WWYD

ggmae

...if you caught your significant other about to cheat, but the fact that you caught him stopped him from doing it.  Otherwise, he would have gone ahead with it.  This just happened to a friend of mine and she is leaving her boyfriend because of it - in this case, "about to cheat" and actually cheating are the same thing to her.  She is packing her things and leaving him.

Would you leave your BF/FI/DH? What factors would you consider when making your decision?

nda_roxybabe

We'd definitely have a major talk about our relationship. How "About to" cheat was he? Was he on the way to meet up with the girl?

shellydiane820

Probably, the only reason he stopped was bc he saw me. Thanks but no thanks.

ggmae

Yes. I didn't ask her how she caught him (he is across the country at the moment - my guess is that she was reading his email or FB), but he was saying graphic things that he shouldn't have been saying and was on the way to meet her at a hotel (and he was going to pay for the room!)

sarah0725

I would probably leave. I've been cheated on in two previous relationships, and made a vow to myself that if it ever happened again, I would walk. And as far as I'm concerned, cheating and "almost cheating" are the same thing.

ggmae

Sarah - I agree with every word you said. I'd type what I think as well, but I'd just be repeating what you wrote.

mocha beans

There would definately be some serious talking going on.  I don't know if I'd leave right that moment, but it would depend on how involved in the relationship I am at that point and if I deem it worth trying to salvage.

I agree with Sarah, cheating and almost cheating are pretty much the same.  The only difference is when you got caught or confessed.

nda_roxybabe

Okay, absolutely then.

squirrly

I need more info.  Is this something that has been building for him?  Like, emotional affair trying to become a physical affair?  Or one night stand?  Drunk or sober?  How did he meet this chick?  How did your friend find them?

I mean, if he posted on a website looking for sex and she read his email and busted down his hotel room door - DONE.

If he was out, got drunk, ran into his ex and they somehow or another ended up in a compromising position. . . if that's the ONLY issue, I'd be inclined to TRY to work it out.

ggmae

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwyd-22?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:425aa219-4270-4993-83dc-afd03e88c84bPost:daf47b31-6617-4c70-a63c-faac35a03e55">Re: WWYD</a>:
[QUOTE]I need more info.  Is this something that has been building for him?  Like, emotional affair trying to become a physical affair?  Or one night stand?  Drunk or sober?  How did he meet this chick?  How did your friend find them? I mean, if he posted on a website looking for sex and she read his email and busted down his hotel room door - DONE. If he was out, got drunk, ran into his ex and they somehow or another ended up in a compromising position. . . if that's the ONLY issue, I'd be inclined to TRY to work it out.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

He has been at training for a week now and just met this girl. They have no long-term history. I'm not sure how my friend found out about it, but my guess is she read his email/FB because she told me the things he had said to this girl and they were not good. He said he was looking forward to "tonight," so he didn't just meet her out at a bar and take her home with him that night.

squirrly

If she didn't actually walk in, there's always the possibility that his conscence would have kicked in and stopped him.  I've been cheated on too, and I think there's more to a cheater than just straying in the bedroom.  You KNOW if they're not really in the relationship the way they should be.  Most of us don't want to accept it, but if you listen to your gut, you know.  So, if there are NO other items of concern, I think it's more likely to be salvageable. 

If he's already on the way out emotionally, then, no.

EmmaBride2B

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwyd-22?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:425aa219-4270-4993-83dc-afd03e88c84bPost:daf47b31-6617-4c70-a63c-faac35a03e55">Re: WWYD</a>:
[QUOTE]Is this something that has been building for him?  Like, emotional affair trying to become a physical affair?  Or one night stand?  Drunk or sober?  How did he meet this chick?  How did your friend find them?
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

<div>One, a combination, or all of the above - I'd still leave. He was about to cheat, but only stopped because he got caught. Maybe that makes me a bitch, but that's how I feel. Even if I WANTED to work it out, I would be haunted by the idea of him being with another girl, and wouldn't be able to deal.</div>

ggmae

Squirrly - Good points. I'd still be haunted (like Lynds said) by the fact that he even thought to do it. He must not be 100% dedicated to the relationship if he is wanting to sleep with another woman. I am so angry for her. She has given up so much to be with him and has endured several deployments. It just sucks that he would do this to her instead of ending the relationship in a more mature way.

thesuninherhead

Uhh, ok. If he's willing to pick up some random he just met this week, who knows what he's doing with girls that he spends more time with. There is no way in hell I would stay with a guy who did this to me. 

saschaduran

No, I would leave.
If he is open to cheating, planning on cheating, and willing to cheat with someone he is not emotionally attached to, then they are all signs of where the relationship is heading.

I am not a very forgiving person, and knowing he had the propensity to carry things that far, I would never look at him the same, and I would lose respect, and turn into such a raging biitch he would want me to leave.

JessAndTrav

In this situation, I would count it as cheating.

But if my husband were about to cheat because of some kind of problem that we were having such as lack of communcation, feeling that the love was one-sided, etc, I'd take it as a hint that we need to get into counseling, immediately.

I do not condone cheating in any way, but I do know that if DH or myself were to ever feel the need to cheat, there would likely be an underlying problem, thus I wouldn't walk away without a fight.

cjohnsen2010

He's gone for a couple of weeks and already on the prowl?  I've been cheated on before.  They're not going to change.  I'd be outta there!

SwedishChick2011

If my SO/FI/DH was just about to cheat if I not caught him, then the trust is gone.  That is pretty much the same as cheating IMO.  I don't think I could stick around after that.

FutureMrsTR

True, there's a chance his conscience would have kicked in, but even letting himself get into that situation in the first place speaks volumes about how much respect he has for their relationship.  I'd like to say I'd leave, but I might try for counseling first.

PS - ggmae, I love your sig pic.  At first I was like, "3?...I don't see 3..." and then I saw the little guy squished in the middle.  So cute!

Celles

I think I might be able to forgive him if he had "almost" cheated during his deployment, since people who face life or death situations often find the need to connect -- emotionally and physically -- with others.  (I am not saying it's okay to cheat if you're in the military!  Just that I would be more open to consider "mitigating circumstances" in that case.) 

... But to do that while away for training?  Nuh uh.  I'd be out of there.