largePrevImg" src="http://im1.shutterfly.com/media/47a0cc28b3127ccefb86c48a3fb200000030O00ScNWbNy3Yg9vPho/cC/f%3D0/ps%3D50/r%3D0/rx%3D550/ry%3D400/" alt="" width="466" height="363" /></div>

L-Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:19774f7e-a49f-406c-9eef-ab1679c97655">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation? : This is the plot of Footloose. 
Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]

I was too slow! Ha!

The Mel and Todd Show

L-Bride, I can't see your pics (yours ALWAYS come up as a red x for me) but if that picture is of Kevin Bacon (and I think it is), I love you. 

L-Bride

Oh no
Yes, it's Kevin Bacon busting a move in all his Footloose glory. Stupid red x.

Ready2BMrsWade

I have never seen footloose...but if you say so! Just telling what I know from someone who comes from a family a Baptist preachers. (Democratic ones, but preachers none the less) I promise I didn't mean to make light of this or a joke,  it's history!  And I'm talking like... 1860's kinda history, not whenever footloose is from.

NuggetBrain

My father is a baptist minister, and I don't know a single person in his entire congregation that doesn't enjoy a bottle of beer or a glass of wine or even a mimosa every now and again.

sjgamble

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mention-dry-reception-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4229014b-d850-4fa8-909e-4ef2c1ce50e8Post:57b7f557-3921-46e3-bc2e-3ff516b16b93">Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mention "dry" reception on invitation? : Sorry folks, for not replying sooner... oddly enough, I was at work all day yesterday. Yes, my fiance's brother was killed in a drunk driving accident, and a small chiled was crippled for life in the process, too. As for me, I was scared silly by an alcoholic family member as a child. It frightened me terribly and I've been scared of alchohol since. Some of you are rather harsh. I apologize for asking an ETIQUETTE question.
Posted by princesskitra[/QUOTE]

To be honest - the fact that alcohol scares you in the terms that you put it, that should give you clue that perhaps you should talk to someone and sort that out so you can let that part of your life go. It's unfortunate that your FI's brother died -but past misfortunes shouldn't dictate future endevours.

And while I agree with the lot about not putting it on your invitation (because your probably going to have that framed and do you want to stare at DRY WEDDING for the rest of your life?) I do believe you should spread the word around by word of mouth. For me personally, I would assume there is alcohol at a wedding. Over the past year and a half I have been to TEN and stayed over at 9 of them to avoid drinking and driving. Had one of them turned out to be dry, it would have been an essential waste of my money because most of them were decent driving distance. My husband & I in no way <span style="font-style:italic;">need to drink</span> but we both do long hours at our jobs and like to unwind and enjoy the weekend. We always do the responsible thing when it comes to drinking when we go out - and for weddings we either stay over or one of us DD.

Not sure if you have a block of rooms set up - or people plan to stay at a hotel close by, but I would perhaps monitor that and if someone stays over give them the heads up. Not quite sure how you would phrase that - but if in the future I attended a dry wedding (never been to one) and booked a room and then was contacted by the bride or groom and they were like fyi I see you are staying over, we thought we would make you aware of the fact that there was no alcohol - I would probably reconsider staying over (if i was close enough) and be grateful that I was spared the expense.

Also, are you surprised that some people are rather harsh on these boards? These women are honest, not much more you can ask.

And please dont insult us(them) by saying you were at your job. You can asked a question clearly looking for responses, and you got them.

Ready2BMrsWade

NuggetBrain, I didn't say this was still true, or true of all places, but it is where the idea stems from. Sorry if I made it sound as if it were still universal, or that it ever was. Again, personally no issues with drinking, I just don't because I have never developed the taste for the stuff.